2 year old toddler does not talk - help!

[SundayMay]

Hi Everyone,

Looking for some advice from other parents who may have had a similar problem with their 2 toddlers. My son turned 2 in March and has only ever said a few words such as Dad, Grandad, Cat, Car, Spider etc. He has said these same words since he was around 18 months old. He communicates well in the sense of showing myself and my husband what he wants, sings along to nursery rhymes doing the actions and loves doing animal sounds. I have spoken to my Health Visitor about my concerns so we done the 27 month check a little early which included a questionaire. Despite not talking, he scored high enough in communication for it not to be a concern.

The problem is, he is getting frustrated when we dont understand what he wants and it results in slapping his head. Sometimes quite hard. He only ever does this when frustrated. I have tried saying not to do it, stopping him mid slap etc and it still continues. Dont get me wrong, if nobody could understand me i'd get frustrated too but I can't have him hitting his head.

Any advice? Thanks so much!

Is this the Ages & Stages that you filled in @SundayMay?

Sorry, it doesn't look like the link worked . It's here.

When you say that he 'shows' you and your husband what he wants, what does this look like?

Does he point at things?

Does he take your hand and lead you to things?

Does he seem to understand simple language like 'get your cup' 'where's your nose' etc

Hi @CadyEastman , yep that's the one!

Hi @Littlefish,

Yep he does all of those things. Will point and/or take our hand if what he wants something from another room. Just this morning he wanted to go in the bath so he walks upstairs and waits in the bathroom for us to switch on the taps. His understanding is great, nothing gets past him haha. Yesterday for example we were out for a walk and we asked him to press the button for the green man at the traffic lights and off he goes.

We have 3 children.
2 of them didn't talk a lot (25 words I guess) at 2 yo. Nursery was very worried.
Language took off at around 3 yo.

Sing with him.
Read a lot of books.
Talk a lot with him.

Get his ears checked. Just to be sure.

Many years ago, the 2 year check was 10 words (its increased since then). DS1 failed the check. Hearing assessed, and no issues found.
About 2.5, his language just exploded, and he was talking in sentances (paragraphs!) within weeks of starting talking properly.
Yes, it's possible that there is an issue, and you need to monitor, but it is more likely that there is no issue, and you just need to keep going - but check his hearing.

Might help to teach him some signs? There are loads of YouTube videos with signing for children that the whole family can watch. It can reduce the frustration and signing often helps bring on a child’s speech too.

How does he do with this simple SLT progress checker?

If his understanding is good he'll likely be one of those where all the language comes overnight. My son was like that. It was like it was all in his head ready to come out, then one day it did (also just after 2 years old)

My DS didn’t speak a word until he was a little over 3. His understanding was great, he’d mimic phrases back in the same tone of voice I’d used eg I love you, he’d ‘say’ back I love you too, but it was nasally noise. He too would hit himself repeatedly. It was utterly heartbreaking, because he was trying so hard and just couldn’t do it! Didn’t help that he’s a twin and his sister talked easily, and his 27m check was during lockdown 1.0.

His speech did eventually happen, his first word was mama and it was the most beautiful moment, I cried! Ultimately, I’m still fighting to get him help, (he’s 6 now) and nobody has been able to diagnose a reason for it. He talks non stop and his speech is much better, vocabulary is great, but you still need to be tuned in to him to understand every word especially when he’s having a language explosion.

Is your son in nursery? That helped mine, in a weird way it’s like he had to figure out how to make himself understood better. They were superb with him, and came up with multiple strategies to help him cope. We saw a private ent who referred him for a hearing test (all good) and have been stuck in an infuriating loop of NHS ent/salt/hearing tests (he’s had 4 so far)/generally being fobbed off for years until the last 6 months or so and have finally managed to get speech therapy approved at school after being rejected by them previously for help.

It’s been a long road, but I think we’re getting there!

Things that might help:

Hug him when he hits himself, and explain the emotions he might be feeling and explain that you understand,
Keep talking, trying to get him to say the words himself. Try not to make it too easy for him to get what he’s after without trying the word himself (I hated this, seemed cruel to pick on a kid who was already struggling with speech!),
Praise, lots and lots of praise and encouragement,
Keep pushing for help,
and, keep a diary of when he hits himself, and what the circumstances were leading up to it to avoid a 6m wait for the next appointment!

My son was exactly the same with lack of speech but great understanding at age 2.

Everyone, inc HV, kept telling me, oh he'll probably just start talking one day.

I read to him from birth, talked non stop, sang songs, did everything one is supposed to do with a baby/child.

His speech between 2 and 3 was awful - just the same words over and over and most of them sounded nothing like the actual words they should.

I was sure something else was going on so I pushed and pushed for a hearing test. It took nearly a year to get one due to missed information from the HVs (who kept telling me his speech was fine - it wasn't.) Anyway, once we had the hearing test at nearly 3 years old, they confirmed his hearing was fine but suspected historical glue ear due to his medical history, hence lack of speech.

Once I knew it wasn't a hearing issue I could press on and get speech therapy. The NHS referral took 6 months. In that time, I found a private speech therapist and sent him to pre school. His speech absolutely exploded with the help of those two things - rhe speech therapist was amazing in particular.

If I'd not followed my instinct and pushed and pushed, we'd have had no help or intervention at all and his speech would still be terrible. I'm not meaning to scare you but to make the point that some children need help and the more you push and the earlier you do it, the better. We lost a whole year despite my best efforts at getting help.

Just wanted to add that my DD didn't talk until she was 3. Her understanding was excellent and she could follow simple instructions from a young age.

I posted too on MN and had similar responses. My HV was equally unconcerned.

She's now in the Pathway for assessment for ASD and ADHD and we've been told that diagnosis shouldn't come as a surprise.

Sorry, meant to add. Trust your instincts on this one

Thanks so much to everyone for your replies. Will give them a proper read tonight but from what I have read, some great advice/experiences. Life with a 2 year old and 10 week old is very busy!

My daughter has 3 words at 10 months but still had 3 words at 20 months but different words she never retained old words when learning new words. This was more of a concern than the lack of words. We had an assessment with HV and she scored ok on the 12-18 month questionnaire and 0 on the 18-24 months questionnaire. We were given some exercises to try to bring on her language which meant she started to build language rather than lose old words. By 2 she had about 10 words and communicated by pointing. We moved house and nursery and after a 3 months gap in childcare she started a new nursery at 24 months exactly by 26 months she had 2 and 3 word sentences and communicating with words rather than gestures.

She had a hearing test at 7 months after she wasn't responding to noises at 17 weeks by the time the test arrived she was hearing ok.

The key thing to be looking for continuous development in a positive direction. If there are too many or very significant backsteps that is more concerning. So a 2 year old that has only ever had 30 words is less concerning than a 2 year old that used to speak in sentences who now only has 30 words.

Sign language
Teach him makaton watch something special on repeat
Make picture choice boards so he can poi t apple or banana
Hitting is his communication give him a means to communicate
Download free trial communications apps like gridplayer

@SpringOfContentment similar here- my son didn't say any words at just 2- pure gobbledygook noise- at 2 years 3 months he
Literally started talking in complete sentences out the blue- he's now 25 and has always had a lot to say for himself since!

@SpringOfContentment My instinct tells me this is what is going to happen. He has started making a lot of different noises, hard to explain but sounds almost as though he is rolling his 'r'. You can't help but worry though can you, possibly also hormones from having a 10 week old allowing me to overthink.

@MumChp Thank you! Nobody seems to be worried but me so I think i'm giving myself a hard time overthinking it. A lot of posters have mentioned talking from 2.5/3 so hopefully this is the case for us.

Thank you @Superscientist . Great advice. You are right, we have noticed huge improvements over the last few weeks so maybe its best we look at the positives instead of what he can't do yet.

Anecdotal reassurance:

My youngest didn't speak in any meaningful way until 4. I could understand what she meant, but it was sounds with the odd word thrown in rather than talking. No one else could understand what she meant at all. Then she just did. She picked it up is now a developmentally typical 12 yr old who never stops talking.

Do all the checks that are sensible, but don't lose sight of the fact that sometimes some of us just take a little longer than others to get the hang of something.

Thank you @LaFidola. Same here, we are doing everything we are "supposed to do" such as singing nursery rhymes, always used proper words rather than baby talk, read books etc and although he does say some words, they just havent changed. We have however noticed huge changes with the sounds he is doing over the past couple of weeks so I feel this is a positive step.

In regards to his hearing, how would I know there was a potential issue? Sounds silly but we could be sitting in our livingroom and if my husband is upstairs for example and closes the babygate, my son hears straight away and walks upstairs to see what is going on. As you say though, worth pushing to get it checked just to rule it out.

@Yourethebeerthief Thank you! My instinct is telling me this is what will happen and I have worried for no reason at all. Similar to every other thing you overthink as a first time Mum 😂🙈.

@MuchTooTired Thanks for sharing your experience! I can imagine how you felt hearing Mama for the first time 💙. My son is at nursery 1 day a week and we tend to fill our other days with toddlers so he is around other kids often although too young to interact as such unless they are chasing each other 😂. Nursery havent expressed any concerns so i'm looking at that as a positive. However always good to be one step ahead in case it does become a problem down the line.