Y1 child few party invites/play dates - should I worry?

[Needathickskin]

By way of background, I’m socially awkward and find it hard to read social cues, so am not sure if I’m projecting my own insecurities.

DS age 6 in Y1 attends a prep school approx 20 mins drive from home in a rural-ish area. Approx 32 children in the year across
two classes, broadly mixed.

Reception year was a busy party year with everyone new and trying to be social but since then in y1 big all year parties have fallen by the wayside to be replaced by smaller parties of say birthday child inviting 6 friends for an activity followed by pizza trip after. All very much to be expected.

(DS held a shared birthday party with others at the beg of y1 - but that was pretty much the last of the big parties)

The awkwardness is that my son hasn’t had any party invites at all since the start of the year and I’m not sure what to think. I’m sad that he’s missing out on out of school social interaction and birthday parties - but also worried in case there is something going on which I’m unaware about and don’t really have the social skills to help put right.

We’ve encountered a couple of awkward situations on a weekend where we as a family have gone out and ended up in pizza place for lunch - only to find that there is a birthday party taking place with classmates, to which he hasn’t been invited.

(we’ve stopped going to pizza place on weekend so as to avoid these encounters!)

Weve tried to make an effort with out of school play dates and have invited children over. They’ve come over - but we’ve not had many return play dates offered - only two.

Not sure what to think - I’m friendly with the other mums at the school gate and try to engage in conversation. I’m an older mum and do have a sense of ‘otherness’ with some of the other mums, some of whom are younger and have a definite feel of wanting to be cliquey. (Thats ok; that’s not my thing)
I know I can be slightly socially awkward/shy so really have to force myself to be more outgoing than I’d like to - but, even so, I’m friendly enough and conversational.

I raised this friend issue with the class teacher at parents evening and the teacher said DS is popular at school. But I just can’t equate that with absence of birthday party /play date invites!

My approach has been just to keep on inviting other children over for play dates - but just expect nothing in return, all the while knowing there’s a social scene going on to which my son is not part of. ???
what to do?!

Don't worry too much. Keep hosting playdates. A lot of parents don't have the energy to have children visiting is my experience but it's a good way to strengthen your child's relationships in class if you're up for it.

Don't fret about it, there'll be more things once he has solid friendships. DD has only been to one class party this year and is going to a small tea party next month and that's it's for reception. She's been with them all during pre school too, I just accept it's not something we do very much of here. I found DS was invited to much more when he was at nursery, so far nothing in pre school for him.

I’m in a similar situation to you and I think you’ve just got to keep trying with play dates etc and hope that as they grow older their friendship groups will be determined by themselves rather than their mums. I’m finding that I’m one of the youngest and the 40+ mums have more in common with each other.

Sometimes you'll find that the mums know each other and seem to invite each other's children.

32 in the year? It's a very small friendship pool, isn't it. I personally wouldn't like that, bearing in mind your concerns. Are you happy with all other aspects of the school? What about DS - has he noticed/mentioned anything? How do the play dates go?