2-1 nap transition nightmare for 15 month help. Any advice appreciated

[Charlotteap]

My son for the last couple of months has slept through perfectly , minus the odd few nights. This is on a 2 nap schedule, usually looking like this

Wake - 7:30 am
Nap - 11- 12:30
Nap- 16:00-16:30
Sleep - 21:30

this worked perfectly till recently , he’s never had more than 10 hours ever. However the last couple of weeks he really started fighting the 4pm nap sometimes not going till after he but then not being able to get him to sleep at night or refusing all together.

so last week the first day he refused the nap, we pushed through and he slept 19:30- 7:30!! We were amazed, the longest sleep he’s ever had in his life and no wake ups during the night. The 2nd night again another 12 hours , I was ecstatic, this was with this routine.

1 nap routine
wake - 7:30
nap - 12:30-14:30 ( he was even sleeping longer on this one)
bedtime 8 ish

anyway the problem aside from 2 perfect nights we’ve had 4 nights of him going to sleep for a while then waking up and not going back, last time he stood in his cot at 1am and I couldn’t get him back till 3am he was wide awake. This has happened a few times and usually then revert back to 2 nap because he’s so tired the next day so doesn’t last till 12:30.

im at my wits end and so tired, do I push through and I’ll get used to it. Why does he wake and have a wake window in the middle of the night overtired? Is he not ready ?

like I say the 2 naps worked perfectly but then he started refusing the 2nd but then the couple nights did a miraculous 12 hours whcih he’d never get on 2 naps.

any advice would really really be appreciated I only got about 4 and half hours last night and don’t know whether to try the 1 again or put him down soon 😴

thanks I’m advance

I should add the 1 nap routine he easily gets to 12:30 and stays awake for 5 hours with ease. It’s the lasting 5 hours after waking from the nap that I think he’s struggling with. But he didn’t seem too tried yesterday. But never had to this with him before. Waking in the middle of the night and not going back 😴

I would start with the assumption that he still needs roughly the same total amount of sleep. He was doing 10 hours over night, 1.5 hours first nap, 0.5 hours second nap, so 12 total. When he first started doing one nap, he suddenly did 12 overnight and a 2 hour nap, so 14 hours – that's a lot more sleep, so probably not sustainable and he's awake in the middle of the night because he's not tired enough. (Split nights often come from too much total sleep time.) Even 11.5 overnight and a 2 hour nap is still a big increase.

I'd try to stretch that second wake window – it will take him a little time to adjust (which probably won't be fun for any of you), but try to get bedtime back to 21.00 or 21.30. He might need a 10 minute cat nap some days, but if he's ready, he should adjust in a week or two.

If the second wake window is a big problem, but he easily gets to 12.30, you could push the nap back a little. Most children sleep better overnight if their last wake window is a big one, but there are exceptions – both of mine tended to have a late nap, and DD1 could nap impressively late in the day without it affecting bedtime.

Thank you very much for your reply , I presumed since he was now staying awake for a lot longer in the day that he would need more sleep on the night and was making up for it but I guess the opposite makes sense!

After 4.5/5 hours in the evening he gets super tired, non stop yawning doesn’t want to do anything, rubs his eyes and starts crying at silly things so not sure he can last another hour / hour and half but I will see.

thank you I’d never heard the term split nights and interesting to read. He’s only just started walking the last week or so and some sites say could be related to mastering a skill too.

any tips on what to do once he is awake. Shall I just try force him back or be more lenient even if it is an ungodly hour. Thanks agai n

It's a bit trial and error at this age but I was actually going to say try moving bedtime earlier. I know it doesn't make any sense but I had similar with one of mine and an earlier bedtime actually helped them sleep longer.

Alternatively, if he's managing the morning wake window fine but struggling to stay awake later on, could you move the nap to e.g. 1:30 - 3:30?

Also what do you do when he wakes at 1am? I'd make sure nothing interesting, just soothing words, shushes and pats etc. No milk, no books, no playing, no lights on.

Not saying you're doing any of that but I do remember a friend of mine pulling her hair out at 4am wakings - I said what do you do - she put Disney films on to cuddle on the couch and doze etc. I said you've created his favourite time of day 🤣

@skkyelark thank you again, he seemed more awake yesterday evening so stretched him till 9 and he did till 8:10!

@takealettermsjones thank you for your reply! Definitely agree with it being trial and error, the previous times he’s seemed so tired by 7 but seemed awake last night so he didn’t end up going to sleep whilst 9 and he slept till 8:10! Very happy and well rested Mum today 😂 I’m sure we will have another split night but like you say trial and error and I will deffo take him earlier if I see him struggling and not force him awake.

and oh yeah deffo I sat for 3 hours in the dark reading my phone behind his back , rocking him whilst he babbled looking at the ceiling 😂