AIBU to not reciperate gift

[mumspiration1997]

Long story short.

My b.i.l and s.i.l husbands side. Haven't bought my 2 x daughters Christmas or birthday gifts this year. Came to my daughters naming ceremony/baptism without as much as a card.

1 x daughter aged 1 and 1 x daughter aged 9. (Mine)

They however have 2 x girls aswell and ones Birthday is coming up. 4 in a few weeks.

I feel awful not acknowledging the child's birthday age 4 in 2 weeks...but why should I bother part of me thinks?! My children obviously aren't priority to them. Money is no issue for a small gift either side.

What would you all do?

Send a card but I wouldn't bother with a present either.

I have this with my sister. She has four kids, two of which are adults now. I've two under five. She gets my kids nothing for Christmas or birthdays. Not even a card. But I still get things for nieces and nephews because they will remember and I want them to know I cared.

I'm pretty rubbish with birthdays, but if I was actually seeing them, I'd get them something. And if I wasn't going to see them, I'd give something when I did.
It's not the kids fault.

What’s so odd about giving money to a 4 year old? A really funny age appropriate card……It’s unlikely he can read or would even give a shit about a card, bet he’d know what the money was though 😂
I was in a similar situation many times over the years, I still give something only because I know the kids would understand I hadn’t given them anything and my own kids acknowledged when they hadn’t received from certain family members because they had all other times.

With distancing behaviour going on then A present is in order if you are invited over for celebrations ( not too pricey) But A card is polite and does not cost much to keep up the chrade.

My BIL turns up empty-handed to every Christmas and birthday. We still buy Christmas presents for his kids but I don't get birthday presents for them.

You buy them a card and gift because you are better than them and as someone else said it's about your relationship with the kid not the parent. (Get them a really noisy/messy present 😆 )

Maybe they don't want to reciprocate and have been gift-ghosting so you'll take the hint or SIL has refused to do "wifework" and brother is a useless fecker.
Drum kit should do it, aye.

I mean, you said yourself OP, that if you didn’t buy the gifts, your DH wouldn’t, for his blood relatives.

I don’t know if it’s his brother or sister who is the blood relative here?

The gift isn't for the parents though, it's for the child. It's not the child's fault that the parents don't bother. There is no way I wouldn't acknowledge my Niece's and Nephew's birthdays (even if it was not reciprocated) with a nice card and a small, thoughtful gift.

Is it your husbands brother? Maybe sil just leaves him to it? I did the same with dhs family. All lovely but there are loads of them.

I would definitely give the 4yo a gift. Glitter, slime, some intricate and pointless craft kit (paint-your-own money boxes fit the brief quite well), a big hunk of lurid-coloured plastic, something noisy or a large jar of sugary sweets. The possibilities are endless 😂.

There is no way I would show up to a party empty-handed though.

Maybe it’s their way of saying they no longer want to exchange presents, but it would have been polite for them to voice this. They’d have to be extremely self entitled to comment if you don’t buy for theirs. Why would they complain about you not bothering, when they didn’t either?

I buy for the children in this case but tbh I downsize a bit. But I want the child to know as an adult that I did cared.

I give Slime Baff to the kids of people who annoy me. The kids love it.

I don’t send my partner’s dns a gift. It’s his job. I don’t dislike them, or her, but I do admit I’m not hugely interested in having a relationship with them for lots of reasons. Life and relationships are complex.

Fa

A recorder is good for a 5 year old.

To paraphrase Gandhi, be the change you want to see. If you think they’re crappy for not buying your kids presents, then buy their kid a present. Also, by not buying their kid a present, you’re punishing their kid not them. Definitely don’t buy them presents but just be the bigger, more rational person. And before I get accused, I earn about 75% less than my siblings but I spend probably double on their kids than they do on my kids. I just don’t care. I do it for my lovely nieces and nephew.

I would still get them a card and a little something. Kids are at no fault but the parents. I am horrendous at getting cards and presents for people my memory is shocking. Everyone knows what I'm like though and my sister will take things from me when I get them to distribute at the right time so people actually get their things. A 4yr old will know nothing of the ins and outs and if they are birthday aware and aware of who gets them things, may be upset. My kids aren't that aware (15, 3&2) and wouldn't miss anything as long as they got 1 thing open.

I’ve had this with my sister. Ive got one child, she has two. I send birthday, Xmas and Easter gifts to hers. She forgotten mine on a couple of occasions or he’s received a gift 3 months late. Makes me feel a little miffed considering she has 2 children and it only takes a few mins on Amazon to pick something and get it sent directly to them. My child has also noticed and asks “why has auntie X not bought me a present?”

Anyway, I decided to continue sending gifts - just small things. I don’t want my nephews thinking I don’t care about them.