How do I get my 3 year old to remember to say please It's driving me crazy

[latchmeregirl]

She used to be quite polite, and generally remembered please and thank you, but in the last couple of months she's totally forgotten - every sentence seems to be "I want..." or "Can I have..." and she NEVER remembers please. It's very frustrating particulary as both grandmothers keep commenting on it (almost as annoying as the lack of manners).

I don't think it's unreasonable to expect a just turned 3 and very articulate child to remember "please", is it? And how do I remind her? I've tried lots of praise on the rare occasions she does remember, and she gets reminded ("let's go back to the beginning and ask nicely") every time she doesn't remember.

Particularly as her friend was here today playing and every sentence had a please or a thank you tacked on to the end...

Just keep witholding until she says 'the magic word'. And this book is quite good - saying please is the moral of the story.

I would just keep reminding her. she is only 3 after all.
my 3 yr old doesn't always remember.

My ds can be like this sometimes but he is learning that he doesn't get anything at all unless he says please and thank you. It seems to do the trick!

Pretty sure my DD went through a phase of 'forgetting' (and being very demanding with it!) She has been fine for ages now (is 5)
Just keep doing what you are doing EVERY SINGLE TIME - very tedious I know. Just waiting for my very polite 2 yr old to go through it now

my 5yo doesn't always remember, when he doesn't I just say "what was that" or similar, and he doesn't get whatever he wanted until he does say it. Generally he realises straight away, but sometimes I thinks I just haven't heard so it is the 3rd ask when he realises.

Just keep reminding

A good mate of mine (who is a HV!) made an excellent point to me re this very issue. She said that as parents of babies/learning-to-talk toddlers we tend to talk in quite a basic, direct way to them in order to make ourselves understood and thus meeting their needs

i.e "Do you want milk?"
"Do you want Teddy?"
etc etc

So it's no wonder they speak in similar terms, really. True in my case, anyway

i think you are expecting too much for a 3year old to remeber to say please everytime.

i do remind dd3 regularly, and also dd2 as well. praise when they do remember and gentle reminder when they dont.

v true bernard.
I always say please and thank you when talking to ds, partly to reinforce, but mostly because I am just soooooooo polite lol

I aways say "what do you say?" and
never let go of the drink/game/whatever until he says thank you.

We have some quite comedic tussles sometimes but it does work.

I go deaf. I can't hear the request until it's made properly and then my ears work again, as if by magic.

I really don't like the magic word thing. It's not a magic word, if they ask nicely for something I don't want them to have, they're still not going to get it

PS her Gran's need to go deaf too. MY DC's almost always remember at home now, but Grandma is soft and they still get what they want, even if they don't ask properly. They "forget" much more at her house

Thank you everyone. I like the look of the book, Phlossie. Will give that a go, she responds well to books.

I will keep reminding her. It's just so very very boring.

It is a tricky one because we have had one or two strops when I said no and she says "please Mummy may I have..." and I still say no, because I don't want her to have it. I know 3 is still little (though I don't think, in her case, too small for this) so the concept of please being "necessary but not sufficient" is a bit over her head (thanks dh for making the situation worse with that one...).

The grannies really couldn't be less deaf - far from it, in fact, I think they are making it worse by going on about to me the whole time (and she certainly doesn't get what she wants from them if she doesn't say please). Perhaps I should start being a bit less willing to listen to them about this. In fact, I think life would generally be a bit easier if I paid less attention to my mother and MIL.

And that's a very good point about the way we talk to children. I'm going to start with the 10 month old right now...

latchmeregirl - re the way we talk to babies/toddlers... I think it's instinctive, really. I wouldn't worry about teaching the pleasantries to the 10m old just yet

My friend made me realise that it's not really a big deal if they forget to say please or thankyou every time... with gentle reminding they get there in the end. My 4.4yr old went through a similar stage at around 3, and is pretty good with her manners now