I don't enjoy being a parent

[Forfucksake84]

Does anyone else feel the same way? I love my children very much and will always keep them safe and would hate anything to ever happen to them, but the vast majority of the time I actively dislike being a mother and don't like their company. They are 9 and 3. I'm a single mother, which doesn't help, and their father gives me next to no help with them, financial or otherwise. I feel all they ever do is whinge, argue, ask for constant snacks, scream, cry, answer back and not do as they're told. I'd feel differently I'd I had calm, well behaved children but they're just not. I hate myself for feeling this way and feel like a terrible mother. I just feel completely consumed and trapped by motherhood with another 15 years of it ahead of me. I don't know what to do.
Please tell me I'm not alone in feeling like this.....?

Do the children ever stay with their dad overnight or with GPs? When I’m feeling overwhelmed I find that having that 24 hours ‘off’ is so beneficial.

being a parent is hard bloody work, I have days where I feel exactly how you described - we were recently on a holiday which cost an absolute fortune, we did lots of activities to keep DD entertained, yet most days she was whingey and miserable, it really made me think ‘why the f do I bother’…

Then other days she’s an angel and I feel like I couldn’t love her anymore if I tried.

You are not alone! Literally said that most of this week I swear. Love him so much but don't actually enjoy being his parent at times. Id prefer to work full time tbh. I know people say the years before they go to school are precious and you should make the most of it but my goodness, I sometimes can't wait for when he starts school.makes U feel terrible doesn't it when other people seem to have their entire existence based upon raising their kids.
He loves nursery and I get that it prob tires him out so he's shattered with us and then we get all the bad stuff.
We get no family help but granted got other half here so I do get time to exercise if I want. Must be hard with two kids and if U get no help. I bet you're doing an amazing job and Ur kids will actually be great, but just push Ur buttons as with them all time!

Loads of people feel like that...loads

Mothers used to keep this a secret as you are expected to love it, and have so much love for them that it sustains you. Except that often we don't love it and it doesn't sustain us, so you are definitely not alone.

You aren't a terrible mother OP. You have too much on your plate, and are turning it against yourself. Kids are draining and annoying a lot of the time and you're doing it all on your own. Nobody is meant to do this alone, no wonder you are totally spent.
Sounds like you need practical support first and foremost. I say, get some help somehow, any way possible, be compassionate with yourself and say well done to yourself for giving those kids everything they need despite how you feel, and start thinking much shorter term. Nothing good can come of "there's no way out for 15 years" thinking. Hugs xxx

My parents have them once a week for the night if they can. But I still feel its not enough! I feel like I'm going insane sometimes. I often have to hide from them in my bedroom with my earplugs in. I also have so much built up resentment for my ex for leaving me in this position to deal with them all by myself. I am also angry with myself for having a second child with him which ultimately made my life so much harder (he left when she was 8 months old). Then I feel guilty for regretting her. My mind is constantly awash with negative emotions

It makes you wonder why anyone has them in the first place. I struggle to see what's in it for me sometimes....

You aren't alone. Please don't think you are because I think you'll be very surprised how many mums feel the same but daren't admit it.

I only have one child and a supportive husband, and even I feel like you sometimes. I'm not what you'd call a 'happy clappy' mum. I force myself to take her to soft play, play games with her, take her to the park. But I don't enjoy any of it.
I want to be drinking wine, going off doing my hobbies, concentrating on my work.

I've never understood people who have loads of kids and their kids are their whole world. It's just not for me at all.

I think that's ok though. After all you're raising your children to be adults. Eventually their needs will be very different and it won't feel so relentless.

I have one dd aged 12 and l love her but some days l just think l am so over being a mum and a wife. You are not alone.

You are not alone.
Do you have some friends you can spend time with and get support from?
The lack of support can be crippling if you don't have that.

I don't have a lot of friends but I have a supportive family. That's all I have really. I would love a supportive partner but I'm 39 and it's looking increasingly unlikely

Its no more unlikely for you than anyone else!
Would joining a few groups help? Get you out a bit more, meeting peopple? Churches can be grest and very sociable if you're open to that? All sorts on for you and the children!
It will get better!

I know this won’t solve the problem in any way but can you write down any times you do enjoy being with them and repeat those? I saw someone online call this “sites of mutual fulfilment” - like those rare things both you & DC do like, if there are any. Like I still strap my 3 yr old into a buggy and me & older Dc get a good walk in. And we do “reading time” where I read my book for 15 mins and then they get a sticker if they were quiet for that time. Just makes some of the day enjoyable.

Don't beat yourself up. I promise you, it gets better/easier. I HATED being a mother. It sucks. Personally, I did not find having children 'enriched' or 'added' to my life. Quite the opposite, in fact. Having said that, eventually they get a bit older/independent, so you can start getting your life back. Hang in there

I have a supportive partner but I feel exactly the same. It’s just not remotely enjoyable. This Easter holiday has been torture. Mine are similar ages to yours OP. I just can’t wait for school on Monday. I just feel like the old me before kids was happy and fun, the new me is constantly stressed. I just fantasise about my old life all the time.

OP you are not unreasonable. Mine are now well beyond the small children phase but there were points where I hated my life with them. The sheer grind and repetitive days, lack of sleep and singing the wheels on the bus over and over. Not my happy place. They're much more fun now but whilst some people love the baby phase, I absolutely hated it whilst loving my dc.

Yes I agree, it's not enriching, but in fact often soul destroying. I feel like it sucks the life out of me. People say it gets easier as they get older, but I have also heard that the teen years are the worst of all. So if that's true the worst is yet to come!

Hi hun, I am a 25 year old single mum to a very challenging 6 year old.. It’s like everything we do now a days is a challenge. Along with all the other things like keeping your bills paid, while giving them a nice lifestyle, while looking after yourself it’s honestly all so overwhelming for me too. So don’t worry you are NOT alone. I totally get the feeling of resentment I was very badly abused mentally and physically by my sons dad and it really does make it hard when you have a child with them because you not only regret it and have them negative emotions but they’re sharing the same DNA so sometimes I convince myself that he’s manipulative and controlling just like his dad. Honestly I started going to church 1 yr ago, and praying to god is the only thing helping me through this journey. I will be praying for u too hun for ur strength & courage, keep going momma it’ll be worth it when they realise all the things u did for them ❤️❤️

I find this quite refreshing as all I hear is 'it goes so fast', 'enjoy it because they grow up too soon' and 'you'll miss this age'.

Then there are the non stop nauseating instagram reels telling you that these are the 'lasts' and you won't get them again and when you're 80 you would do anything to go back to having your children young.

It's all a bit much. I love my DS but I feel so guilty on days I just want to distract him with tv and sit on my phone because I'm exhausted from work and have 3 straight days of him Fri-Sun with whatever illness we are battling.

I’ve just come across this post! Omg you are totally not alone. I absolutely hate being a parent. (2boys 13,8) it’s the worst desicion I’ve ever made. The first boy is from an abusive relationship and I felt the right thing to do was to terminate the pregnancy! Unfortunately nobody as in doctors and even abortion helpline would listen to me and I was basically told to “deal with it” I called an abortion helpline for advise and the lady on the other end said that “abortion is murder. “
ive just had to deal with being a mother and I just hate it. It actually makes me really depressed. They are good boys but still. I wished none of it had ever happened tbh. Xx