Cutting snacks

[Fedupwithfeeding]

I'm thoroughly fed up with mealtimes and my nearly 3 year old. He has never been a great eater but we're in a phase right now of it being really shit. I know the advice is not to cajole them into eating and to just serve it up and let them decide what or how much to eat but it's starting to really upset me seeing food going in the bin all the time.

I'm thinking of cutting snacks and wondered if anyone has had such is done this and seen positive effects?

Example from today was I picked him up from nursery at 3 o'clock and gave him a snack which I always do to tide him over til dinner time. Its usually something like a yoghurt pouch, banana, cheese, some crackers or a healthy flapjack. It just seems a long time to go without until dinner at 5 when we all eat together. Dinner time rolls around and we all have sausages, egg, beans and a few French fries. He ate about 6 French fries and nothing, I mean nothing else.

So I'm thinking I'm totally sick of scraping his dinner in the bin and I should drop the snack at pick up and give him his dinner as soon as we get home. But that means we don't all eat together. Who knows if it will even make a difference anyway. I could honestly cry sometimes and it's hard work trying to seem unbothered on the outside.

He's happy, healthy, his weight is fine. So I know it's ridiculous to be so upset but it does get to me that he doesn't even try. (I never ask him to try or say things like "just one bite of this")

I didn’t think you were feeding him mars bars but it does sound like he can pretty much eat food whenever he wants it which will be a bit of a shock for him when school starts. Why don’t you try doing proper snack time and meal time on days you’re out with him instead of the grazing?

I agree though in the afternoon just give him dinner at 4-4.30. You’ll have to be careful though that he doesn’t then refuse that but start saying he’s hungry before bedtime. It might be a bit confusing that during the day he can have food whenever he’s hungry but at the evening he’s expected to eat a proper meal and if he doesn’t he can’t start asking for snacks just before bed.

Sorry the point I’m trying to make is that the way he is used to eating during the day with you might be part of the reason that he eats that way in the evenings. Moving the evening meal might make him eat better but he may also just expect to be able to have a little bit and then refuse the rest and then ask for a snack before bed even though you’ve just chucked half his dinner away. He doesn’t have set meal times during the day so he doesn’t expect to have them in the evenings either maybe.

Why don’t you give him the hot meal when he’s hungry after nursery, then he can sit and eat the snack with you at 5 and you won’t worry if he’s not hungry?

I see your point. I suppose I haven't worried about that aspect. I eat when I'm hungry too.

3 days a week he's in nursery so breakfast, snack and lunch are at the exact same time on these days. Then dinner at 5 which is what has started to become really tricky and I probably need to bring earlier.

We mostly spend our other days out with picnic food and eat when we're hungry. But we do also have days where we come home for lunch which is always between 12 and 1 (depending on when he woke that day), and if we go to a cafe for soup or something like that then that is also between 12 and 1. Breakfast is also always at the same time.

There is certainly routine there and he knows how to wait for food and doesn't throw a fit if he's told we're not having a snack because we're going to have lunch soon. He doesn't tantrum, he just asks for food when he's hungry.

My problem has been the evening meals on nursery days and it's my own habit of giving him a snack. He's genuinely ravenous after nursery and it was to tide him over til dinner. But I do think PPs are right that it doesn't matter if he has dinner at 4 or even before 4. I just got hung up on eating together as a family. It's nice in theory but it's not nice when there's the stress of him not eating it.

I'm happy to give him dinner as soon as we're home from nursery and then a healthy supper if he wants something else before bed.

Yes, I'm definitely going to try this. I've got stuck in the mindset of us all sitting to eat dinner together.

I would move the meal forward to replace the after nursery snack. If he was excited about dinner, then didn't eat it, he might just have only fancied the chips from the food presented. At that age it can help to think of food intake over the week, as they can be hit and miss eating. Mine often only wanted something like wheetabix and a piece of fruit for dinner after a long day. A meal was too much effort to consume.

My toddler is similar and this has really helped to encourage her to eat more. I sometimes do it with the morning snack too.

If he's going to bed at 6.30 that's absolutely fine.

Sounds like he is hungrier in the mornings. This may sound wierd... but give him his main meal then. Then porridge for supper instead.

My 3 yo refuses to eat anything other than what he’s hungry for. I’ve been guilty of trying to persuade him to eat things even though I KNOW not to, it’s soul destroying when they want to live on crap.

However, I often don’t even try for a full meal after nursery. I take him a snack on pick up and if he’s still hungry he either gets a bit of what we’re having or some cereal. He’s had 3 full meals and snacks at nursery, he doesn’t want another meal when he gets home.

Sounds like he's filling up on breakfasts and lunch/snacks so doesn't need much else. I know you say the snacks are healthy peanut butter sandwiches/cheese/bananas yoghurt etc but surely he doesn't need these plus lunch? Or are they lunch but spread out? I'd stop calling them snacks and say the sandwich/crackers is lunch whether he has it at 11 or 1 and then he has the cheese/banana, yoghurt or flapjack after the sandwich. So on your days out you stop and sit on a bench or whatever and eat it all as lunch.

Then that is it, no more constant grazing of these as if I had a sandwich or even a banana at 2 I'm not going to eat a dinner at 4.30/5. Make sure the lunch/grazing stops by 1.30 and then no snack after nursery and do his dinner at 4. Hopefully it will help but if he's used to constant grazing it might take a while for new routine. Maybe do dinners he definitely likes for the first few weeks at 4 as he should be hungry from not grazing and more likely to eat what he really likes.

Yes, I did this with my 2 years old. She became so snack obsessed, stopped eating lunch and dinner.

She still gets snacks, but only after she eats her lunch and dinner. Instead of giving her a yoghurt or a fruit to snack on between meals, I give it to her after lunch as a dessert.

I don't push lunch or dinner. Give it to her, if she eats it or at least some of it, she gets snacks, if she doesn't, no snack.

I started this 3 weeks ago, and since she eats most of her lunch and dinner. She's actually excited now and very proud when she's finishes it. I'm not sure how long it will work, but cutting back on snacks was definitely a right decision.

@Aria20

So on your days out you stop and sit on a bench or whatever and eat it all as lunch.

I do get what you're saying but he's only a little guy, and other than a big breakfast, he seems to like to eat small amounts often. I don't think it's fair to make him eat it all in one go or not at all. I wouldn't appreciate if someone told me I had a set window to eat a set amount of food and that was that.

I don't have a problem with a grazing lunch when we're out thats spread over the day. He's on the go the whole time, he's happy, and he's eating when he's hungry. When we do eat at home he's stops and sits at the table with me to have soup. It's really just the snack to tide until dinner that I want to change. I'm going to cut that snack and give him dinner earlier. He can always have something else before bed if he wants.

Just an update that cutting the snack made the world of difference. I feel daft getting stuck in a rut of trying to keep him going until 5 to eat with us. All your advice helped me realise it didn't matter.

Today he was at the table before 4 and ate 3 fish fingers, a whole piece of corn on the cob, peas and a Greek yoghurt. A huge amount I never see him eat at dinner!

Feel totally daft 🤦🏼‍♀️ but really pleased to have cracked it.

That’s good news! I was just about to post about an earlier mealtime. At nursery, ours has their main meal around 1500. They have breakfast at 0830 and lunch at 1130. We then just give them a snack when they get in. There is no way I would be able to eat at 1800, we eat later at 2100.

We tend to carry this on at the weekend, we are usually out and all have a late lunch around 1500 all together. The toddler has a snack when we get in and goes to bed around 1930, and we have something light around 2100.