My daughter, 11, loves my fiancé and his son, 6. We have been talking about moving in with them for a while now and she has been excited about us being a family. She has anxiety and is getting help through school and therapy as well as our gp looking into possible medical reasons.
We decided that if we move in may, she can still attend her small school until she is in secondary (it will be a longer drive but it's manageable) so that she doesn't have 2 huge changes (moving and secondary school) all in the summer holiday. She only has a couple of friends where we are (and they can be a bit flaky, sometimes no contact for weeks) but we have been here, just her and I, barring frequent visits from my fiancé, for 8 years. I know it's a huge change, and it is more rural, so she won't have certain freedoms that she has now, such as being able to walk to the village shop or park with a friend.
She had recently had a traumatic time with her Dad, who got fed up with her anxiety causing her to be upset when she was with him (we have been separated for 8 years, she visited him once a week for dinner and once a week overnight, the rota was his decision due to work commitments). He blamed her for him having to work so hard (he wanted to stay in our house but says he kept it on so she had somewhere familiar) and told her he was fed up with having to do that, just for her to cry when she sees him. He then told her he doesn't want to see her again and told me to pick her up. This is obviously huge, and we are working through as well as we can. It only happened just before Easter so delaying the move so she has more time to process, isn't possible.
Above is just for context, my question is, does anybody have any advice on how to help her deal with the move? We are having frequent bouts of anger and tears from her, where she says she doesn't want to, hates the new house (she has always enjoyed visiting until now), won't go etc and other than tell her it is natural to feel many emotions when moving and explaining (when she is open to hearing it) the reasons behind and benefits of moving, all I can do is hold her and tell her it is OK to feel that way. What else can I do? I have joined the fb page for the new hamlet (it's about 35 mins away) and will be asking around on there for local children's activities, but she is socially anxious and hasn't been able to do anything without me with her for a while now (due to a bully issue that still haunts her but is no longer happening). We will still try, I'm open to all ideas.
I also have fears myself about moving (further from friends, family etc, although I will still see them regularly, and finding a new job) however it is to a property that I have always dreamed about (smallholding type, small community) and have always struggled to accept that it's OK to make changes when they will make me happy, I don't know why, but i can't help feeling selfish because it's my dream and so far she understandably struggles to see how her life will be. Sorry for the long post.