How to enable DD to wake up by herself?

[devondeva]

DD is 18 and has ADD. She often doesn't sleep well, which means she is still very tired and difficult to wake in the morning. I bought her an extra loud alarm clock and it doesn't wake her (she doesn't turn it off - it just keeps going while she continues to sleep soundly). She won't consider one of those pads that vibrate under her pillow as she is worried they are a fire risk. At the moment I have to wake her most mornings, but she will be leaving home soon and needs to reliably sort this for herself. Any ideas of deafening alarm clocks of other potential devices? She keeps her room quite light so something that makes the room gradually lighter won't work!

Let her experience the consequences of her actions. If she’s responsible and mature enough to live on her own, she’ll need (and probably want) to solve this problem on her own too.
And maybe have a look at het sleep routine and problems to see whether they can be fixed. A better nights sleep will help her as well.

Vibrating watch?

You can get a bed shaker, wrap it around the leg of the bed if it has one.

https://www.hearingdirect.com/collections/loud-alarm-clocks - lots of things on there for the hard of hearing

Would music playing be better than an alarm blaring? Or a flashing light on her bedside table?

Look at her sleep hygiene, see if that helps?

Vibrating watch?

The vibrating products (the pad your daughter is worried will be a fire risk and the watch) were originally designed for deaf people. Take it from me that a vibrating watch is nowhere near powerful enough. I think it will have to be the vibrating pad.

I have never heard they are a fire risk. The pad goes under the pillow but inside the pillowcase to stop it falling off the bed. Your daughters head would need to remain on the pillow for it to work (although the Sonic one does also have a very loud sound although that might make her unpopular with close neighbours). They are powerful enough that it's not very pleasant (having you wake her is a much nicer option) but needs must. It doesn't hurt, it just comes as a bit of a shock.

We tried multiple alarms, getting progressively more aggressive for our ASD child.

finally we went with the complete opposite. It’s called Loftie. I don’t know if it’s available in the UK and they are stupidly expensive. It’s amazing and worth the money. I got one for myself, also ASD . It wakes you up partway with a gentle nudge alarm and then a few minutes later it wakes you up with the actual alarm. The alarm starts quiet so you aren’t jolted out of sleep in a fight or flight response. It’s so much more pleasant and I don’t end up with a headache like I did with my old alarm.

A sunrise clock helped my DD. Gets light before the alarm.

Thanks very much for all these ideas! @MontblancTheSecond she does what she can to help her sleep, but her ADD can affect it quite badly - I don't think it's just a case of her needing to be more responsible on this as she is absolutely dead to the world!
I agree that the vibrating pads are not really a fire risk, but for some reason she's got it into her head that they are. I'll try talking to her again. A watch might be an idea, but am concerned at @Lovemyassistancedog's comment that they are not enough. Will also look into the Loftie, and maybe try music instead as well.

I really struggle to get up due to sedating medication and I'm not a morning person!

I need a sunrise alarm, a lot of alarms on my phone set every 5-10 minutes so even if snoozed or switched off there is another alarm before too long. I have a mix of loud alarms and various apps that make you do puzzles or shake your phone to get them to stop and then a 3 yo although she as the same affinity with mornings as I do so I often have to wake her up.

At weekends if my partner needs me up particularly early he has to bring me a cup of coffee in bed and then give me a nudge 10 minutes later.

For me the hardest part is staying awake. My medication means I have to be very wake in order to not fall back into a deep sleep which was also very similar to when I was a teen in school.

@Superscientist thanks for the ideas. The problem with DD is not getting up it's actually waking up. I'll hear her alarm going and go in and she's still dead to the world. We can try several at the same time maybe?

You can't have a really loud alarm if she's going to university or moving in with flatmates! That will not make her popular at all.

If her roommate is quite light that's probably not helping with her sleep. Can you make it darker?

When my dd does not get up with her alarm I play some terrible music she won't like on her Alexa. I can instruct a different Alexa or do it on the app, you don't have to be in the room.

Ds, 17, ASD, has a similar problem. He has a smart watch which detects sleep cycles, and he can set the alarm to wake him at the best point in his sleep cycle for him to actually respond to the alarm. It means he sometimes is woken rather earlier than he would normally need to get up, but at least he wakes properly and can get up.

Last term his getting up suddenly got really bad again. He only told me that his smartwatch had broken after his HoY had contacted us about ds's lateness.

@PrattleTime she hates her room being too dark unfortunately. And we don't have an Alexa otherwise that would be a great idea.

Someone was telling me the other day you can set your watch to understand sleep patterns so deep sleep would be avoided by the alarm but light sleep would be woken up - I don’t know how if if it works but maybe google?

@Scarletttulips that sounds interesting - will have a look

DD is also 18 and v similar re ADD, heavy sleeping/bad sleeping, plus is actually Deaf. The only thing that rouses her is one with the vibrating pad, although as a pp said, they have to remain lying on it for it to work. I have now pretty much said she needs to figure it out for herself as I think part of the problem is that she comes round a bit then was going back to sleep safe in the knowledge I wouldn't let her oversleep. So now I do and she either gets up or she doesn't (while I chew my hands off to stop going in). It's not a 100% success rate, but it's improving.

Yes, that's what was working for my ds.

Yep I can hear the alarm in my dreams long before I actually hear it. It frustrates my partner a lot if he's at home as I have alarms going off for 45-60 minutes to wake up and can take several minutes to register that an alarm is going off.
He gets up at 5.40 with a single alarm by contrast!

Do you advise this kind of thing for all disabilities? Take away a wheelchair user's wheelchair so that they experience the consequences? Or maybe take away a coloured overlay from a dyslexic person to make them read black in white?
FGS.

The other thing you can help your daughter with is prep the night before. I can get up and me and my 3 yo ready and out of the door in 20 minutes at a push and 25-30 minutes on a typical day. Everything that can be done on a Sunday evening or the night before is done then. The only things I have to do in the morning are dress us both, make a cup of coffee and do our teeth then we leave the house!

When my dd does not get up with her alarm I play some terrible music she won't like on her Alexa.

DS2 had the alarm on his Google equivalent set to do the same when he left home.