Should my DC pay for damage?

[Notjustabrunette]

My 7 year old throw my iPad in anger after an argument with his sister (9). As a result, the screen has broken. It happened the other day, but I have only just noticed it, and he had confessed. I’ve given both kids a talking to about respecting other people’s property and anger management techniques. I’m going to look into getting the screen repaired tomorrow. Part of me is thinking that my DC should contribute to the cost of the repair as a lesson in consequences. I don’t know at this stage how much it would cost to repair, and I wouldn’t make him pay for the total cost but was thinking that a £20 contribution out of his birthday money might make him think a bit more about looking after things and that they don’t magically get fixed after he’s broken something. Or am I being ridiculous? Kids are both pretty unset about the current lack of iPad, and he did fess up and apologize.

Yes £20 from their money is totally reasonable! “Sorry” is nice but unfortunately saying sorry doesn’t fix the iPad, and it’s a lesson that actions have consequences

I think that sounds totally reasonable and is a good way of reinforcing to him that actions have consequences

Absolutely he should pay towards the repair. That’s a real consequence. I’d also make sure he knows what nice things could’ve bought for himself with that money, so the consequence means something. That would be far more effective (done kindly) than being told off.

Absolutely ! Take some of his money away , kids got everything they need anyways nowadays so he’s not missing out on anything , I know you don’t really need the money but to teach him a lesson that once it’s broken , there will be no new replacement , maybe he will learn then . Nowadays kids think they can brake stuff and tomorrow it’s magically fixed ,or new one is bought like money grows on trees . they don’t care like we did when we were kids because we only have the one and only and would have to wait for another Christmas to get a new one or any at all if we broke something .

My dad used to get really angry when we broke things, to the extent we all used to just lie and never admit anything. I also think taking birthday money is just not on.

If that was me I'd make him put up with a broken iPad screen, and if he gets really fed up of it then that's the time to make him do some jobs to "pay back" some of the cost of getting it fixed

Yep, £20 is reasonable. Been there with my DC, got that t-shirt - sympathies.

absolutely he pays! And make sure he feels it, not just the number on a balance sheet that means nothing to him going down

Ah, sorry, just seen it's your iPad. That does change things a bit! But i do think you need to balance the fact he did own up to it.

Doesn’t matter , only because he says he’s sorry doesn’t mean he can Carelessy Throw very expensive thing on the floor and smash it ? Obviously it didn’t mean much to him to do that . If sorry is all it takes everytime then he will carry on breaking things .

I’m going against the grain. At 7, developmentally he hasn’t yet got good emotion control and it’s not unusual that sometimes things broken. Birthday money is too far removed, it’s not immediate enough and just saying ‘we could have bought X’ is too abstract and hypothetical for his age. He can’t yet understand longer term consequences yet and it’ll make him miserable and resentful rather than help with real understanding. I’d go to the screen repair shop with him tomorrow, ideally instead of doing something fun he’d have otherwise done, so he experiences that it’s inconvenient. And pay in cash in front of him, not card, so he sees first hand that there’s a monetary cost. Make it as visible as possible. I wouldn’t punish beyond that as unlikely to change behaviour.

It wouldn’t have bothered mine in the slightest if you took money off them , as they use the iPad a better punishment would be to not let him use it for a week after it gets fixed .

That’s a good idea. We are not going to the park we have to go and get the screen fixed. He sits there bored and gets to properly experience the tedium of sorting stuff out.

A careless accident is one thing intentionally throwing a valuable item does need more consequences.

For me it would depend when his birthday is and how he feels about money or if he is saving for something special. If it was a while ago and the money is in the bank already he won't really notice it gone. If he keeps a wad of cash in his room it might him think about what he did when he has to hand over a 20.

I would maybe tell him what it cost to fix and make him do age appropriate chores that each have a value. This will also show him the value of money and be a useful lesson in budgeting and money management.

Just don't get it repaired?

Read the post, it's not his iPad, it's the OPs!

Yes he should absolutely pay towards the repair. He will learn the value of nothing otherwise and that won't be helpful in the future. You don't want a child who grows up to expect no consequences to his actions.

I wouldn’t take money from my 7 year old if they broke something. PP is correct in that developmentally it just won’t compute. You need a different consequence.

I would 💯 take money.
my parents did it to me from 6 or 7.
I broke something on purpose/via stupidity just before my 1st communion and half the money for repair was “docked” from my 💰haul from my communion.

i am 40, careful with my things and still remember it so imo it works 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Pepperama
Only one that's made sense.
I totally agree.
Age 7 is too young to be taking HIS birthday money.

Expecting a contribution is reasonable. I don't think taking birthday money and having it fixed immediately is going to teach the lesson though. That was "free money", and it doesn't demonstrate that paying things off also takes time and effort!

Being fed up with the lack of ipad is a natural consequence of the actions too, don't fix it too quick

It's OP's I pad not the DC's. Why should she put up with a broken screen he threw on purpose?

I'd make him hand over £20 of his own money and not let him use it again for some time. He threw it on purpose. It's different from tripping up and dropping it.

Thanks for all the responses. Definitely food for thought. The birthday money is in his room, he’s very aware of how much he has and what he would spend it on. He has about £100. I think my biggest issue is that growing up things that were lost or broken didn’t get replaced. That was that. It taught me to be careful and look after things. I don’t want my kids to think that things will just be replaced. A broken iPad isn’t the same as replacing a lost water bottle etc.
I am really impressed that he fessed up, so I don’t want to shoot myself in the foot by not encouraging honesty. I like the idea of taking him with me, having to endure the palaver of going into town to sort it out. We could be using ‘ice cream’ or other treat money etc to pay for it. Im working this week, so I won’t have time until the weekend. Which I think will help with understanding the consequences. The minefield of bringing up kids who aren’t entitled and know the value of money.

@caringcarer Exactly, it wasn't an accident, it was done on purpose!

Money wouldn’t have meant much to ds at that age. I would tell him the consequence of not taking care with the iPad is not being allowed to use it anymore unless supervised, until he has proven he can control his impulse.