Potty training, sen + school

[movingonsaturday]

Whenever there's a thread on here from a parent asking for panicked advice about children who are hard to potty train, the responses are always so dismissive and mean if the child is approaching school age. It makes me worry about my sone who I've been trying to potty train for 6 months, he will be going to school in September and currently does not wee or poo in potty. He is autistic, but can communicate well so it is not glaringly obvious at first. The comments on these threads make me feel down and even more scared about him starting school.

We are trying our damned hardest, but if he doesn't get there before he starts school, what should I expect?

Any mean comments about how I should've started earlier or I'm not being fair to the school staff will be reported

Are you familiar with ERIC ?
They are very helpful.

You are clearly quite defensive about this, but I think you'll find there is a massive difference in thinking (including replies on MN) about parents with neurotypical children who just haven't bothered to try toilet training them, from differentiating for children who don't have the interoceptive sense needed to know they need the toilet.

If your dc already has an autism diagnosis, then he will presumably go in to school with plans already in place, and potentially somewhere along the process to having an EHCP ?

I know you wrote this post a while ago OP, but I've just happened upon it.

My on DS is autistic and started September 2023.

After his place was confirmed I called ahead and spoke to the SENCO who was an absolute angel. Truly a godsend for my son at that school, but I think it was important for me to make first contact.

She explained the staff to children ratios and we talked through the EHCP process and what short and long term outcomes we were looking for, and what obstacles we faced.

My son has no consistent motivators and is very self directed and cannot reliably follow adult instructions which were important to recognise. He also could not wait or sit still and so going on schedule did not work either.

This meant we could get my son as close to a 121 as possible, and also agree on an intimate care plan.

The school also put us in touch with the school health visitor, who wasn't a massive help to be honest but it meant at least some medical professional was documenting our struggles.

We have done so many webinars on potty training my head is in a wizz and none of it has helped.

We have been consistent about proper pants at school and sent many spares.

But at 5, he is now just starting to get it. Still has accidents and also withholds sometimes, but this time last year I didn't think we'd be close to toilet training until closer to 10!

Mumsnet is an incredibly ableist place sometimes so please don't let it get you down and I hope this helps.