If this was your daughter - what would you do?

[PetitFilou1]

My mum has given my sister somewhere between £50k and £100k over the past 10-15 years as she is completely unable to manage her finances. She has a nearly two year old ds and lives with his dad. They took out a mortgage based on their incomes a couple of years ago but obviously didn't allow for all their outgoings as they are consistently broke to the point where my mum has had to take out an interest in their house. My sister was on the phone, again, to my mum at the weekened telling her she can't afford to run her car and is now looking for a cheaper one but told me two days previously that she has booked a cheap holiday abroad with her friends. I had no idea my mum didn't know and mentioned it today. She looked crestfallen. I don't think she knows what to do. I don't tend to get involved but my sister is 32, intelligent and I think should have sorted her life out by now. I keep telling my mum to stop giving her money. I love her, she's my sister, but longterm it isn't sorting her problems out. Just interested to see what you all think.

Hmmmmm...it's your mum's choice, but your sis is taking the piss

I know. I suspect she may even have been angling for money for a new car. But who knows.

Does your sis\know that you're aware how much she has borrowed?

Hi we are going through this at the moment with DH's family. His BIL has always been atrocioues with money. About 4 years ago we moved from Kent to my family village as DH worked with BIL and was hating it. About 6 months after we moved FOund out that BIL had forged DH's signature on a loan and the bank was calling in debt, we managed to prove differently and then bailiffs turned up on their doorstep. FIL bailed them out and then when MIL died used her money to pay of all their debts so clean sheet, DH and his brother got nothing (not the point though) Found out last Friday that BIL has been arrested for forging powers of attorney, mortgage is 3 years in arrears and FIL intending to sort them out again. DH's sister has not worked for 15 years, doesn't want to. When FIL remarried he said to his new wife (who happens to be DH's Aunt) that he didn't want to have anything to do with all the baggage that her family came with, not financial problems but health issues, but he is now excpecting SMIL to put up with this. DH is wanting to chat with his brother tonight and then maybe go back to Kent and sit his father down and hopefully get through to him that he cannot do this if he wants to have any money left for him and his wife to live on. Sadly though I think it will fall on deaf ears

She is clearly taking the piss out of your mums good nature.

She is the same age as me and i dont get to have everything i want as i am on a budget but i dont go running to my parents to 'help' me out.It sis time she realised that as an adult she cant always have what she wants and she should learn to prioritise.

Spoilt spoilt spoilt.

Have you heard this (the amount/circs) etc from your mum or your sister, or both of them?

Just be aware that you may not be getting the full picture - from either of them. My mum told me a lot of things about a lot of my family members and I would have fought tooth and nail that she was telling the truth. She died three years ago, and I have corroborated evidence that she told A LOT of outright lies or extremely exaggerated mistruths.

Dropdead no she doesn't (and it isn't borrowed it was given). I can't even get into a discussion about it with her. My financial situation is so different. I earn a higher than average salary (although work three days a week so it is pro rata) and my dh is a high earner. Our lifestyles are embarassingly different.

My mum is a very bright career woman but fails to see the light where this is concerned. My dad won't give my sister the time of day where money is concerned so she doesn't try it with him! (They are divorced)

Lenny My mum is telling the truth. No question. It is causing problems between her and my step dad who she loves like no-one else.

Well, I'm aware that mortgage companies have loaned people money knowing they would struggle, but surely things cannot be that bad??
Can they not get different jobs? Do they need to run a car etc?
Why can't you mention it? If so why does your mum tell you ? Very frustrating for you...

Dropdead I have mentioned it in the past. Lots of time. But she just dissolves into tears and screaming/shouting. So I don't get involved anymore as I think the only solution is actually for her to get into debt and get herself out of it again. But my mum won't let that happen.

Things are that bad. If they had gone on the way they were, they would have lost their house eventually.

carry on like this and one day your mum will have spent all her money but they will still be in debt over their heads. Then when the baliffs come calling your mum will not have the money to help.

I'm afraid the only sensible thing to do is let them get to the point where the baliffs are on the doorstep. Then agree to support them only if the CAB can cut off their credit. It's hard to be that tough but better to be hard now than have them suffer more later.

I think you Mum should stop giving her money. At 32 your sister is a grown up and neds to take control of her own life.
DD1 will be 21 on Thursdaywe help her with tuition fes and pay some of her rent,but she budgets for all other living costs and would not dream of asking us for more money.