Why doesn’t my baby sleep

[MissCamille]

Before any eye rolls - this is my 2nd child. I’m aware they all wake frequently when young

my first DS wasn’t too bad, he’d wake 3-4 hours. And would nap in day. He’s 2.5 now and sleeps through

DS2 is 3 months old this weekend and since he was born such a light sleeper. Doesn’t even really want to contact nap? Just doesn’t like napping anything wakes him
of a night , in 3 months there has been 4 nights where he’s gave me 3 hour stretches. Every other night it’s been anything from half an hour to 2 hours max but is usually every hour

i am drained and don’t get how 3 months in he isn’t doing longer stretches this may jus the some babies I guess but that’s why I’m asking here :(

im so drained and tired I feel so guilty it’s like I’m wishing for him to be older in the hope that he’ll be like his older brother and sleep longer the older he is

im eBf but switching to formula feeding so I can get some help as the lack of sleep is affecting me mentally

My DS is 16 m
doesn’t sleep through, never has.

pretty normal from what I understand.

all babies have different temperaments- one child won’t be like the other.

Sleep deprivation is just torture. Especially when you have another child you need to be able to function for.

When he wakes what's it for? Does he want to feed every time? Switching to formula will mean someone else can feed so you can sleep but may not actually improve his sleep if its something like reflux that's causing the waking. Or is it possible he has a food allergy or intolerance? Tongue tie that means he's not transferring milk effectively so wants to feed frequently?

Is he uncomfortable? Tension in his body/neck? Does he scream in the carseat or not want to lay flat in the pram or head turning preference? Will he contact nap in a stretchy wrap on you, or something more structured where he feels well supported? May be worth seeing a cranial osteopath if you can afford it.

You say he wakes at small sounds so may be worth having white noise on for him. Experiment with bedding options too, he might hate being in a sleeping bag and prefer being swaddled or whatever. Mine slept much better when he could roll on to his side so we went without any bedding for a bit to help this, but he still took forever to learn to roll and the sleepless nights before that point were just hideous.

Yeah I fully expect him to be a toddler who doesn’t sleep through! Just hoping we’d get at least 3/4 hour stretches then :(

so it is a feed and he does have a tongue tie. However when I asked the doctor at his 8 week check he said he’s gaining weight and is healthy so they won’t cut it now but he’s the formula switching is just so someone can help me out , DH and my mum has offered too

not from what I can see but he doesn’t like car seat for too long and doesn’t mind the lay flat pram when I unzip the hood so he can see what’s around us :) I’ll analyse this a bit more now you mention it see if there’s any tension

Thank you for the tips :)

he is so smiley and chatty in the day he’s amazing I just am exhausted and wish I could enjoy things more :( and then I read less sleep affects brain development so I started worrying over that

Does he have a dummy? My first was a great sleeper, second not so much but still was doing at least one 4hr stretch a night. I credit both of their decent (ish) sleeping overnight to their dummies tbh.

He won’t take one😭 any tips on how to? My mum said it’s because I’m breadtfeeding (DS1 was formula fed and did take a dummy)

but my friend breastfed her 2 and they both had a dummy too

Have logged in to sympathise! My first slept through from 10 months and only woke up once a night from 6 months.

My second born had me awake every hour for his first year. We ‘joke’ he made me see every hour of the clock of my maternity leave. Then from 12-22 months he woke up 3/4 times a night, often for hours in end. We were dead on our feet! But then suddenly a switch flicked about 3 weeks ago and now he is taking himself off to sleep and sleeping through some nights.

Second also would not take a dummy or bottle, unlike the first but tbh breastfeeding still worked for me, my husband is beyond awful with less sleep and it did send my second off to sleep pretty well. I found it better to have one tired parent and one to pick up everything else.

try not to worry about the brain development stuff - mine is bright on very little sleep.

I can only sympathise with you and hope that you can still enjoy your LO even whilst times are tough. You will get through it!! I used to say ‘he won’t be like this at 13’ over and over. Get all the help you can from everyone. Wishing you the very best!! Xx

My DD was a dreadful sleeper. We had her in a moses basket in our room and I swear she woke herself up with the tiniest movement. Things improved quite a bit when we moved her to a proper cot in her own room, and improved a lot once she was mobile and tiring herself out.

She's 18 now and is still a night owl. Fortunately she doesn't cry about it....

Ds was like this... he had problems with wind and reflux until 4 months he woke every 2 hrs or so. I had him in a next to me which helped for sleeping and we did some co sleeping as well. Getting the tongue tie cut helped resolve a lot of his issues so personally I'd consider getting it done privately. Ds did take a dummy but was very fussy about shape and it took a few tries until we found one he liked. I wouldn't rush to try formula, from what I've heard statistically mums of ebf babies actually get more sleep than mums of ff babies but that also might be due to ebf mums being more likely to cosleep for handiness during night feeds. But equally if it means someone can pitch in and you get a block of sleep then if it saves your sanity I'm all for it!

Ds sleeps through the night now but it took him to about 7 months to do it. He just gradually reduced the amount he wanted to feed and at 8 months I weaned him off night feeds and dh responded to him first until he got used to that. It's funny because at the time I just functioned in such a fog but got on with it and now if ds has a bad night it's such a shock to the system! It really rings true what they say that the days are long but the months are short. It won't last forever and you're doing amazing! When sleep is so compromised you just have to do what it takes to survive! I also would have handed Ds to dh and slept from 7 to 11 and dh would have given him an expressed bottle so I was going into the night having had some sleep and that really helped me get through it.

Tongue tie is likely to be part of it I suspect, it makes them windy and less full than they’d like. DD’s was cut at this sort of age (maybe even later) and whilst she had been gaining weight ok, she suddenly shot up a couple of centiles after the tt cut - had clearly been a bit hungry.

If he has a tongue tie then it seems like this might be part of the issue so I'm leaning towards that. Possibly linked to not taking a dummy as its hard work to keep one in his mouth.

For a tongue tie assessment they feel in baby's mouth and assess the tongue's movements and appearance then give it a score for each. Only if its borderline would they ask questions about feeding, but over 3 assessments I was never asked about weight gain (my youngest even gained in the first week and still needed the tie snipped). By the sounds of it he is gaining weight but only because he's feeding every hour which isn't normal. So switching to formula might not help that. If at all possible I would look into a proper tongue tie assessment (not just by GP or health visitor).

I would speak to a tongue tie specialist to see if they agree with not cutting the tie. Drs, midwives, HV, HCP are not always the best people to assess tongue ties

The tongue tie could be triggering a bit of reflux which is impacting the sleep.

My daughter is 3 and still if her reflux is bad she wakes every 40 minutes. It took along time to get my daughters reflux and related allergies treated because of medical professionals opinion that if a baby is gaining weight they have no issues that need resolving. I would urge any mother that is told the issue doesn't need looking at purely because weight gain is ok so it can't be that bad to seek a second or third opinion.

I'd persist with encouraging the dummy - some take a while to get used to them. My boys needed dummy and swaddling for every nap and overnight or they'd be up every 30 minutes. White noise too. Some babies are very sensitive. It tends to ease as the months go by. Mine still have dummies and white noise at 3.5 though....

Tongue tie can also affect the ability to keep a dummy in unfortunately

Both mine were mostly breastfed for the first 3 months (and DC2 for a lot longer) and both happily had dummies. Have you tried different ones, as there's so many? DC2 had Tomee Tippee. DC1 had Philips Avent Natural but I'm not sure they still exist, which is why we used different ones for DC2. Also just keep persisting. It can take them awhile to learn how to 'use' the dummy. We just kept on offering regularly until they got the hang of them.