I got really angry with my 3 year old and now feel awful!

[GreenSippyCup77]

I feel so so terrible and annoyed with myself. I just got really angry with my 3 year old and he got so upset. I was trying to make us lunch and he was demanding a biscuit. I calmly explained it was lunchtime but he started crying, pulling at my legs, trying to climb on the counters to get to the biscuits. I lost it, shouted and I’m so scared to admit, I threw the biscuit packet at him. Not very hard but I’m so ashamed. He cried for ages, clearly really upset that mummy could do such a thing. I’ve said sorry loads and that it’s not acceptable for mummy to get angry. I don’t know why I flipped. I’ve scared myself! I’m just so worried he’s at the age he’ll remember and I don’t want him to be scared of me. He’s fallen asleep in my arms, exhausted from all the crying. Now I’m having a cry and feeling like the worlds worst mum 😢

There are a couple of times I lost my temper with my DS when he was small. The memory of his little face still makes me teary if I think about it for too long. He’s 21 now and I still feel bad.

I once asked him if he remembered. He didn’t.

You’ll both repair and recover. I know it feels awful and you’ve got my sympathies.

It does sound like you need to take a long hard look at what is going on for you. Are you feeling generally stressed? How is life for you generally? If I’ve ever lost it with a kid I look to see what’s caused it and how I can change things to avoid it in future.

Oh OP, it's such a horrible feeling isn't it. I can't say we've all done it as someone will be along to say they've never lost their temper with their little kid...

But I will say I have lost my temper too, and clearly scared mine and then felt awful. Whilst clearly it's not acceptable to shout at little kids, or throw a biscuit packet , what matters is what you do the other 99% of the time and how you behave afterwards. I apologise and explain we all lose our temper sometimes but it's wrong to shout etc and I'm sorry. I also try to figure out the trigger so I know what to do next time. I also remember that the other 99% of the time I'm a loving and good mum, and I'm only human.

@Rainallnight thank you. You’re right, I think what triggered my outburst was that I’m already quite stressed about his eating. He’s not eating a lot, and only wants junk like biscuits and crisps. His demand for a biscuit just heightened the stress of it all I guess. Doesn’t excuse my behaviour of course.

it’s not acceptable for mummy to get angry

Maybe reframe this - it is acceptable for Mummy to feel angry, because big feelings are okay and normal. What was wrong was shouting and throwing things. What I should have done was X (etc)

@ohpumpkinseeds yes worst feeling ever! Don’t think I’m going to shake this for a while 😩 Thanks for the solidarity though, it means a lot!

We all do it I think. The thing is to learn from it and take a breath as you feel the anger rising in you. You will be tested many times in the coming years, if you are all ready stressed and tired then you are bound to lose it sometimes.

Absolutely this. You are human. It is ok for you to feel angry and you can explain this along with explaining that you are sorry you shouted and threw the biscuits and next time maybe you will do xyz.
It will model to him about feelings and how we deal with them.
😊

Thanks everyone. I’m now crying at how kind and understanding you’re all being! @takealettermsjones that’s a much better way of explaining and apologising. I will try that when he wakes up.

Yes this is a good point. I have a three year old too so can totally empathise! If you feel yourself starting to get to that point again, you'd be better of modelling along the lines of mummy is starting to feel really cross, i need some calm down time in another room. But I have been there, it's hard to remember in the moment!

Just wanted to say thanks again everyone. We’ve had a lovely afternoon playing together and he doesn’t seem affected by my outburst at all. I still feel awful about it but at least now I’ve got some tips to help if I feel that angry again! Gosh I never realised parenting was going to be this hard!

@GreenSippyCup77 I came across this thread after an angry outburst at my 2 year old (who had just whacked me in the face when I tried to cuddle him, who is also dropping his nap...) I really struggle with my anger and your initial post and all the replies have really resonated, so thank you for helping an exhausted mother out! It literally makes me scared to have another, what I just get more angry... I'm basically fine until I get hit, that's the trigger point, and at least I know that won't go on forever... But goodness, all so hard