Someone remind me this is just a very very long, feels like forever, when will it end.... phase?

[Pineconepicture]

Idk if it's the weather or the moon or just me but I just don't have the energy for threenagers at the moment. I can't even say 'today' as it's been going on a while. The constant having to explain things, negotiate the plain obvious, answer why even when you've just explained 3x, the total lack of give from the other side just take take take.

I've just had two days off, with either my own or adult company hoping it would reset my barometer for it but if anything it's made me worse. She's the most strong-willed and opinionated member of the household by a mile and we're all just tired of it. Sick of being told 'STOP TALKING TO ME', point blank the daily school run battle where she refuses to put on a jumper or coat then crying because she's cold, being completely fixated on having things in a particular way and a particular colour with no negotiation. I'm trying not to give into it as she's not an only child and really needs to learn the world doesn't revolve around her but it's so SO hard to go up against her. I've been doing workarounds (like taking the jumper along in readiness for her to change her mind), or just letting her deal with the natural consequences (on the 3 minute school run) but nothing seems to make it improve for the next day. Or the changes are so infinitesimal I'm just not noticing them.

The mood is not being helped by the fact that she's refusing naps, refusing to sleep at bedtime (sometimes she's still coming out of her room at 9pm) and then waking up early so she's a total emotional mess as she's knackered, but won't give in to it. She won't eat anything except bagels with cream cheese, strawberries and babybels. She won't eat a meal and then heads straight to the snack drawer. I never agree to having a snack when she's just refused what's on the table, yet she does it again and again and again...3x a day, 7 days a week. It's been months and months and months.

Been trying to find the funny side where possible, and just let it wash over me. Yesterday she had a fit because she didn't like the singing...but it was her singing. That was pretty funny to be fair. But every day I have a little bit less to give.

Nothings changed in the routine, there's no new baby shaking things up, it's just how she is. I swear it wasn't this bad with DS! I'm just so bored and tired of it! I don't even like her that much right now, she's annoying!

This sounds more like what happened with us the first time around. It's fun working these hurdles out huh.

Yeah, with our totally easy DD - the nap dropping was pretty painless. For about three months we'd alternate. Day 1: nap and then a much later bed time. Day 2: no nap but a very early bed time.

Then we moved to a fairly early bed time and no nap for a year or two.

DS.... not so much.

How did she sleep last night after all that?

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@Pineconepicture - saw this and thought of you 😂

I will. Firstly I'm quite interested to know if these children display the traits across the board or just with the primary care giver? She's usually a delight when I'm not around.

For example the jumper I offered yesterday was her favourite, she's not wanted to take it off for a week but the school run seems to be a tough transition for everyone at the moment and she resists every single step. Jumper, shoes, helmet etc. But only for me. She's fine when OH does it twice a week.

Then the food, she eats everything at the childminders or on playdates, or when we visited my dad and I wasn't around. But for me and OH she refuses. We just put it down to standard toddler/pre schooler autonomy struggles. Just been going with it mostly tbh, which is the opposite of what we did with DS where we insisted he at least try something. He's so brave when it comes to trying things now, but if he so much as licks it and doesn't want it then that's totally fine.

She usually loves singing, asks me to put the radio on, but the more tired she is the more unreasonable she gets and that particular day it seemed she was even irritating herself. The 'stop talking to me' only happens when she's not getting things 100% her own way. I think someone earlier said about it meaning they need time to process, that I think feels accurate. She benefits from time to work stuff out sometimes.

This thread has certainly made me more considerate of the possibilities and I'm going to do some extensive reading. We've got a little bit of experience with autism and ADHD and my senses hadn't tingled, but that's not to say its not the case. My instinct to now has been that she's a very strong willed child. Much more so than her brother. I want to nurture it because she'll need that spirit in later life I'm sure...however first need I to survive her childhood 😂

Hahaha yes perfect!! Though then also missing them within an hour of the door closing.

She came in with me at some point, and then woke a few times between then and the morning. But we didn't get up for the day until 715, which was lovely. DS is usually an early riser but he slept in. We all needed it 😍Gonna try for an early bedtime tonight, have the grandparents here so will be able to divide and conquer with the biggun.

Nice. Good luck!

Firstly I'm quite interested to know if these children display the traits across the board or just with the primary care giver? She's usually a delight when I'm not around.

Only my sister knows anything of what my dc can be like because i tell her. The rest of my family haven't a clue because my dc are champion maskers and are so good, polite, never argue, do everything they're told by everyone else.

In fact my parents will ALWAYS say "oh they're so good when they're here! Never any trouble!" Even after i have tried to tell them something of what life and meltdowns can be like. Also my parents just give them everything they want so there's never any conflict if you never say no! So i just don't tell them. It would feel like a betrayal. I know they wouldn't understand my parenting approach in the face of a meltdown.

Them saying that has had me on the verge of a breakdown before. Like - why can't my kids be good for me? But the dc behave in other settings with other people because they don't trust the reaction they might get, so they bottle it all up and release it when they're with their safe person.

As a child though, i never got to release because id be punished if i behaved how my dc behave. I bottled it all up for my entire childhood which came out as anxiety, depression, burnout and contributed to ptsd as an adult. So the fact your dd feels safe to release with you is amazing. The alternative is her never feeling safe enough to.

As toddlers I used to just take them over to a relatives house on a particularly difficult day so i could just have a couple of hours of guaranteed easy behaviour. Id pay for it later, of course, when they unmasked, but sitting in a clean and tidy front room with a cup of tea in hand while the relatives played with the children was a godsend.

Decompression time is vital even for adults with it - last time i went to London after i was diagnosed, i was so overwhelmed with it all -public transport, crowds, getting lost in London, almost missing my train - that for about a week after i was still processing - i was tired, weepy, and very irritable. I now know i just needed to be kind to myself for that time. And stay away from everyone else!

😂 spot on