5yr old bedtime

[Hereforadvice2]

I’ll keep as brief as possible but feel like at wits end recently! 5yo generally good sleeper. We’ve been through every stage of sleep with him from he has been in his own room, all standard milestones. In his own room from 6mo, moved into bigger room at 2yo then a full single bed at 4. Have ALWAYS remained in the room until he falls asleep. Every single night he has at some stage came into our bedroom and joined us. Several factors recently however, have made it increasingly frustrating and me and DH are just fed up.

1. in the last few weeks he has started to wake as we have left the room. It resets entire bedtime, followed by us being frustrated, him nonplussed and basically we continue the cycle till he falls asleep.
2. he also now is joining us in our bed earlier. It used to be random and in the dead of night but now it seems earlier and earlier, like anything from us going to bed till 1am ish.
3. his joining us in the bed is just constant broken sleep for either or both of us. Our bed is also f’ed (sorry for the language lol) as it’s now sloped both sides. My husband is also fed up constantly sleeping on his side and I don’t blame him.

does anyone have any similar stories or practical advice? Maybe I just need to vent. Im
at a frustrated stage where I thought things would become easier and …. It’s just not. We are fed up. I firmly believe he needs to be asleep by 8:30pm absolute latest but ideally between 7:30-8:00 for his age and development. No other specific high needs by the way- he is very bright and capable, speech developed incredibly early, toilet training no issues etc. he goes to primary school and no issues, always picked up be either me or mum and no longer in private after school care. In fact I’d go as far to say he now spends more time with us than he previously did when in daycare. he has a gentle nightlight, he knows his little brother is in the next room and we are next room up- house is not big. Also have consistently good bedtime routine ie dinner time followed by bath half the week and we have always read around 3 stories to him. He also has a comforter. A great example was last night where I observed he had no screen time in hours, didn’t eat much dinner then no yoghurt/sugar wasn’t a factor. And still, he wasn’t asleep until after 9pm despite the entire routine beginning from 6:40pm onwards. Again it is the time & effort that goes into it all.
Genuinely think he is incredibly attached to us, but despite that tugging on the heartstrings we are still fed up!

It’s light nights now. Every kid in the country is out of their routine.

As for climbing in with you, if you look at it through his eyes, he sees that Mummy & Daddy get to cuddle each other all night while he’s all by himself.

Thanks @PotatoPudding . We’ve already got the blackout blind up and this has been happening beyond the brighter nights. You are right though, in that there has been a noted increase in noise over the last few nights which is another thing we will now have to contend with! Totally agree & see it through his eyes but what is this nonsense everyone has sold me that things get easier- it certainly doesn’t seem
to be 😂 feel like we are taking 10 steps back rather than more towards independence as such and this is the main crux of my concern. I’ve ridden the bandwagon for long enough that is essentially lead by their needs / co sleep so long as it benefits them etc but recently it’s started to feel untenable!

I'd try and push bedtime back a little. Might just be needing less sleep now he's a bit older?

Thanks @Lammveg i definitely feel he needs the sleep but I’m going to look into this more. A few weeks ago there was a whole week of him going asleep 9pm + and one night after 10 and I just don’t accept him going asleep that late ⏰ in line with his age. He had shadows under his eyes & it was v obvious he hadn’t slept enough. the added light element of joining us means as soon as either of us wakes/ rises that’s pretty much him awake too.

it’s a bit difficult practically to extend his bedtime with my 3yo in the mix even when me and DH both tackle bedtime (1 kid each per night). Thanks for replying 🙂

Aiming for him to be asleep between 8 and 8.30pm does sound appropriate for his age, but every child is different. Perhaps you don't need to start the bedtime routine so early at 6.40 now that he is 5?

Does he seem tired when you are trying to get hum to sleep? My son has a similar bedtime, we aim for him to be asleep between 8 and 8:30, he's just about to turn 5.

I also think 6.40 could be a little early, as he may have a big too much energy left. DS is coming up 6 but for the last 2 year at least, it’s been upstairs at 7pm, asleep for 8-8.30pm.

Some thoughts:

-I have a deal with my 5 year old that I'll stay with her for 20 minutes at bedtime (timed by the nightlight), if she's asleep then great, if not I say goodnight and leave her to fall asleep in her own time. At 5 I don't think you need to rigidly stay with him. He should be able to understand that you have chores to do downstairs.

-mine joins me in bed most nights, again though if it's too early I say so and tell her she must go back to her own bed for a bit - she's okay with this now but at one point I nearly bought one of those clocks that turns green when they're allowed to get up - you could try this.

-falling asleep before 830pm is reasonable & the same as my 5 year old, but I don't start her routine until 30 mins before lights out, I wonder if you're almost building up to bed time too much? Letting him read most of his books downstairs then a shorter routine of pyjamas on, one book then goodnight & see you in the morning might work better?

My 5 year old DC tends to go to sleep at around 8:30 but I feel this is way too late and 7:30ish would be much better. We don’t get home From work/school club until 6pm so I find it really difficult to get them into bed any earlier.