Feeling like I’m failing

[NameName2023]

Home with DC2 today as DC1 is in nursery. She’s teething so was up loads in the night. I eventually handed her over at 6AM for DH to take her for a couple of hours so I could get some sleep.

I know I should be doing more with her today but I’m exhausted. I’ve also hurt my back so can’t lift her in the car seat to even just go and do a supermarket shop. The weather is really windy here at the moment so I don’t want to go out (hoping the weather improves this afternoon).

If I leave the room, she cries. I’ve got laundry that needs doing, dishwasher to empty, food to prep for weaning but I just want to sit on the sofa watching tv.

I feel so rubbish that I’m not engaging with her more or doing more activities - I just physically can’t at the moment.

Sit on the sofa and watch TV. She will love the cuddles and you will get some rest

laundry can wait…

You're doing fine!
Are you perhaps depressed? You sound rather down.
I'd cut yourself some slack here. It's hard, looking after a baby and an older child, especially on reduced sleep.
Maybe see the doctor for some anti depressants.

You're not failing. Everyone has those days! Everyone. Anyone who claims they don't is lying!

How old is DC2? Can she play mostly on her own, surrounded by a few toys, with minimal input? Jumperoo? Stick her in the bathtub with a bowl of whipped cream coloured with food dye? Put a bit of CBeebies on?

Could you get an express food delivery if you need stuff? Yes delivery is dear but do what you have to when they're ill. Don't prep loads of weaning foods today - toast, fruit, scrambled eggs. She'll love it.

When's DH home? He can do the dishwasher then!

I feel you. My DC2 is 11m and just the same today, been up since 5.50am, teething and very snotty baby. Eldest 3.5yo is at nursery today thankfully. My DH set off on his commute at 630am and won't be home until 7.30pm when he'll expect dinner because he's working again on a vid call 830pm - 10pm.

I'm taking advantage of baby nap time to do absolutely nothing and sit and watch trashy TV and drink hot tea. There is loads to actually 'do' - chores etc, but I'm happy as I am.

I've reframed what I'm doing as resting and filling my cup, so it isn't really doing nothing. It's doing a worthwhile thing that will make me feel better and more able to 'mum'. I can't 'mum' when I'm exhausted or burnt out.

When baby is awake and I'm rested, I'm going to drag the highchair into the kitchen, shove baby in it and toss food at baby while I unload the dishwasher/wash up/stick the slow cooker on.

When it comes to laundry, I've got a load to fold and put away and another one to hang out. I'll set baby up with toys next to me while I do it. If baby becomes too helpful, I'll shove them in the cot for 5mins or 10mins so I can get the job done. It's not much out of a 12hour day in the grand scheme of things.

If I can be bothered or if I'm feeling up to it, we'll go for a walk and maybe stop at the park later too. Fresh air always makes me reset.

Don't berate yourself for prioritising what you need. Doing nothing when you need to for yourself isn't really doing nothing.

I've got so much to do but my baby is in nursery and my older DD is with the grandparents for the day so I've cancelled all my plans and I'm watching MAFS under a blanket. Sometimes it's just needed. Part of me feels guilty that I've put her in nursery while I'm not working but actually I need it and that's ok too x

You’re not failing. It’s about survival on some days and thriving on others. Today you’re surviving!! Do some imaginative play at home. Crafts, baking, sensory play or games. We’ve just had three weeks of chicken pox.. I’m simultaneously bored shitless yet exhausted!! We are bouncing back now though. Hang on in there!

Absolutely do not feel guilty- DS is in nursery a few days a week and I am only working one or two of those. Lots of benefits to nursery for them aswell as giving you time to refill your cup somewhat.. you can’t pour forever from an empty cup!

Thank you everyone for all the support! Lazy day yesterday was definitely needed but feeling more positive today xx

That's good!
We all have off days.
I'm glad you're feeling better today.