Returning to work - epic mum guilt, HELP!

[sweetpea2023]

Hi there,

I have a 5 month old baby daughter, I'm currently 6 months into my MAT leave, and in one month I'll be returning to work 🤓

I'm an estate agent, and I planned to take a full year off this time, as I'm pretty sure this will be mine and my partners last baby (we also have an 8 year old girl) 💕

However, whilst on MAT leave I've been approached by a company who have offered me a fantastic opportunity, it's a real 'step up' in my career, so I've accepted the position and I start my new job in 4 weeks time 🤓

I'll be working 3 days a week, and my daughter will be 6 months old by the time I start - she'll be spending one day with daddy, one day at nursery and one day with my parents 👶🏼

The reason I'm writing this post is because although I'm super excited about this new opportunity, the guilt of going back to work 5 months before I'd planned is really weighing heavy on my mind and I'm so worried I'll regret not taking the full year with my daughter 😰

Any advice would be greatly appreciated 👍🏼

Hey OP, not quite the same as baby is a bit older but I went back to work earlier than planned as I had a new job offer I couldn’t turn down. I went back 3 weeks ago and it’s been fine. I had so much guilt about my DS being in nursery for three days a week but it is easing! Your DC will be with caregivers by the sound of it other than for one day and also you’ll be with her more often than you’re not. Guilt is normal whenever you return and at every stage of motherhood to be fair I think, but honestly you have nothing to feel guilty about and you still have lots of time to spend with your DC as they grow up.

Congratulations! Mum guilt is so real but you are doing something not only to better yourself but to improve your family's quality of living for years to come.

Not sure on your husband's employment situation but have you looked into shared parental leave? You can "give" him your remaining maternity weeks and some companies now have an SPL enhancement over and above statutory.

Regardless, good luck in the new role!

I was the higher earner so went back ft after 3 months. No choice really. Dad did some day time and we had a fab childminder. We continued to juggle childcare through 3 children ( although I had 4 years part time when 2nd and 3rd came along then back to work ft when youngest was 2 ) . No help from grandparents. Apart from that I worked . My kids are adults now, I always loved the time I had with them ,life was soooo busy but they are all amazing young people to be proud of and I've enjoyed my working life.

Fully understand your guilt but think of the additional opportunities you will have to not only progress your career but what you’ll be able to provide for your child from having additional income. I also found that when I went back to work (early like you for the same reason) they days I had off with my son were more quality. In that we went and done things for him playgroups, meeting with friends etc on both days rather than him being dragged round shops or being left to play while I tried to do washing etc. I get everyone is different but I feel like I became a more active parent when I went back to work xxx

This. Don’t feel like you have to feel guilty-I think a lot of women do. You are still a person with your own life. It’s good for babies to spend time with other key adults in their lives.

Feeling guilty is an absolute waste of time.

I remember sitting on a bus going home on my first day back at work after my second. She was maybe 6 months old and for a fleeting second I felt bad that I'd been at work and not with the kids. Then I realised I only felt that way because other people / society made out like I was supposed to feel bad / sad/ guilty etc for not being with my children. Actually, a day away from them doing things that exercised my brain and made money and allowed me to be creative and speak to other grown ups all day long was thrilling!

If you don't want to go back to work yet then don't take the opportunity and enjoy your time off. If you do want to then grab the opportunity with both hands.

What a great job! Don't forget you can apply for un paid parental leave too

I’m going back next week, my DD2 will be 6 months and in nursery 3 days a week. I don’t feel guilty - it is what it is, it’s the world we live in now where many families need two incomes. I like my job, I like having something else to think about, nursery has been amazing for DD1 so I have no worries in that regard, and I thoroughly cherish the time with them. Do I wish I could have had more time off? Yes. Is there any point dwelling? No, won’t change it and it’ll just use up valuable mental space.

Sounds like a fantastic opportunity - take it with both hands, and enjoy!

Oh, and to the first poster, maybe in an ideal world young babies should be with their primary carers. We don’t live in an ideal world. Get over it. I do wonder what’s lacking in your life that on a post about working mum guilt you felt it necessary to post that shite.

Thank you so much again to everyone for your replies, hearing all your experiences and advice has helped me so much 🙏🏼

UPDATE: I've now officially accepted the new job, and I've handed in my notice at my current job, so it's all systems go, go, GO in 4 weeks time! Eeeee! 🤓

I've very luckily managed to get a place for DD2 at my local nursery, which is the same nursery DD1 went too (DD1 is now 8), and DD2 will be going to nursery for two afternoons a week 👶🏼

My fiancé is self employed, so here's the childcare schedule for DD2 for when I return to work >>>

Monday: daddy AM, nursery PM
Tuesday: daddy AM, nursery PM
Wednesday: nana & grandpa all day

... hopefully this will all work out okay, fingers crossed! 🤞🏼

It's just all so daunting isn't it, but I'm slowly starting to get my head around it all! 😵‍💫😅

Well done , you’ve got this … give it a few months and it will become your new norm and the time you do have is more quality time over those 4 days .

good luck in your new job hope everything works out . ☺️💙

She'll be absolutely fine!
If possible talk to nursery about days- if possible she might be better off doing two half days at nursery if dad or grandparents can make that work. This will help her get used to the nursery.
To be honest though at 6 months she'll barely have separation anxiety so will probably cope better than mine did at 13 months

What a vile comment!!

If it’s right for you do it! There’s no need to feel guilty, mums need to feel valued and have satisfied with life too. Also worthwhile remembering they are only little once and there will be other career opportunities. There’s no right or wrong, if returning to work is right for you - do it!