Any advice would be greatly received

[Volunteer]

I'm starting as a volunteer for Homestart UK and I will be visiting a lady who has PND with her 5th child, never having had it before with any of the others.

I was hoping those on Mumsnet who had experienced the same situation would be able to give me any pointers in how to best handle the situation.

For example, I do not want to go in there and start showing her how to bond with the baby then she already knows about this through her own past experiences with her other children.

I had PND myself (mild), but I only have one child, so I'm just wondering if the situation should be handled differently when someone has experienced it, having previously never suffered it.

The advice I get from Mumsnet would not go beyond putting into practice any ideas I get from here.

Thanks in advance

I guess it must depend on what you are being expected to do by Homestart. Is your remit to physically help, such as tidying up or putting washing on, or are you there to support her in her own decisions? Maybe she'll want to talk or maybe she'd prefer to go and sleep while you mind the baby. I think to begin with you'll need to take your lead from her, although that will depend on how badly depressed she is. As you say, advice probably isn't really appropriate, so maybe your role will be as a facilitator, to enable her to see some light at the end of the tunnel. Good luck.

I have had PND with both children, and what I really wanted both times but didn't get, was someone to come and do all the practical stuff, then take baby and/or toddler soI could have a bath or a sleep or ust some time to myself to read a book etc.
Not saying this will be what she wants, but I would have killed for that kind of help!

I had PND for quite a long time after my DS was born. I contacted Homestart and was visited by one of the group leaders from my area (Islington). I was supposed to get visits from a volunteer but she wasn't able to continue volunteering for personal reasons so I saw the group leader a few times. What she helped me with most was giving me the confidence to take DS out and about, particularly using public transport, which was one thing that made me particularly panicky and depressed.

She took me on the tube to Highbury Fields where Homestart had a Mums & Babies group once a week. This really made such a difference to me, perhaps its the sort of thing the family you're visiting would benefit from. It would be easy to say take your lead from what the mum asks for, but in my experience someone with PND is far less likely to be able to ask for/suggest anything. Perhaps if you discuss with your Homestart group leaders what activities are available locally you'll be able to go in "armed" with some suggestions?

Don't forget, your lady has made the first step by contacting Homestart to begin with! Good luck, let us know how you get on.

I had PND and what I would have found most helpful was someone to watch the baby so I could sleeeep. I was most dreadfully tired and couldn't sleep as I was petrified something would happen to the baby.
Was also too scared to go into shops (managed to get all the way to the local post office - and then couldn't bring myself to cross the threshold to buy some stamps).
And too nervous to drive the car.
So just someone who I didn't have to be brave in front of, to give me some confidence to do the little things, may have helped.

(On a brighter note, as I type this I realise just how ill I was, and how much better I am now It all seemed so sensible at the time!)

Forgot to mention - I definitely had no problem 'bonding' with ds, I adore him, and part of the reason I didn't seek medical help sooner was that I was scared that they would think I didn't love him.
Oh, and you are doing a wonderful thing.

Tx everyone for your advice.

It's great to get it from the horse's mouth (so to speak) rather than making assumptions.

Glad to know that those who suffered PND have now come through it sucessfully.

Tx again.

I haven't suffered PND (although I have suffered from depression and know what an awful illness it is) so I don't really want to comment too much. But one thing I do remember my midwife saying to me (I was monitored before I gave birth due to previous depression) was that she had never come across a women who had PND that did not care or bond with the baby. I can't say if that is true but it is probably worth baring in mind when you see this lady.
I agree that often the best thing is to be practical as when you are depressed this is often the hardest thing to be. I would listen if she wants to talk but don't offer advice unless you are trained to do so as often it can be taken the wrong way.
Can I ask out of what Homestart is as I haven't heard of it before.

I agree with whoever said don't expect the person with PND to take the lead!
One idea would be to make various suggestions: practical help with jobs, looking after baby while she sleeps, taking her out, talking, providing company while she does her own jobs, collecting other children, etc, then let her choose which things she would prefer. It's very hard to find enjoyment in anything when you have PND, but I think help with housework while she has a bath sounds nice. As has already been mentioned, bonding with the baby may not be an issue. IME, it was the scary rest of the world that was the problem, not the baby. Perhaps time and attention with her other 4 children might be proving a problem though.

I was never diagnosed with PND as I never seeked help, and only realised I must have had some form of it many months later, when I was able to look back and realise how bad I'd felt at the time.

I think what I felt I'd have needed most was (apart from dh being more present, but that's another story), someone to take decisions off me. My MIL was staying with us, but she couldn't even use the washing machine, she'd take dd off my hands to let me cook (when all I wanted to do was to be with dd), and other things.
DD was a very poor sleeper and all I felt I was doing was feeding and changing her, then MIl would take her so I could get on with thr practical things. No one understood what I needed was someone to take care of me as I found taking care of someone else 24/7 so exhausting, all I wanted was some TLC, not having to think about anything, let alone what to have for lunch!!!!

Volounteer you're doing a great thing, good luck and please let us know how thigns progress.

I had severe PND after my second child and definitely didn't appreciate anyone tellimg me anything. It was months before I could even admit to myself that I was ill, let alone accept advice or help, as I desperately needed to feel I was in control. Ime, being listened to is the important thing.

Volunteer I just wanted to say I think it's great that you care enough to want to get it just right for her. The support you give is fantastic, and the mother is really lucky to have you supporting her. Keep up the good work!

Ahh, thanks for all the support.

I met her yesterday and she's a lovely lady. She does want someone to play with them whlle she catches up on sleep, someone to help her get out and about.

Forest, Homestart is a voluntary organisation which helps out parents under stress with 1 or more children under 5. 99% of the volunteers are mothers themselves, so we are in the very priviliged position to understand how joyous and difficult parenting is, with or without added external complications.

Tx again for all the advice

Hi

Just to let you know that the 'assignment' was a great success and the mother is now coping extremely well So well, that she no longer needs me (boo-hoo)

Now, as you were all so informative last time, I'm asking for your help again this time.

I will soon be visiting a mother who suffers from severe agoraphobia.

I have downloaded info from the internet, but it's always preferable to get advice from those who have been through it.

Do you stuff, Mumsnetters (and thanks again )