Not walking yet

[Samantha1571]

Has anyone got any tips on how I can get my 17 month old to walk? He is very lazy and it’s quite embarrassing that he still can’t walk. He can stand up without holding on to something for a few seconds and he can walk along the sofa etc but he has a meltdown if we try and get him to walk. We will hold him up and try and get him to walk but he will just sit down and cry and shows no interest. So many people are judging us and I’m worried he will reach 18 months old and he will still be the same. I just don’t know what to do. Everything with him has been a battle and he is a very difficult toddler. There are so many other things he doesn’t do.

I was 2.5 years when I walked, my siblings were 20 months and 2 years, my dcs were 22 and 21 months when they walked. My Gdc is showing the same traits - 15 months and barely pulling up / another bum shuffler. Can easily weight bear when put into standing position
No physical problems with any of us!

I have had similar concerns to you with my ds, he is 20 months old and will stand and cruise a little but not walk. At 18 months I took him to the Health Visitor as he wasn’t walking and his feet roll inwards slightly. HV advised to see the GP, GP referred to the paediatrician, they didn’t seem overly worried, he possibly has lax ligaments and explained some children don’t walk until they are 3. Ds will be referred to the physiotherapist now and will be seen again at the hospital when he is 2. The Dr suggested we buy a boot to support his ankles, we take him swimming regularly which can help.

Most people are really supportive and comment that he will walk in his own time, like you though, we have had some insensitive comments which are just based on people’s own experience with their own children, and every child is different. I have worried that ds will go up the toddler room at nursery still not walking, but he manages to make his way around and have great fun at nursery. A colleague told me her son had the same and, now and adult, he’s absolutely fine. I’m not worried as long as ds continues to be a happy little chap, we’ll just follow all of the advice.

Your ds will get there in his own time but if you are concerned, or just want some reassurance, take him to the HV or GP. Ignore comments saying he should be walking by now x

A child who isn’t walking at 18 months needs to see a GP who will refer for testing to rule out underlying medical issues. I wouldn’t be calling him lazy.

No he doesn't. He should see the HV who might suggest a referral to the GP if they have concerns.

He sounds quite mobile other than walking unaided. Don't really see why you feel embarrassed about it. I'd just check in with the HV if he isn't walking by 18 months, but plenty kids take longer. I know someone who was nearly 3 and they are in no way behind as an adult. They have had a very active lifestyle actually, more than most.

Until then just try to avoid having him in any kind of device that restrains him for as much as you can. Get him out of the pram on the playground and let him crawl. Let him crawl round the house, climb the stairs (supervised!). Play ball and balloon games with him while he is sat, to practice reaching and moving and building strength. Visit soft play so he can crawl about and climb. Just let him use his muscles and he will find his feet soon enough.

And please don't think he is lazy, he is just not ready yet.

I would have that was normal until the physio my dd has just seen said she had a delay. She walked at 14 months.

He can stand up without holding on to anything and he walks holding on to the sofa but he just can’t walk on his own. His legs are very strong. Once he does start walking, he will probably wonder why he didn’t do it sooner lol

I might also get his eyes checked. A colleagues son was well over 2 and not walking. Turns out he needed glasses and wasn't letting go of things as he couldn't see very well. He was walking very quickly after he got glasses.

Not saying this is the case but another thing to think (not worry) about.

Christ no need to be rude. I’m not forcing him, we are trying now and again and if he has a meltdown, we stop.

Well he hates food and won’t drink water, he can only say mama and baba. To be honest, I compare him to other toddlers and I shouldn’t because I know all children are completely different. He doesn’t go to nursery and I did tell my partner that would have massively helped him. He will be going to nursery soon thankfully and at least he will learn new things and interactive with other toddlers

No, he can’t walk holding our hands. He stands up a lot and can stand without holding on to anything. I reckon he will just randomly start walking. To be honest, I’m always constantly worrying about everything and when I’m getting judged, it’s make me feel worse and I feel like I’ve failed him

My dd (now 14yrs) didn't walk till she was 21 months, and didn't really speak till she was 2yrs. She's now a strong swimmer and speaks Spanish as well as English! (Taught not bilingual from early on!)

My reason for saying this is not to brag but to say 'don't worry'. He sounds as though he's physically strong enough if he's standing and cruising. Maybe it's a balance thing or just confidence. He'll get there. Try not to compare him to others. "Comparison is the thief of joy" is very true for little people. I know it's hard and can be isolating as you end up avoiding those with kids the same age if you're not careful. But he will get there!

I probably shouldn’t have said it’s embarrassing. I just was fed up with the comments that day. I know he will walk when he is ready. One of the HV said he was lazy and because she is the professional you just assume that’s why he isn’t walking. I know people say to see a HV but I really feel like they are so judgemental and it makes me not want to mention anything to them anymore. Even with him not drinking water, they are judging me on how I do it (I put puree in a bowl and pour water with it and feed it to him which he doesn’t mind doing or give him watered down formula which the doctor suggested) I would rather he be hydrated then dehydrate. I’m definitely not going to try and get him to walk now because I don’t like seeing him get upset. He will do it in his own time.

You keep referring to being judged -

what are the judgements that you think people are making about you?

Nursery might help in some ways but it isn't a magic bullet, no nursery will give the one-on- one attention that you can (not that there is anything wrong with nursery, it's just a different environment). You definitely haven't failed him by having him at home with you!

What is he drinking if not water?

Sorry didn't see your latest post! You sound like you're absolutely doing your best. Please don't stress about the walking. I know what it's like as mine was 17 months or so and everyone else's kids seemed to have cracked it by their first birthday.

My first was a late walker, had zero interest and then suddenly started a week before he turned 18 months. I was a late walker too (and also worked in early years) so wasn’t worried about it but it did become tiresome when people kept going on about it.

It sounds like he almost there OP, give it a few weeks and if he still isn’t going independently have a chat with your health visitor.

Also my second was walking and climbing everything by 10 months and it was much harder work!

Being embarrassed is a bit harsh tbh, it's nobody else's concern when he starts walking. My friends little boy didn't until about 19 months and I said to her all along that once he starts you'll never even think about it again

Stop worrying what others think, he's not lazy it just takes longer for some. Just give him lots of encouragement and help him along where you can. He will walk one day soon, I can guarantee that.

Two of mine were around 17/18 months when they started walking. I wasn't worried, but I did pick up on walking being a particular trigger for anxiety and competition among parents for some reason.

It is possible that there is a bigger picture here, with the hating food (what does that look like concretely?) and the speech (although that, too, could well be in the realms of the typical). It wasn't particularly helpful for the HV to call him 'lazy'. have you seen anyone (beyond the HV) about his eating?

Your HV doest sound at all helpful. Calling a toddler lazy and judging how you are trying to keep him hydrated. I can see why you don’t want to see them.

Your DS isn’t lazy. No toddler is lazy. That a ridiculous thing to have said.

Loads of toddlers aren’t easy going, can like something one second and have a giant tantrum about it the next.

Does he smile, point at things to either get your attention or show you them? Does he enjoy playing with toys, watching tv (if he has screen time). Saying one or two words and not walking at 17 months is normal. Not wanting to drink water is also not unusual. It can be a very frustrating stage - can’t communicate well, can’t walk around and can result it some pretty challenging behaviour. If you are concerned only because your feel judged, not because you are worried about lots of areas of his development, I’d try hard to put that aside. Have you got anyone else you can run all this by? He is likely going at his own pace and will do these things when he’s ready). But you also don’t want it miss anything if there is anything he needs support with.

Health Visitor doesn't sound great, not surprised you don't want to approach them.

I can remember getting a hard time (said half jokingly) that mine weren't walking by their first birthday (both walked a week after) because ALL the babies in our family walked before their birthday, some at 8 months old.

You cant honestly tell who walked when and my brother (and his grandchildren) who walked at 8 months aren't professional athletes or anything!

Your child is happy and healthy, you are doing a great job, you'll hopefully be laughing about how worried you were in a few months when you are chasing him round the park and run ragged.

My DS took his first steps at 16 months - one month before DD was born, so it was hard work being heavily pregnant with him not walking. I thought he was quite a late walker (about 4 months later than the last of the other babies in my ante-natal group), but DD was much later. She started crawling at 14 months (she didn't make any attempt to move around by herself before that!), but she wouldn't bear any weight on her legs with me holding her until she was 18 months old. She stood up for the first time holding onto the sofa when she was 20 months old and walked for the first time at 22 months. She was never a really a 'toddler' - she went from walking to running very quickly, and by the time she was two, no one would have guessed that she'd been such a late walker. She has never had any co-ordination problems - she loved ballet when she was little and then swapped to gymnastics when she was 6. She was a British Championship level artistic gymnast by the time she was 13.

DD was (and is still at 17) a very healthy, robust child who only went to the doctor's surgery for her vaccinations and saw the health visitor a total of 4 times after she was born (the last was her 8 month check). The health visitor was slightly alarmed at DD's 97th percentile weight at 8 months, but she wanted to tick off all the 'milestones' on her checklist, so she was much more concerned by DD's lack of interest in crawling and her inability to bear any weight on her (very fat) legs. Fortunately, as DS had been a fairly late walker, the HV left it up to me to monitor DD and asked me to arrange a follow-up visit if DD was still not bearing weight on her legs by the time she was 10 months old. Two months later, there was no difference, but I wasn't worried about DD at all, so I decided not to get back in touch with the HV. I knew if I did, she would start arranging unnecessary interventions and DD was still only 10 months old. The HV probably just ticked the 'weight bearing' box on her 8 month 'milestone' checklist when she didn't hear from me. I'm sure she would have been horrified to know that it would be another ten months before DD finally put her feet on the floor and held her own weight with me supporting her! There was never anything wrong with DD, she was just overweight (from a healthy appetite and a lack of movement) and very lazy.

Children develop at their own rate and there is such a wide variation on 'normal' for achieving all the various 'milestones'. My DS didn't really talk at all until he was 3 and then went straight to complete sentences. He wouldn't feed himself (even with finger food) until after his first birthday. He was still on the first level of the Biff and Chip books (with the three letter words) in the summer term of Reception, despite being a September baby and one of the oldest in the class, but by the age of 7 he had a reading age of 11.

DD might have been very slow to start moving herself around, but unlike DS, she was a very early talker (I used to be able to have conversations with her about her not walking yet!). By 6 months old she was holding her own Tommee Tippee cup and feeding herself finger food (I know it's disapproved of these days, but I started weaning both DC at 16 weeks and they were eating the full range of Annabel Karmel recipes by 20 weeks).

DD and DS are now 17 and 18 (lower and upper sixth) and are both healthy, sporty and academic. There is no difference at all between them and the children of the friends I met in ante-natal group, who met most of their 'milestones' much earlier than my DC did.

Sorry, that was a longer reply than intended it to be. I really just wanted to say, try not worry or to let any judgy comments get to you. He will get there in his own time and there's no rush.

My DD didn't attempt to walk until she was 18m but she's fine now and doesn't stop climbing and running! I know it can be worrying, but all babies do things in their own time. The HV told us that if she wasn't attempting to walk by 18m they'd refer us (not actually sure who to) but they don't tend to worry until they're 2.

If you don't want people to comment tell them to stop being so rude!

DS didn't walk until 18 months. Health visitor not worried as he was a very big baby and can take longer for them to have the leg strength to support their weight. At about 17 months we were at soft play and I was interrogated by a random woman who demanded to know why he wasn't walking. I asked her what she expected me to do? Did she want me to beat him until he started running round the room?? Then I told her to go away and mind her own business.

Honestly, your DS is doing all the preliminaries to walking and will most likely take those first steps very soon. Don't push him if it is upsetting him. If you are worried talk to GP/ health visitor and tell everyone else with unwanted opinions to butt out!

DS is now a very tall 23 year old with absolutely no mobility problems

They’re being nasty. If he could walk then he would! The pressure won’t help. It sounds like he is close.

Is he chunky? Bigger kids tend to walk later as it’s harder for them as more weight to move.

Could be balance issues? Has he had an ear infections?

At 18 months you can ask gp. Poor boy.