My son had surgery this week and I took him to the hospital with my mum and my husband worked. That part is fine. He is a panicky kind of guy and we would have ended up falling out and making the day much more stressful. My mum is (I am pretty sure) a narcisist and even though I knew I'd 'pay' for her coming with us at some point, I knew on the day she would be ok.
My husband however is a "out of sight, out of mind" person and if he doesn't witness something himself, he can't imagine it. He therefore cannot physically imagine what the day was like for us. We came home from a 10 hour hospital day and he had prepared my son a comfy bed on the sofa etc but no hug for me, no how was it, no comfort etc for me.
He has then shut himself off all week watching football. Absolutely no concern at all for how I am coping caring for our son post surgery on my own whilst also 7 months pregnant. Thinks nothing of ringing me to ask me if I have seen his wallet, watch blah blah.
His family don't give a toss so don't get in touch with us or offer any help / support.
My mum rang me yesterday to see how things were going and sounded upbeat, and happy. She was on a super long dog walk and just heading back home so was ringing to check in. Cut to an hour later she turned up at my house crying her eyes out saying she was in pain and thinks she caught croup from my son and the coughing has pulled her muscles so she is in agony.
My husband got home from work, barely said a word to me and went to watch football upstairs. He is incredibly emotionally unavailable. I went to speak to him about what had happened with my mum and he nods along, says things like "yeah she is manipulative, she is getting worse" then is like "right I'm off to bed now." even tho the convo isn't finished from my perspective.
His mum has messaged me more in concern for how our dog is doing than my son, because the pup is in doggy boarding for a few days whilst my son recovers. There was a tone to the messages along the lines of how awful our dog must be finding it being away from us. She is retired but hasn't been to see us. It's just me and my boy, while I also juggle wfh.
I am feeling angry and bitter at my mum because I just KNEW at some stage she would make this week about her. When my son was under the GA she was telling me about what an awful time in labour she had with me, how awful things were for her when I was little because I was poorly, blah blah all about her. I am angry with my husband because when the going gets tough he reverts to a child who just wants to isolate. And I am pissed off with his mother because he is almost 40 with incredibly low literacy skills (which trap him in low paid work), probably some form of ADHD /Autism with has gone completely unchecked, and absolutely no coping skills at all. He was seeing a therapist who basically told him his mum had neglected him growing up. He was doing well in therapy but it became overwhelming so he had a "break" and now hasn't gone back to it.
I feel like all my big relationships are doomed and I feel trapped, utterly trapped, in this cycle of being the only adult I can rely on. I get more affection and emotional support from my child. Any advice?!