Looking for advice and opinions on children’s smart watches with listening in feature.. no judgement

[MakingMumories]

My little boy (6) has recently been allowed to play out on the street with some friends all of whose parents allow for more freedom than I am comfortable with. One of there houses is round a bend and out of view from our window as well as one of the kids back gardens that they often like to play in also being out of view.

I have recently decided on sourcing a smart watch with gps locator as I fully remember being a naive kid that tested boundaries and pushed limits trying to keep up with those around me. Being able to locate him would give me so much peace of mind and reduce my anxiety massively.

Heres where the issue comes in. Yesterday they were within ear shot of the window where I was able to overhear snippets of what was being said and although I couldn’t get a proper context, it didn’t seem to be very kind towards my little boy. Alongside this they have came to the door to “tell on” my little boy for something that he is completely adamant that he hasn’t done. When he came in I asked him a couple of questions without putting words or ideas in to his mouth it was determined that 2 out of group are only nice to him some of the time, as he is quite naive he fully believes that these boys are his friends and that’s completely normal whereas I suspect there may be an aspect of bullying going on and they’re using the guise of friendship to do this. He’s only 6 and I found myself wishing that I could have heard more of the conversation to help me decide how to proceed.

While ramping up my efforts to find a watch that has the features I’m looking for such as gps, communication and sos for a reasonable price I came across a listening in feature along with an old thread on here that had very savage opinions towards OP with regards to said feature. I’m wondering what thoughts you would all have with regards to my situation?

The watch wouldn’t be worn in school, to play dates, in anyones houses or anywhere else, purely for when he is out playing in the street so I can locate him and make sure he’s safe. If it turned out that they were being unkind to him then I wouldn’t allow him out to play on the street anymore however I don’t want to jump the gun and take away the freedom he’s been given for no reason and also take away his access to the rest of his friends (since they play as a group there’s no way to separate), I also would like him to develop his own judgement but again on the other side of the coin I don’t want it to escalate to where he is physically hurt before he realises there’s a problem.

Do I be the bad guy and completely revoke access to the street even though he enjoys being out? Can I justify listening in to see if there’s something going on? Or do I let it play out and let him learn from it, even if it is potentially a hard lesson? I am so conflicted and not confident on where to go with this for the best.

I grew up climbing trees, in the fresh air and skinning my knees so I hold a lot of value in having that freedom and being outside. We don’t have a garden they can access otherwise I would give them unlimited access to that where I could keep an eye. We also visit parks etc a lot but even I know that’s not the same.

Sorry for the long read and lack of punctuation.
Again, advice no judgement please only looking to do what’s best for little one.

You need to leave him to get on with it, this is how he learns to deal with this sort of stuff. Do not eaves drop, it’s unnecessary and I would not be happy if I was the parent of the other child in a conversation.

I personally think 6 is a bit to young to be playing out on the street with no parental supervision especially if you know the other children are being mean. Knowing his location and listening in wouldn't prevent something bad from happening. You can give him this freedom when he is a bit older and just now you could arrange a playdate at the park?

This is good advice.

You listening in on other children without the knowledge or consent of them or their parents is ethically problematic.

I would suggest either waiting until he is a little older and/or equipping him with strategies to use if someone is unkind or he feels uncomfortable.

What age do you think is acceptable for street play? One of the reasons I am so conflicted is because some of the children within this group are as young as 4 and my little boy can watch on from the window not understanding why he’s not allowed to join in, I can deal with the tantrums but it’s heartbreaking to see him sad and feel like he’s missing out. We do meet ups at the park etc a lot but it’s impossible to be out of the house every time these other children are out playing. No matter how much fun we have doing other things he still feels like he’s missing out on what they are doing.

I now feel a million years old because I initially read smart watches in the sense of looking smart eg a nice Rotary 😭

Anyway, I largely agree with PP. Either he's mature enough to play out without supervision or he isn't- if you feel you need to be supervising then you should do that in person not by listening in (fwiw I think it's far too young but we all make our own judgments).

How do you plan on informing the friends and the friends’ parents that your son will be wearing a watch with a listening device? What if a different friend joins that you haven’t told, your son will have to tell them then and I think it will be detrimental to his friendships as they won’t talk to him when he’s wearing his watch.

So you are asking about letting your 6 year old to play outside in areas you cannot see and with children who are mean to him?

There's no way on earth I would be letting my 6 year old go out playing on the street unsupervised and out of sight.

I’m not saying this in judgement of you though as you have said yourself that you are not comfortable with it and I don’t blame you!

Do not let peer pressure force your hand when it comes to making parenting decisions. You need to do what you consider to be safe and appropriate and not make decisions based on what other mothers think.

Honestly for me about 11. But this is something that MN has a wide range of views on and I think it goes by area- there are no little kids playing out where I live (in the south east) and if I saw an unsupervised 4yo in the street I'd call the police and supervise him myself until they arrived.

But you need to use your judgment and that will sometimes mean that you don't let your child do things that some other children are allowed to do, and it's hard but necessary.

@MakingMumories There will be a long list of things other children are allowed to do that you will say no to in the future. You are the parent and you decide. IMO letting 4 year olds play out on a street unsupervised is neglect. Explain that you want to keep him safe.

If you are not comfortable with him playing out then don't let him. I would have severe misgivings of my adult listening to my child playing and would be looking to legality of it.

If he isn't able to navigate playing unsupervised then the answer isn't to trample on a child's right to some degree of privacy.

It’s a completely insane idea. Either you feel your DC is mature enough to play out, stay in safe areas and resolve conflict with his friends on his own or you don’t and you don’t allow him out without supervision until he’s older. This could end up really bad for you and him, because if the other kids and their parents find out you’re eavesdropping on the kids they’re obviously going to be really unhappy about it. I would be upset if you were spying on my kids because not only is it creepy AF but the purpose is what to call out little kids doing he said she said?? You can’t get involved it. All you can do is decide what would be best for your DS. What other parents do with their 4YO is irrelevant, and tbh unless they’re with a sibling old enough to properly supervise then that’s just neglectful.

I don't know what the right age is as my two are 3 and 5 and I definitely think that is too young. I imagine it is when it feels right to you as a parent based on the personality, temperament and maturity of your individual child.

My eldest is nearly 4 and I think around the age of 10 is okay.

Too young to be able to play out unsupervised. You have play dates at this age, so you are around to step in if necessary. I am more overprotective than most but mine didn’t go out alone until secondary age.

The age depends on the child, their developmental level and personality. You know your child best.

Watching others doing things he isn't allowed to do yet is a difficult feeling, but you're there to help him process it. There will be other scenarios later in childhood, e.g. some of his peers will be allowed smartphones / social media apps earlier; some of his peers will have parents who facilitate / condone alcohol use earlier.

For me i'd say at the earliest Y5 at school, that's when our school allow them to walk home on their own (live in a village)
Mine will be 9 then.

I'd say 8 to play out without you unless it's just popping into a neighbors garden. I don't think the watch is going to solve your issues. Why not initiate some play dates with kids from school? I've always had the most appealing garden toys to lure them all in my garden so I can keep an eye on things.

This. If I found out you’d be listening to my child, I’d actually report to the police.

Thank you all for your reasonable responses. I have quickly decided that my anxiety isn’t unfounded and that he’ll have to wait another few years before being allowed back out in to the street to play. As a few of you have pointed out, in the meantime I’ll plan to be better equipping him to deal with situations he’s uncomfortable in until that day comes around again. I will also be looking in to how best to navigate his FOMO as well as seeing if there’s anything I can do to get him streetwise without allowing him in at the deep end.

My intention was never to get personally involved, nor was it to start a he said she said. I would never call out a child or their parent on their behaviours. My thought was just permanently removing my little one from the situation if I believed it would escalate. I don’t believe it to be of my concern what other kids are doing or saying or who those kids are, I also don’t believe anyone of that age to be intentionally causing harm or to hold it against them in anyway as suggested. It wasn’t something that I had excessively looked in to and now agree that it is completely unnecessary and unreasonable and that I’ll be taking other steps as mentioned above to safeguard my child.

You have all given me enough to stand back from the situation and hold firm in my decision.

The area we are currently living in, it is fairly normal for kids to be out from a very young age so there is a lot of them. I am hoping to relocate and buy elsewhere in the next couple of years but at the moment it’s not an option.

Thanks again 🫶🏻

@MakingMumories It is really hard when your son can see other children playing but I think you are making the right decision.
Sometimes my DH and I will go out with our young children and get involved with whatever game is being played on the street. Obviously we can only do this on the weekend. It's a very friendly street so no one seems to have an issue with it.

Eavesdropping may cause mistrust and violate his sense of personal privacy. It is important to find a balance between protection and trust. Instead, try to openly discuss safety rules with him and how to deal with problems. Encourage him to be attentive and open, give him tools for self-defense. I think it is worth considering discussing with the parents of your child's friends to create uniform safety rules for all children.