Coping with 3 under 5

[wonderfulmany]

First post, so I'm a little nervous!

I'm sure this topic will have been spoken about to death. I've recently found out I'm pregnant with number 3: the other two was tracking ovulation, taking temperature, all meticulously planned, so its really shocked both me and DH. I'm slowly getting my head around it, and I know by the time baby is here it wont matter that they were an oopsy. I haven't told anyone in my life yet, bar DH: that in its self feels strange as I'm very close with my family and they all knew about the other pregnancies (including our 2 MC before DC1).

My question: how on earth do I cope with 3 under 5? DC1 is 4 next month; DC2 2 in August; DC3 due December (crap birthday month - sorry baby!!). Husband works evenings, so its just me 5 nights a week. I'm already struggling with the balance of working full time all day and then quite intense evenings alone. DC1 is quite an emotionally needy child - and I am glad to be there for them; DC2 is sunshine most of the time, but going through lots of tantrums at the moment and has always been a horrendous sleeper. I had quite severe PND after both, and I feel like I have only just cleared the clouds from last time. I am scared: DC2 is the sweetest child, but I would spend 3-4 hours getting them to sleep as a baby. It wrecked me. Husband had an affair whilst I was in the pits of PND with DC2, and whilst we have worked pas it (including him moving out for a time), I can't help but worry about it all as its only just been a year at the end of March since I found out, so its fresh-ish I suppose.

Please tell me your success stories and the things you struggled with with having 3 under 5: my brain likes to know all circumstances so I feel better prepared.

To add to the stress, we've just poured all of our savings in to this do-upper house we bought/moved in to 3 weeks ago: we had decided a fresh start was needed and this house has so much potential we are/were excited to do it up. The heating system has already been condemned within 4 days of us being here, so there goes the last of our savings!! I had already told DH I wanted a 3rd, but the plan was in 2 -3 years or so, when we had done all the house renovations and the other two were both in full time school!!!

Any advice will be so appreciated. I'm scared that PND is waving at me from the end of the year...

I had ds 2 was 4 then 13 months between ds3 and 4 it was exhausting but I had had pnd with ds2 and was quite unwell then ds3 was in nicu so health visitor kept a close etc, but I think I was kept so busy with 4 kids (ds1 was 9/10) I didn’t seem to have pnd but I’d keep time for you, share as much of the load with their dad as it’s exhausting- my ex was police so worked a lot but did his share with the kids when he was home.

And take time for yourself, to do what you like and enjoy as having 3 small children does make you forget who you are other than muuuuum.

lastly, congratulations and enjoy it, the baby years go past so fast and with 3 close together it can be a blur of milestones etc so have the newborn cuddles and toddler snuggles. It goes past in a flash (mine now 12/14/18 &23)

Thank you @Shopper727 !

DC2 has just started with the "muuuuuuuuum" in the exact tone DC1 does: oh god its the perfect mix of cute and irritating 😂. I think I have guilt too that DC2 is going to become the middle child: I'm the middle child, so I feel bad!! I have been invited by my mum to go for a little pamper session at the spa this weekend (she doesn't know about DC3 - yet!) so I will take your advice and make the time for me - I was tempted to say no due to the cost. I find it so hard to spend money on myself since becoming a Mum - I had no issues before, any excuse for a little me treat 😆

I had twins when my eldest had just turned 3. And yes the first year was hard. But the 3 year old would help out. She loved being given responsibility, so would fetch Nappies, wipes, dummies etc. She would even on occasion rock one of the twins to sleep in their bouncy chair whilst I was sorting out the other twin.

The twins are now almost 2 and eldest is 5 they are starting to play together and it's amazing to see their close bond. The last 6 months is getting easier.

I'm not going to lie and say the first year is not hard. Also I'm guesisng your eldest will start school in September so you won't have all of them at home together during the school day. And your DC2 should get 15 hours of nursery placement a week from September so will allow you to keep them in nursery for some of the week too?

My eldest started school Sept 23 and I have loved having the time off this last 6 months allowing me to be their for my eldests first year in school.

Thank you @Donimo. I’m in Wales, so I think we just have the 30 free hours once they’re 3, nothing before (unless you live in certain areas that are classed as deprived or on certain benefits). I’m hoping we can make it work to keep DC2 in nursery 1 day a week at least, so I can have a break (god I know that sounds awful to say). DC1 found the adjustment to older sibling really hard, lots of hitting and throwing nappies AWAY from my reach 😂. Now DC2 can play it’s better, but there’s still lots of pushing and hitting (and now DC2 gives back as good as they get 😳) when tired. I just worry about coping with the 3 alone. I know I will just get on with it, that’s what parents do isn’t it, but it’s daunting!

Forgot to say that yes, DC1 will be going to school full time in September!

Have a termination & ttc in a few more years as planned. Nothing is set in concrete.

I had a 4yo, 2yo and newborn. Now 6, 4 and 2. I found it fine tbh. School run gave a nice routine / structure for the day. 4yo had lots of lovely things to do at school and share with me when he got home. 2yo wasn't overly fussed with the baby and just did his thing. I mainly had the baby attached to me/in my arms and got on with stuff - we did some baby and toddler groups, playgroup, days out. I think bedtimes were the hardest but we did a divide and conquer approach to get through the chaos of the early days, and now it's really easy! I have lots of fond memories of my mat leave with no 3. I really enjoyed it!

I had a newborn with a DS1 aged 5 and DS2 was 23 months. We moved house when DS3 was 8 weeks old. He was an oopsy baby too...

It was hard and DS1 being in Reception added to the stress because of the rigid timetabling of the school day.

I don't think I handled it very well and very much think I got PND after DS3 when I hadn't with the other two. It also knocked any ideas of returning to my career on the head. My relationship with DH has gone downhill since his birth but that may be connected to (peri)menopause.

I had taken the morning after pill after a contraception mishap, didn't realise it hadn't 'worked', drank alcohol, ate all the wrong things before finding out I was pregnant. By then I was 16 weeks, had missed some of the tests, had an amniocentesis.... so many things could've risked the pregnancy. But he's here.

And now he's 13 and he's great and our family has him very much at the centre.

I had three under three, it's busy but perfectly do-able.
My advice would be to not rush.. babies will cry, toddlers may cry or have disputes, but you set the tone, the atmosphere.
So I deliberately walked calmly and purposefully to each child.. sometimes I felt a bit panicked as not enough hands but I pretended and exuded calm.
That and when it gets really tough, put them all in the car and drive to a supermarket 30 mins away. They'll fall asleep, you'll get some head space and you can feed them as you shop, change nappies etc.
You've got this xxx

Thank you everyone for sharing your experiences❤. I just get in my head too easily about these things I think: I really was in full panic mode!

@savethatkitty I am soo grateful to live in a country where we have those healthcare options, but it's just not the path for me. You are right though, for anyone reading this thread in a similar situation, that nothing is set at all.

I found myself excited this morning thinking about who this 5th member of our family will be, what their personality will be, will they look like DC1/2 (who look like twins bar the height difference!). I know this will be a rollercoaster pregnancy, I'm sure I'll wobble again, but it was nice to live in the excitement for a bit! 😁I'm also loving that it's just me and DH who know about this little one; it's quite special really 🙂