Anyone else’s toddler hold their feelings in when out?

[ToddlerMama89]

My almost 2 year old of course tantrums plenty at home but when at nursery we always get told “he’s had a lovely day” but when I’ve seen him through the window at nursery and when I’ve visited him in nursery for parent visit days, to me, he always looks solemn and withdrawn. I worry that internally, he’s anxious and unhappy but won’t show it and doesn’t cry, therefore the staff thinks he’s “happy” - simply due to the absence of crying. Is anyone else’s kid like this?

My almost 2 year old isn't solemn or withdrawn at nursery, but he always has "a great day" with no mention of tantrums and generally when we get home it's like a switch flips and all hell breaks loose. I assume because he's exhausted, and even at this young age I think he's trying to "behave appropriately" at nursery and letting all his true feelings out when he's home. I thought that kind of thing only started to happen during school years when there are rules they need to follow, but it's the only explanation I can think of!

@BabaganooToo Yeah my boy is the same once home and on his days off with me during the week! I assume all the pent up feelings.

I think this is it, and completely normal behaviour. Both of mine have been like this, although DC2 less so just because they're just less emotional/intense personality type and more of an extrovert too. Health visitors and nursery staff etc have always told me this is usual behaviour.

@WeightoftheWorld that's good to know, because people I know who have kids a similar age seem to think it's not normal when I tell them! Both me and DH are quite introverted and I think DS is too, and if he's anything like me he'll find a a whole day of socialising absolutely exhausting.

Mine has always been really solemn and quiet but since his language improved I discovered he's often having a really great time - he just doesn't like to show it on his face!

I think my boy is likely the same in regards to it perhaps being linked with him being introverted too. His dad and I are both introverts so it wouldn’t be surprising if he’s the same so maybe just processes it all in the comfort of their safe space?

That’s reassuring. My boys language is improving all the time but isn’t yet able to tell us about his day. I hope the same happens for him. He’s always had quite a serious face when out and about - like he’s just watching and assessing the world 😅 hopefully more language helps him make sense of the day and perhaps tantrum less once home too? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Watching and assessing - yep, that's exactly what mine is like. He's just turned 4 now and is starting to be more open about enjoying things while they're happening, but we still have times when it's like he's so focused on the experience he forgets to smile or even react at all, and you'd be forgiven for thinking he was bored or secretly hating it!

@ToddlerMama89 DS does exactly the same. Assesses everything around him with a very serious face. I've had a few strangers say "aww are we grumpy today" because he doesn't immediately smile at them 🙄 he's definitely inherited his RBF from me.

I'm also praying as language develops further the tantrums will reduce... fingers crossed for both of us!

@Wheeeeee @BabaganooToo Our kids sound the same! Definitely agree about my boy seeming bored or hating it if you didn’t know him! I can tell he’s enjoying himself when he’s super focused on it though. I regularly get comments about him “feeling serious today” or looking grumpy and it’s been the same since he was tiny! I can’t wait to see how his personality will develop over time ☺️ I love his RBF haha.

My son used to be exactly the same! He is 9 now.

He still doesn’t like to show upset/worry etc in front of others and will save that until he is with me. He is still more introverted compared to a lot of his peers, but has come out of his shell a lot and is a really smiley, happy boy and everyone always notices and comments on this. Definitely a lovely ray of sunshine!

I think sometimes when they are younger, some just really want to take everything in and think before they act - not a bad thing as they get older! 😊