How to deal with dad/partner that wants to sleep the weekend away?

[Llewellyn1]

We have a 2 year old and a 6 week old. Through the week I am pretty much up all night and day. I have never asked partner once to get up with the kids because I don't trust him to not fall asleep with the baby. Come the weekend I give him the kids in the morning and go back to sleep for a couple of hours.

Often I wake back up to find he has went right back to sleep with the kids (sorts baby if needed but not toddler). So he is getting a full night sleep then more hours until the afternoon. I'll be up for a couple hours and he then decides he wants an afternoon nap. He is literally getting enough sleep for the both of us. He constantly tells me how exhausted he is as soon as I go to suggest doing literally anything. I cannot help but be bitter. I am literally alleviating him of the nightshift and up all night between an unwell newborn and toddler then up all day and I have to hear how tired he is.

I heard him tell someone recently our baby is great and in the same position come morning as he went to bed at night. I don't think he even believes I am up all night with the kids. Thinks he should get even more sleep seeing I am getting a 'long lie' in the morning and will get him out of doing anything.

I'm anxious taking the 2 kids out together alone at the moment but would love to actually be getting out the house as a family at the weekend. But instead I've got to watch my partner sleep the weekend away and his sluggish demeanour depletes any motivation I even have.

More of a rant really but I am BORED, tired and very much under appreciated as of late.

He sounds like his health isn’t that great to be honest. He probably is exhausted. It’s not fair, but you might have to find a work around like getting some extra help so you can both rest

Has he been to the doctors? This simply isn't normal at all.

If you're in the fourth trimester he should be running around after you so you get all the rest and support you need. He sounds very selfish. Even if unwell he should be doing all he can to explore and resolve the issue, not just play up to being too tired to engage in family life.

He's taking the piss!!

If he has health issues, he needs to get to the doctors.

OP, what are you getting out of this relationship? From the small snapshot you've given, it sounds like you would be better off on your own.

You need to talk to him about this. I agree he needs to see a GP. Unless he is hanging, or smoking weed, in which case he needs to stop that so he has enough energy to parent PROPERLY! You would know the best way to bring the subject up; usually best done in a 'Darling, I'm really worried you're not ok' rather than 'you never seem to do anything but sleep lately' way, of course. Hope you can get more rest soon; you must be exhausted. Take care.

I'm not convinced it's a health issue. He does go to sleep late (by choice). When he is engaged with the kids he is great but this has been the case for the last month at least at the weekend and been an intermittent issue in the past.

I feel like it very much has to do with avoiding me at the moment, our relationship hasn't been great since about 2 weeks after our son was born. I feel like a constant nag and every part of home life must be delegated and then repeated. I'm probably not easy to be around a lot at the moment but I can't even communicate any issues as he perceives everything as an argument so I'm feeling very stuck!

He's falling asleep while in charge of a toddler and a baby? Eh?

So what is the toddler doing while he's asleep? Where's the baby in all of this?

I feel like it very much has to do with avoiding me at the moment, our relationship hasn't been great since about 2 weeks after our son was born.

What was the trigger for that? You asking him to help? Him wanting sex & you weren't keen?

I don't think he's unwell. He's just behaving like lots of men seem to when children are tiny. A lot of men can't cope with not being the star attraction & being asked to give up their free time.

Do you have anyone else who can help? Maybe ask grandparents to take toddler out to do some fun stuff? Can you afford childminder for a couple of days?

I also wouldn't trust him with the baby.

So you can't leave the baby with him because he will probably fall asleep? He sleeps all the time and doesn't believe you are up with the baby? He is napping on the afternoon instead of letting you nap? UNACCEPTABLE!

It looks like you have 3 children rather than 2 and a partner who you work as a team.

I definitely won't put up with this! Tell him he either put himself together or he needs to go and get a second job and pay for help for you!(cleaner, nanny, whatever you need).

What a deadbeat. I would sooner ask him to leave than put up with that crap.