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Original poster

Those that have both sexes… is there really such thing as a the unique ‘mother / son’ bond?!

27 replies

Kiki1703 · 08/04/2024 17:56

If so - how would you describe it vs mother/daughter bond?

I love my daughter sooo much. I feel spiritually connected to her. She’s super tactile and loving, she passionately tells me she loves more than a few times, every day and she’s ten years old!

I really don’t get how a son can be more loving, or the bond more ‘special’ than what I already have?

Those of both; please share 🌈🙏🥰

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LaughterLentil · 08/04/2024 17:59

I believe it is down to secure parenting. I have DCs of both sexes, and all tell me they love me and are tactile and loving. However, as an adult, it is my DD that facetimes almost daily. I hear from my 'just as loving' elder son when I ring him!

MiddleagedBeachbum · 08/04/2024 18:02

I only have a son, he’s 20 and some days he tells me multiple times a day he loves me. We’re currently on holiday, he’s such a sweetie, every evening tells me I look beautiful in what I’m wearing, carries tue heavy stuff, offers to run get things etc, I’m so blessed to have him, I find it strange to imagine a daughter but I’m sure we’d be just as close 🥰

StasisMom · 08/04/2024 18:04

I'm lucky enough to have both, my DD is a few years older than my DS. Yes there totally is but I'm struggling to quantify it for some reason. I view them pretty differently - I see her as more capable, yet I see him as needing more attention. She's actually totally manipulative and knows how to get me to do everything for her! He's gentler than her and is very sensitive to others' moods, eg he'll put a hand on mine if he knows I'm a bit upset or whatever. I'd walk over burning coals for either of them, I can't separate them on that way, but yes, there is something.
Not sure that in any way clarifies!!

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Original poster
Kiki1703 · 08/04/2024 18:14

StasisMom · 08/04/2024 18:04

I'm lucky enough to have both, my DD is a few years older than my DS. Yes there totally is but I'm struggling to quantify it for some reason. I view them pretty differently - I see her as more capable, yet I see him as needing more attention. She's actually totally manipulative and knows how to get me to do everything for her! He's gentler than her and is very sensitive to others' moods, eg he'll put a hand on mine if he knows I'm a bit upset or whatever. I'd walk over burning coals for either of them, I can't separate them on that way, but yes, there is something.
Not sure that in any way clarifies!!

Thanks for sharing… Do you think boys are more emotionally needed and that is why some mothers say they have a ‘special’ bond compared to their girls? As in they enjoy the dependence slightly? X

OP posts:
Itsonlymashadow · 08/04/2024 18:16

I have a boy and a girl.

The bond I have with both is unique. I think because of who they are. Not because of their sex. My dd is adult, our bond is deeper than mother and daughter, she comes to me for advice especially around issue impacting women. We have bonded not just because we are related but because of shared experiences, our similarities and our differences. She has opened up lots of subjects I knew nothing about. I know plenty she doesn’t and we can talk for hours. She is amazing and I love her so much.

My son is 13 and I adore him too. He is funny and very caring. When my mum died he would be the one to spot a needed a hug. Or try and make me laugh. The might of her funeral he is the one that brought me a cup of tea and silently kissed my head and gave me a hug, when I said I would be ok just needed some time alone. He will send me funny videos and jokes and comes home and loves to tell me about his day. As dd is at uni, now is the time he gets to be the only child. We go out for meals and to the cinema. We go on random days out hours away to see something that he wants to see. He I produced me to gaming and we bond over Fortnite. I love taking an interest in his interests. He is smart and funny.

With both my kids though I make sure I support them being independent. As much as I would like them with me all the time, my job is to get them ready for the outside world. So plenty of time with friends, independently, plenty of responsibilities at home, ensuring any age appropriate decisions are made by them and so on.

I don’t believe there’s a bond unique to all mothers and sons. How would people even know?

If someone has a stronger bond with their son rather than their daughter, how do they know it’s not down to personality? If you have multiple of both and bond better with only one sex, it’s more likely to be down to some ingrained issue in the parent.

Original poster
Kiki1703 · 08/04/2024 18:21

Itsonlymashadow · 08/04/2024 18:16

I have a boy and a girl.

The bond I have with both is unique. I think because of who they are. Not because of their sex. My dd is adult, our bond is deeper than mother and daughter, she comes to me for advice especially around issue impacting women. We have bonded not just because we are related but because of shared experiences, our similarities and our differences. She has opened up lots of subjects I knew nothing about. I know plenty she doesn’t and we can talk for hours. She is amazing and I love her so much.

My son is 13 and I adore him too. He is funny and very caring. When my mum died he would be the one to spot a needed a hug. Or try and make me laugh. The might of her funeral he is the one that brought me a cup of tea and silently kissed my head and gave me a hug, when I said I would be ok just needed some time alone. He will send me funny videos and jokes and comes home and loves to tell me about his day. As dd is at uni, now is the time he gets to be the only child. We go out for meals and to the cinema. We go on random days out hours away to see something that he wants to see. He I produced me to gaming and we bond over Fortnite. I love taking an interest in his interests. He is smart and funny.

With both my kids though I make sure I support them being independent. As much as I would like them with me all the time, my job is to get them ready for the outside world. So plenty of time with friends, independently, plenty of responsibilities at home, ensuring any age appropriate decisions are made by them and so on.

I don’t believe there’s a bond unique to all mothers and sons. How would people even know?

If someone has a stronger bond with their son rather than their daughter, how do they know it’s not down to personality? If you have multiple of both and bond better with only one sex, it’s more likely to be down to some ingrained issue in the parent.

Edited

This is lovely. Thanks for sharing.. how old is your daughter out of interest? X

OP posts:
Scalby · 08/04/2024 19:49

It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy in a lot of mothers. I also don't think you can truly know the strength of your bond until they're adults.
DS1 moved out at 23, when he and his now fiancée (soon to be wife) bought their first home. No one would describe him as a mummy's boy.
I taught him to respect women, to hopefully one day be a great father and to have a good moral compass. I'm incredibly proud of him. He describes me as his calm, the quiet voice of reason.
I think we have an amazing bond. Dd is only 17. We are very close too but I'd hate to be described as her best friend or her feel she has to consider me in her ambitions. By not having a daughter I don't feel like I would have missed anything based purely on her sex.

mondaytosunday · 08/04/2024 20:51

I don't think it's unique. My two are totally different characters which I think means more than sex. But I think it's natural to be more bonded to a girl.
My friend, two boys and a girl, said her daughter always greeted her enthusiastically when she got home from work; the boys just mumbled a 'hi'.

Bbq1 · 08/04/2024 21:12

My son is very loving and we have a special and strong bond. He's 18 and tells me multiple times a day how much he loves me. He's very affectionate and always hugging me. He's our only child and means the world to us. I think it's partly due to a blend of parenting and personality. From the day ds was born he was told and shown how much he was loved and as he grew we forged a very close relationship. I can't imagine loving any other child as much. You can easily have a strong bond with a loving son. Lots of sons are affectionate and it's thought that boys as a whole are more affectionate than girls. Many girls aren't affectionate at all.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 08/04/2024 21:14

I have both. There is no difference.

For the first few weeks of my daughter's life I was worried I wouldn't love her as much as my son. But then I started to get to know her.

They both want to cuddle me all the time.

Wedontopenyet · 08/04/2024 21:18

Bbq1 · 08/04/2024 21:12

My son is very loving and we have a special and strong bond. He's 18 and tells me multiple times a day how much he loves me. He's very affectionate and always hugging me. He's our only child and means the world to us. I think it's partly due to a blend of parenting and personality. From the day ds was born he was told and shown how much he was loved and as he grew we forged a very close relationship. I can't imagine loving any other child as much. You can easily have a strong bond with a loving son. Lots of sons are affectionate and it's thought that boys as a whole are more affectionate than girls. Many girls aren't affectionate at all.

Have you got a daughter ?

Hoppinggreen · 08/04/2024 21:19

I love DD, we share a similar sense of humour and spend a lot of time together and she is very open with me. She actually very easy to be around and I miss her awfully when shes away - I am dreading her going off to Uni in September
BUT despite DS being a grumpy 15 year old who I dont really share any interests with we have an amazing bond. We are pretty similar and just "get" eachother.
He melted my heart from the moment I met him

NahNeedsGarlic · 08/04/2024 21:26

Behaviourally my daughter is a cat and my son is a dog 😂.
I love them both to bits, btw. But for affection ds wins hands down.
Cat-loving dh would say the opposite!

Luckingfovely · 08/04/2024 21:29

I have one of each (and a cat and a dog!) and would also say that DD is a cat and DS a dog!

Love them both to bits but yes, it's a very different bond.

I think their father finds it wiser to parent DD, while I find it easier to parent DS.

I have no way of knowing if this is normal. But I definitely have a different and relationship with both of them.

NahNeedsGarlic · 08/04/2024 21:30

Also, same as @Hoppinggreen , ds and I just ‘get’ each other, and dh and dd ‘get’ each other too. But how much is down to personality rather than sex I don’t know.

Hoppinggreen · 08/04/2024 21:30

NahNeedsGarlic · 08/04/2024 21:26

Behaviourally my daughter is a cat and my son is a dog 😂.
I love them both to bits, btw. But for affection ds wins hands down.
Cat-loving dh would say the opposite!

OOH, never thought about it like that but its very true in our house

BingoMarieHeeler · 08/04/2024 21:32

OP I think if you’d had a boy you’d be able to write the same post about him.

I have 2 boys and a girl and not sure there’s much difference in their obsession with me, they’re all very very bonded to me 😁

Echobelly · 08/04/2024 21:34

Not really much difference, son remained cuddlier for longer but that's just his personality rather than being a boy

BingoMarieHeeler · 08/04/2024 21:35

Wedontopenyet · 08/04/2024 21:18

Have you got a daughter ?

Show quote history

She said ‘he’s our only child’.

wheo · 08/04/2024 21:36

MiddleagedBeachbum · 08/04/2024 18:02

I only have a son, he’s 20 and some days he tells me multiple times a day he loves me. We’re currently on holiday, he’s such a sweetie, every evening tells me I look beautiful in what I’m wearing, carries tue heavy stuff, offers to run get things etc, I’m so blessed to have him, I find it strange to imagine a daughter but I’m sure we’d be just as close 🥰

Jesus Christ

Wedontopenyet · 08/04/2024 21:36

BingoMarieHeeler · 08/04/2024 21:35

She said ‘he’s our only child’.

Show quote history

Oops yes, comprehension fail.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 08/04/2024 21:37

I have a boy and a girl, both teens. We all get on brilliantly. I love them both equally. None of us are emotional, heart-on-sleeve type people- we don't have deep psychic bonds or go around saying we love each other all the time! We just have a great relationship.

StasisMom · 08/04/2024 21:41

OP - "Thanks for sharing… Do you think boys are more emotionally needed and that is why some mothers say they have a ‘special’ bond compared to their girls? As in they enjoy the dependence slightly? X"

I think of my daughter as being very independent whereas yes, I probably do see my son as being a little more needy. I also think a lot about boys expressing emotions, and how they should get the chance to do so, but then not too much. I notice out of his friends that some are more cosseted and some are more encouraged to be manly from the off. His dad went to boarding school and doesn't know what emotions even are, so that plays on my mind! Still don't think I'm answering clearly!

I know I'm very lucky to have two healthy and happy children, and I'm immensely grateful for that.

Bbq1 · 08/04/2024 21:43

Wedontopenyet · 08/04/2024 21:18

Have you got a daughter ?

Show quote history

No, i said in my reply he's an only. Partly for circumstances beyond our control. I have nieces and nephews and mixed sex siblings though.
. Why do you ask? From my experience, most if the boys have been far more affectionate and close than the girls. Op asked if you could have a close bond with sons, i replied yes. She didn't stipulate that you had to have one of each sex to reply.

Wedontopenyet · 08/04/2024 21:48

Bbq1 · 08/04/2024 21:43

No, i said in my reply he's an only. Partly for circumstances beyond our control. I have nieces and nephews and mixed sex siblings though.
. Why do you ask? From my experience, most if the boys have been far more affectionate and close than the girls. Op asked if you could have a close bond with sons, i replied yes. She didn't stipulate that you had to have one of each sex to reply.

Show quote history

Yes, sorry, someone pointed that out.

The op asked if a mother son bond is more loving /special than what she has with her daughter. You said that you think boys are more affectionate than girls and that lots of girls aren't affectionate at all. I don't really know how anyone could be certain on boys Vs girls.