How do I/should I encourage my baby to spend time 'on her own'!? ie not being held by me!

[bigballoons]

Hello everybody, I'm looking for some wise mumsnet advice.

My baby is five weeks old and she is an angel (obviously though, I'm biased)! The only trouble is, I can't really put her down. She's OK for short times in her bouncy chair, or on her playmat, but quite quickly cries - she normally stops as soon as she's picked up. In terms of sleeping, if she falls asleep on me and I transfer her, she almost always wakes up and cries - until I pick her up. I am co-sleeping with her which is fine, although I have the same problem at night - ie she won't go in her cot/moses basket.

The trouble is I really need to start getting some things done! I put her in the sling and that helps but I don't think she can go in the sling all day?

Anyway, is this normal behaviour for a five week old and something she'll just grow out of? Should I/could I be encouraging her to spend a little bit more time on her own? And if so how!!!

Thanks in advance!

She certainly can go in the sling all day, so long as you don't mind carrying her. My dd used to spend hours tied to me at that age, and my friend (whose daughter is a couple of weeks younger) basically left her babe in the sling except when she was feeding/changing a nappy, because she also had a 13 month old to look after. We both used the wondrous wilkinet

So if keeping her close works for both of you, go for it. There is absolutely no reason in the world why you 'should' encourage her to spend time on her own when she is so weeny and new.

I hope I didn't sound like a horrible mummy with that question! It has actually felt very natural right from the beginning to keep her close and I love cuddling her. And with the sling I can get things done!

The thing is I have a friend with three kids who whenever she phones/visits keeps asking "have you put her down yet" etc etc, with the strong implication that I'm being soft and that my DD will get into bad habits! I think that made me question my judgment, although putting her down and letting her cry feels totally wrong to me at this stage, so thanks for the reassurance.

Just on the subject though, is there a point at which I should be encouraging her to have daytime naps in her own bed/on her own? Maybe in a few months time? Sorry - I'm a bit clueless as you can probably tell!

Keep her close to you as long as possible. Ignore your friend
Enjoy it while you can, DS1 is 11 and is starting to put a bit of distance between us, luckily I have a vicelike grip and can still cuddle him

Just enjoy her, you sound like you're doing a great job

Sounds normal. She needs to be close to you - it's a survival instinct! Would you stick her on a patch of grass in teh Amazonian jungle and wander off?

Five weeks ago she was in a pretty extreme cuddle 24/7, so what she's getting now is already a huge reduction in contact. The more secure she feels that you are reliably there and close for her, the happier she'll be to be independent as a toddler and small child.

one of these

the motorised swinging seems to feel sufficiently enough like being held. absolutely saved my life when i had ds3 and ds1 and 2 were still only 18m and 2.5.

Absolutely no need to put her down, as long as she wants you to hold her, enjoy it. Some babies go through a phase about 3-4 months where they actually like sitting still looking round more - not all though. She will become independent in her own time! As for sleeping in her own space - I wouldn't rush it - 3 months? 6 months? When being asleep in the living room or wherever seems to disturb her? Some babies just hate napping on their own whatever, or won't nap in their cots - mine was one and I really regret spending any time trying to sort it out!

Thanks so much everybody - you have given me confidence to carry on as before and ignore my friend! It's funny as I'd never say to her, "goodness, are you putting your baby down again." Somehow it seems to be OK the other way round!

Hi bigballoons!

I have a 5-week-old too now sleeping in my arms! My DS sleeps in a baby hammock (the amby nature nest) at night with no problems but wouldn't go into it during the day for naps... In the last week, he has gone into it during the day for an hour or so before he cries to sleep in my arms.

It's ok to let them cry a little if you know they are not hungry, not dirty and not in pain. I'm a first-time mum and it kills me to listen to him cry. Last nite though, DH made me not go to him (as we were having dinner) right after we put him down as he normally wants to be rocked a little before going to sleep. Mind you, he had his whingry cry on (the one my DH terms the 'moped' cry!). After a couple of minutes, he stopped and went into a deep sleep!

My advice is to take baby steps. Also, you might want to look into getting a baby hammock as our DS refused to go into a carrycot or moses basket as well but it wasn't too hard to 'con' him into the nest! He flails his arms around a bit and the nest keeps him snuggled in... Aim to get your DD down for a short period of time, soothe her if she complains and see how that goes..

I say to each his own! You might find one day, she just decides it's 'ok' to sleep in the moses basket. In the meantime, enjoy the cuddling (cos I am!).

Ax

P.S. I know how you feel. My MIL calls and asks 'has he taken a nap in his nest yet blah blah blah?' My reaction is not to invite her back unless she knows how to keep her comments to herself. Heh heh!

Hi bigballoons!

I have a 5-week-old too now sleeping in my arms! My DS sleeps in a baby hammock (the amby nature nest) at night with no problems but wouldn't go into it during the day for naps... In the last week, he has gone into it during the day for an hour or so before he cries to sleep in my arms.

It's ok to let them cry a little if you know they are not hungry, not dirty and not in pain. I'm a first-time mum and it kills me to listen to him cry. Last nite though, DH made me not go to him (as we were having dinner) right after we put him down as he normally wants to be rocked a little before going to sleep. Mind you, he had his whingry cry on (the one my DH terms the 'moped' cry!). After a couple of minutes, he stopped and went into a deep sleep!

My advice is to take baby steps. Also, you might want to look into getting a baby hammock as our DS refused to go into a carrycot or moses basket as well but it wasn't too hard to 'con' him into the nest! He flails his arms around a bit and the nest keeps him snuggled in... Aim to get your DD down for a short period of time, soothe her if she complains and see how that goes..

I say to each his own! You might find one day, she just decides it's 'ok' to sleep in the moses basket. In the meantime, enjoy the cuddling (cos I am!).

Ax

P.S. I know how you feel. My MIL calls and asks 'has he taken a nap in his nest yet blah blah blah?' My reaction is not to invite her back unless she knows how to keep her comments to herself. Heh heh!

The others are right - you don't need to put your baby down. Though when you do get some time without her - when (if) she sleeps on her own or if someone else is holding her, I completely recommend lying in the bath and reading a book or magazine. It really refreshes you.
I also recommend the wilkinet - I used it constantly with my eldest child, and not enough with my youngest - I still carry her everywhere and she's a 20lb 6 month-old! The aching arms...
Anyway, I carried my ds all the time, and he went through his clingy phases like the rest, but he's now a very confident 2yo.
Enjoy her. Thinking about those cuddly, early weeks almost makes me feel broody again. Almost...

it def gets easier as they can move and entertain themselves.
i don't mean full crawling, just the odd wriggle

even rolling helps and sitting is even better, though my dd wails if I leave the room, so I think you're right, riven, about the child being able to get to you...

lol
DS comes up to the shower door when I'm in it and presses his face against the glass

Get yourself a hugabub (your back will thank you!).

Don't put her DOWN! Hold her as close and for as long as she will let you!