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2yo behaviour

24 replies

Mummayz · 07/04/2024 12:58

Just wanted somewhere to ask really. We don’t have kids in the family so not been surrounded by kids or know what’s normal what’s not

i am constantly worried if he’s happy. Were in the midst of tantrums meltdowns, he is a tiny bit behind on speech so can’t fully tell us what he wants

sometimes he just says no clings to us wants carrying. we’ve tried clubs and he just runs and does his own thing he won’t sit and do the stuff with other kids. We’ve been to the odd party and again just goes and does his own thing doesn’t join in but then results in a meltdown if we try to get him to

Nursery said he does participate and loves it. They do yoga etc and he always loves it they tell us

I would be majorly concerned if nursery said he didn’t enjoy participating etc but he does there

Also feel like he is a bit of an observer and I don’t know if that’s because he only sees nursery kids and no others. So at soft plays playgrounds he watches the kids, then will go on stuff on and off. The times we’ve took him to soft play and he’s not liked it have been quiet when no one was there I noticed. But when it’s busy he can see what other kids do and join in

i might ask my Hv but I don’t know is this just what 2 yo are like ? Haha. We went the park earlier and he was hungry and been up since 5.30 so like seemed a bit clingy and slow, had a meltdown when we left the cafe and then was happy when we went to his aunties house running around.

I panicked that he didn’t like the park or outdoors but we just went at the wrong time?

I just want him to enjoy things and be happy

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Mummayz · 07/04/2024 12:59

He’s 27mo so nearly 2.5

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Mummayz · 07/04/2024 13:42

bumping

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Maaofatoddler · 07/04/2024 16:09

Hi OP, don't fret. This stage is more about exploring and finding boundaries. If you set firm boundaries then you'll be more in charge. Your DC is probably pushing them by way of his meltdown. Is he hungry/ tired during those meltdowns? If so , you could see what led to those. They don't do organised play at that age. My 3 YO still doesn't do that. BUT, they listen to outsiders more than they listen to their parents. So probably why they do some activities at their nursery but not listen to you. It'll get better. X

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Katherina198819 · 07/04/2024 17:20

I think it's normal for that age not to play with "strange" children.
My daughter is also an observer who loves nursery and enjoys the group activities. But if we go to playgroup or we are with other children, she is just doing her own thing - just like others at this age, I think.
We had a second birthday party for her with 10 other children between 2 and 3, and no one was playing with each other 😂

What works for my daughter is to not to remove her from places and activities straight away, but keep telling her : you have 10 minutes left to play, and we are leaving...say it again in 5 minutes again at 2 and 1. It's not like she understands the concept of time, but she hates being told she needs to go now. At the bath, we have a little timer for her, which counts down after 2 minutes- so she won't have a meltdown when we get her out.

Mummayz · 08/04/2024 04:44

Thanks for the tips :)

I just worried that he doesn’t join in but like we say if he does at nursery obviously it’s just other places he may nkt

like we tried a class for example of a weekend, for 10 mins has a little go then just is bored walking around and starts asking to leave , my DH took him this week and said other kids were doing the activities etc

But he is only under 2.5 years old. Maybe the nursery through the week is enough structure for him and he wants to be a bit more free of a weekend not another structured class

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Mummayz · 08/04/2024 06:21

And he doesn’t seem too fussed on soft play! Which worried me he just walks around goes on bits but I looked in the under 3 area and the kids who seemed his age generally ambled about unless they had older kids with them and they’d follow them

is this normal

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Welshfiver · 08/04/2024 06:27

I think it sounds normal. My 2.5 year old just enjoys free play so I tend to go to parks or playgroups that just have a load of toys out. Role play cafes are good too as lots to get hold of. I think soft plays are better for slightly older kids.

WhatWouldYouDo33 · 08/04/2024 06:30

My 2.5 year old is very similar, my older DC was similar at this age too (observing not immediately joining in, overwhelmed by big settings like soft plays and playing happily at home and at nursery) I think they are both “normal”
My DS didn’t speak much until 2-3 months ago and suddenly made tons of progress.

Heybearu · 08/04/2024 07:33

My middle one was like this, at 4 she became a social butterfly but until then wanted to be held lots, stayed on the peripheries at play groups and was happiest to play at home just with me or her sister. I know what you mean about wa.ting them to be happy. This part of their lives tends to be very strong emotions and it's just part of development. Lots of support to co regulate then helps them build the patterns they need to be able to regulate in the future.

For playing ideas have you seen the five minute mum books? She has some great quick ideas.

Mummayz · 08/04/2024 07:40

Ah thanks again :)

hes happy to be out but like unstructured places - parks, zoos, farms - even coming to the shop with me!

i know soft play is unstructured , he doesn’t hate it, its like he just doesn’t seem to know what to do there bless him :( when he sees other kids he’ll mimic them but then back off if they get closer

he’s so good at independent play at home and even at other houses and he’ll use household objects sometimes to play like pots pans etc. he is fantastic at play but of course he goes to nursery and I had a baby not long ago so I think that had helped him play more independent as I couldn’t play constantly!

my DH was silly comparing him at the class saying he wouldn’t follow instruction and do the stuff like other kids but that must just be him right now :) he just prefers free play stuff when he’s not in nursery

did your little one’s speech improving help this? @WhatWouldYouDo33
im thinking it’ll be easier when he can say more too

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Mummayz · 08/04/2024 07:41

I just got stupidly worried that he just wants to sit in playing with his cars (his favourite) but he loves going to nursery. Loves going out in our car and just likes to be out and about (not so much when hungry/tired of course ) I try to get out as much as I can

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BarnacleBeasley · 08/04/2024 08:47

It sounds totally normal to me. My child is a couple of months off three and we've only recently noticed a big change in the way he interacts with his friends (actual conversations and cooperative play on play dates etc). Mine also isn't really a joiner in at nursery, but I see in his room (age 2-3) that many of the children will do the organised activities, just like your DS. Then I see those same children at third birthday parties and the ones under 2.5 are not interacting with each other (though they may be having a nice time) while the ones nearer 3 are.

WhatWouldYouDo33 · 08/04/2024 12:56

@Mummayz mine hates organised classes and doesn’t join in at all. Only difference is swimming but I am in the water with him. I am not worried about classes, he will be fine plus he also likes his childminder and plays nicely there.
his language has come on lots, no idea why suddenly. It helps so much, we understand what the problem is (wrong colour spoon etc) but he is still easily overwhelmed when tired.

i think both my DC are very similar, my older one was like this too and often overwhelmed at softplay and classes and didn’t want to join/needed time to observe. Just how they are, don’t see anything wrong with it.

WhatWouldYouDo33 · 08/04/2024 12:56

duplicate post by error

WhatWouldYouDo33 · 08/04/2024 12:56

anothet duplicate sorry

SmallIslander · 08/04/2024 14:16

Sounds normal to me. Most two year olds play along side other kids, not with them.

I notice that mine cling when in unfamiliar situations, when there's loads of people, when they are ill or tired or just not wanting to do whatever it is that they are being forced into doing.

If he has a new sibling and spends time away from you at nursery I would sack off the structured groups and just spend as much time with him as you can at the weekend to reconnect. Talk to him, read to him, do puzzles, get the musical instruments or the cars out. Make a fuss of him. He probably just wants more time with his mum and dad than he does with a load of strange kids and adults. He is so so young, don't put too much pressure on him.

Mummayz · 08/04/2024 19:46

I am too worried if he’ll enjoy things and if he doesn’t want to do something or is stand offish I panic he’s not happy and I’ve made him that way

and that he won’t want to do typical kid stuff

growing up my Nan cared for us a lot which saved my parents childcare. She was older so we just literally watched tv all day , the occasional outing to the local shops.

j was such a couch potato as a child and I get why because I didn’t really do anything , I don’t want DS being like I was so I just constantly try to do something so that he doesn’t want to just sit in all day

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SmallIslander · 08/04/2024 20:47

Let me tell you about my eldest when he was 2. He was a good talker, so we didn't suffer too much with tantrums, and I do think that makes a bit difference.

He was however, painfully shy and clingy. He never wanted to play with other kids, he just watched them and maybe copied what they had been doing when the coast was clear.

Since he was born we went to various activities. I was also a child who never did anything and didn't want the same for him. I also found it easier to be out of the house for a good portion of the day.

Wherever we went he was basically mute. He looked away and buried his head in me if someone spoke to him. If we went to playgroup he liked the free play but didn't like doing songs at the end. Was too scared to pick up an instrument from the basket. Never sang, clapped, danced, while all the other kids were having a ball.

At home or the park, in the woods he was as happy as Larry. Chatty and laughing. Unless a neighbour tried to speak to him, then his head was buried. I was a bit worried to be honest, but obviously he was still very young and some people are just shy I guess. He was fine with people he knew very well and in smaller groups. Often when we were out in an unfamiliar place it was too overwhelming and he wanted to be carried. A safety/comfort thing.

Then lock down struck. He was 2.5. All the parks closed, soft play, cafes, everything, as you know. No play groups, no swimming, nothing. One walk a day and crucial car journeys only.

We had to spend our time just playing, just the two of us. We played with water and sand in the garden, we planted things, fed the birds. We read and read and read. Talked and talked. Did puzzles, played imagination games like cafes and shops, built train tracks, made ramps, sang songs. Had horsey rides and tickles and bouncing on the bed. We would walk through the fields and down to the canal. Throw sticks in, look for ladybirds, collect buckets of stones and leaves, press flowers. Come home and make some food and do the laundry together. Get the hose out and wash the car.

It was a long old slog to be fair! But do you know, he actually thrived. Just slowing down the pace of life, forgetting all those "enriching" groups that I thought were so important, were really not. Quality time spent with his immediate family were what he needed. He started talking to the neighbours first, they were really surprised. Then when we could see friends again he just talked and talked and was happy to play with their kids. He just blossomed in that first year and was like a completely different child. We went back to one of old groups and he loved chewing the ears off the adults there. I started to worry he was too talkative then!

Anyway, the point is, there's something between sitting in front of the tele all day and having every day structured going here there and everywhere. He knows what he likes and what he doesn't like. He might not be able to say the words yet, but he is communicating to you. Listen to him. Dial it back, connect with him, give him all your attention and take him places the two of you can just have a pleasant time together. That's all a 2 year old needs.

Mummayz · 08/04/2024 20:52

@SmallIslander this is so lovely and it’s really stuck with me. If anything like lockdown happened now I would go into a blind panic due to what I said I was worried over

I spend so much time stressing trying to get out the house to make sure he likes it and doesn’t want to sit in that I’m just trying to spend all my time out of the house maybe I just need to sit in a bit more

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SmallIslander · 08/04/2024 21:59

@Mummayz I think getting out is fine, but do something that causes less stress. You said he likes parks, zoos, farms, shops. Spend more time doing that. It sounds nice! I actually think outdoor time is really important to health and sleep, but you can have that in the garden too.

If you think his speech is a bit behind, the best thing for him is to be in places where you can talk to each other. He will get more out of a conversation with you about flowers, trees, birds, vehicles, colours, numbers. Even sitting next to a stream and talking about sticks and stones to throw in, shapes and sizes, watching them splash, sink, float. Oh look there's a train/plane/bus/lorry going by. Yes it's a big/noisy/yellow one!

He will get far more out of that than in some group with a load of random kids, while some terrifying yet well intentioned woman whoops and cheers at him for kicking a ball or whatever.

Get to a library and sit and read together, get him a membership card. (They don't fine kids!) Go there every week and save some money on the pointless classes he isn't enjoying.

Probably the most telling part of what you have said so far is that you have a new baby. Don't underestimate how much the older child can feel pushed out and unsettled. To make them feel happy with the new situation they really do need a lot of quality time with their Mum so they know they are still loved and just as important as the baby. It can be hard to get the balance right, it's a big step up from 1 child to 2!

Elisabeth3468 · 08/04/2024 22:17

I think he sounds very normal to me. My son also 27 months and at the stay and plays I take him to he runs around and doesn't like to join in the singing at the end.
But then in soft plays he tries to make friends with the older kids and runs around with them. All depends on his mood!!!
And the meltdowns aren't too bad with him but he does have them especially if he's tired and we aren't following what he wants to do.

SmallIslander · 08/04/2024 22:24

Came back to add something. The tantrums when leaving a place or changing activities or whatever. They call that sort of thing a transition and toddlers are known to really struggle with it. They like what they are doing and they don't want to be pulled away to do something else. If you Google "toddler transition tantrum" you will get loads of hits and tips.

I try to prepare mine as best I can by giving them notice of what is going to happen. "In a minute we are going to leave and go to Aunty's house". Maybe even say "Do you want to finish that sandwich/go on the slide one more time before we go?". Then when it's time to leave, remind them of where we are going and tell them a nice thing about what we will do when we get there like "Come on let's get going and you can play with those cars you like at Aunty's house when we get there".

It may or may not work at any given time but as they get older it gets easier!

Mummayz · 08/04/2024 22:35

Thanks so much everyone :) the transition tantrums make so much sense! Sometimes we get somewhere and he says no and get A a bit annoyed and aligns with transition tantrums!! Which I didn’t know about , I’d just panic n he’s getting bored of the place we go to

He loves transport and as we walk a bit he’s quite good near roads so luckily we can go walking along high street and spot transport and say their colours

he’s good with words he’ll say 1 word just started with 2 together (for example mama car when I drive him somewhere) but I think his frustration is him not being able to say a lot

And we notice his tantrums are around food too. He has a fantastic appetite which is great but means we have to ensure he eats the right things and not just say yes to every biscuit! So think he’s trying to test boundaries there when he asks a bit and we say no

And he’s the best big bro ever so far! Nothing but loving to our new baby his little sibling but I think because I just see him get on with it and love her I didnt think how he is right now may be because of his feelings about his life change etc

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SmallIslander · 08/04/2024 22:46

He sounds very normal compared to my experience. When they are babies, they know if they have a need, they cry and Mummy fixes it. Then toddlerhood begins and there aren't just needs, there are wants, like that 3rd biscuit. They have a "cry" but it's not like the cry of a baby that is hungry, its the cry of a toddler saying, "Oh but those biscuits are ace, and I really, really want to eat far more than is actually good for me". Just hold your ground and distract them onto something else "I know you really want one, but eating too many biscuits isn't good for us, so you can't have another. Oh look, your scooter is still in the garden, do you want a go on that?".

I mean if you are worried, there's no harm in talking to the HV. They are there to advise on these matters. Whatever they think, you still have to parent the child you have and not the child you think they ought to be. Good luck with it!

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