Hi I really need some help/reassurance and advice. I am a single parent to a 10 year old who I honestly believe hates me.
I left my husband almost 4 years ago after a long battle with his alter egos (alcohol and cannabis).
I rebuilt my entire life from the ground up and provided a safe and happy home for our child away from the daily alcohol fuelld arguments etc.
Iv always had concerns about my child but I put this down to separation anxiety as I worked irregular shift patterns and he’d often not see me for days so when I left my relationship I retrained and got a job working 9-5 mon-Friday to provide more structure and routine. His contact with his dad has been inconsistent due to his alcohol use and over the years he’s been let down a lot.
I referred to CAMHs 4 years ago with worries after he kept having melt downs where he would tell me he wished he was dead…. CAMHS never assessed him, spoke with me on the phone and obviously things where raw from the break up and I was upset about my child’s words and behaviour so they suggested I was the problem and I needed to seek support. Fast forward and over the years iv enrolled help from one point, chilled kids the school senco and latest the emotional resilience team none of which have worked.
My child has gone from being quite clingy and affectionate to not wanting to even speak to me (unless he wants something) and blaming me for everything saying iv ruined his life.
Hes always been old beyond his years which once upon a time was quite sweet but now it’s unbearable I feel like I’m living with my ex…….. hes manipulative and he’s nasty.
For years iv raised concerns about an additional need with school who denied seeing it until recently ….. he’s lashed out on a boy whom has bullied him on and off for over a year, I’d raised concerns around this and it was ignored but now he’s being labelled as the naughty child for retaliating.
He now appears to have given up he hates school doesn’t see the point, says He’s going to work on the sites like dad and he’ll make a fortune and he doesn’t need education to do that!
He listens but doesn’t take anything in and will argue until he’s blue in the face.
I had quite a big operation last week and on the day of my op he went awol from my mams turning his phone and location off. His dad was ringing me kicking off until he eventually got him back to his parents at 9pm!
Anyway he returned home to me the following day and since he’s been vile… he’s had his phone removed and privileged and he was grounded until he couldn’t show me I could trust him (there’s been other stuff in the build up to this). I allowed him out at the weekend given him strict check ins and a curfew… he again absconded until he was picked up at 9:30pm.
The day after he tried to go out and I said no and explained why and asked if he understood … his excuse was he doesn’t have a phone…. Anyway I put my foot down and I said no you can stay in with me and we can have a lazy day (I wasn’t feeling too good following the op) he then decided to physically attack me throwing a trainer at me then attempting to throw a heavy tool and threatening to kill me.
This devastated me I’m used to his cheek but actual physical abuse is another level especially when he’s witness to how much pain I’m in already. I decided it would be best if he went to stay with paternal GP/ dad as he’s also living there to give us a break and allow me to recover….. (and also dad appears to have the sun shining out his a*) they are all fully aware of what’s gone on and appeared supportive and reassured me that they’d have words etc
It’s been 5 days now iv been in and out of hospital so I’m quite emotional anyway but iv had no contact, no reply’s to my messages asking how he is .. iv messages “dad” tonight as Iv been alerted to a new snap chat account being created for our son and ask how our son is ….the reply I’ve had is annoying me as if I’m to blame (I already blame myself) the reply stated he hadn’t got access to anything other than the Xbox … and he’s behaving there because they’re doing there best to support him!!
I feel like iv literally gone to the end of the earth and back for support and Iv kept getting knocked back…… since I left my marriage we’ve never had a penny from dad…. At Xmas and birthdays Iv always bought presents and on the day when dad hasn’t showed up Iv made out they’re from us both! Iv fought tooth and nail for support for his mental health and until recently he’s been very much shielded from my own struggles… but he has me rock bottom and almost at crisis point!
He’s told me I’m boring as I don’t go out I don’t do what his other friends mam do which is sit in the local pub all day and get “off it”. Instead I work extremely hard to keep a roof over our head and feed him. He then throws it in my face that his friends get to go abroad and he doesn’t since I left his dad….. I have what most people would believe is an amazing and well paid job but it literally just pays the bills and I’m not entitled to benefits as a back up. I honestly feel worthless l, I feel like iv failed and I don’t know what to do. HELP