Help calming 21 month old before bed/sleep generally

[ART2022]

Hi there,

My daughter is 21 months old. We've always had to support her in some way to fall asleep (sometimes just shushing or sitting in the room) but lately it's getting more and more so and bedtimes are getting very drawn out. My husband and I are singing to her, rubbing her back, picking her up for cuddles etc until eventually after an hour or so she falls asleep.

I know it's all part of parenting and I don't begrudge being there to comfort her but she's getting so heavy that I can't physically keep rocking her and lifting in and out of the cot. I'm aware that all of this faffing is also just making bedtime more convoluted than it needs to be - for all of us!

She can fall asleep by herself but I think she is very sensitive to stimulation and with her speech improving, she's becoming more difficult to keep calm at bedtime - often shouting random words related to what's happened in the day. I feel like before I strip out all of the rocking, patting, singing, I need to get her really calm before bed. Any suggestions? We currently try and do a few books downstairs and then a bath and a couple of stories in her room.

Or does anyone use something like a Toniebox to help with sleep/calming?

Or any suggestions generally?

I think part of parenting is getting them fall asleep alone. We keep it very simple - bath, PJs, low lights, books, little chat and then leave them to it. Sometimes use white noise or audiobooks. We've never stayed til they fall asleep. I can see how the patting, lifting etc is disruptive, imagine someone doing that to you. And make sure they're physically tired out by activities in the day.

I'd be looking at getting her to fall asleep herself instead of adding more crutches. There's nothing wrong with a cosy and stable routine so they know they are safe but it can get out of hand.

We just do jammies, brush teeth while listening to a tooth brushing song, 2 bedtime stories, quick kids and cuddle and into bed. He has a little sound machine that plays lullabies and he has his favourite teddy. He's 31 months and has had the same routine since about one year old. Some nights he has a bath before bed too.

I'll add that, crucially, we make sure he's tired enough before bed. He's very active so needs to have a full day of physical activity.

If it takes an hour to get her to sleep, maybe she needs to go to bed later or to drop/cap her nap.