Calling all single parents please.
how do you do it?
where do you start?
does it affect the children?
how do you cope with sharing your children?
can you ever find love again? (I’m only 24 and the thought of a future alone when my DD grows up is upsetting).
for background - my DD is 6 months old. Me and her father were together for 8 years prior to falling pregnant and we were actively trying as I wasn’t sure if I could have children. Everything was amazing during the pregnancy but since having DD, her dad has done a 180 in his behaviour. He talks down to me, disrespects me, never wants to be home and when he is I’m walking on eggshells in case I say something and it causes an argument. If I speak to him about how I feel I’m accused of playing the victim and more. If I just want to talk about my day it’s always a game of who’s had more sh*t to deal with.
before anyone says why did you choose this man to have a child with - I obviously wouldn’t have had a child with a man like this. My friends and family are all just as shocked as me as this is completely out of character for him. He started a new job before DD was born which is very much a ‘man’s world’ job and I think most of the behaviour comes from that and how the other men treat their wives. He has to throw his weight around at work and that ends up coming home with him where he thinks I should be a doormat who runs around cleaning his skiddies instead of having a break.
I have tried to stay for myself and DD as I don’t walk to be separated from her even for a few hours but I can’t carry on for my own mental health. I am concerned, very concerned, about his family and them having DD while I’m not around. His family are extremely close and as they know we’re having problems, they have also turned on me. Doing things such as offering DD slices of cake when I started her weaning journey this morning - I say no and they still push and try to put the spoon in her mouth. Again, I wouldn’t have thought they’d be like this as they have always been respectful prior to DD and the issues with her father. I don’t doubt that they will care for DD and they do have her best interests at heart but they don’t respect my wishes or care about things such as safe sleep, which of course concerns me massively.
saying that, I don’t believe DD’s father will be able to have her 50/50 as he leave for work at 4am and comes home at 6pm and Sunday’s are spent at football/pub and it has been this way for years so he wouldn’t give this up regardless of DD. So how many overnight stays would happen, I’m not sure.
we have a property together which will be going on the market as soon as possible. I’m not able to go back to my previous job as they have relocated and it will cost me a fortune to get there and back each day, but happy to apply for other part time (or full time, i have no idea what a single parent would do for work), roles In the area. I worked for a reputable company for 6 years before having DD so I’m hoping my CV is attractive still.
im genuinely terrified as I don’t want my DD to be affected from my behalf - she is so needy for me and only settles with me and the thought of having to leave her so soon breaks my heart. Equally, I don’t want her to grow up in a household where she thinks arguing is healthy and that it’s ok for men to disrespect women constantly. A lot of people have said to me just hold out until she’s one but the problem is he is robbing my happiness - I dread the evenings when he’s home from work and in the day I just worry and spend time upset because I can’t understand what I’ve done so wrong for him to dislike me so much.
I do everything for DD - he has no patience with her. And I do everything around the home. I feel like a single parent already just without the financial worries and co-parenting. When he does have DD he gets annoyed easily and constantly pushes to let her CIO something which I am not a fan of at all.
i have tried endlessly to make things work. Multiple conversation, mutual respect, trying to arrange time to spend together - but he is just not interested. He would rather be at work or at the pub.
really why I’ve posted is because one I do need answered to my concerns, two I wanted to rant, and three because it helps me to know that there are other mums out there who have done the same and survived and have thriving happy children…. So I guess on that note to anyone who has come this far, thank you.