3 year old delayed development 18-24 months

[Definitelysure]

Dd is 3 yr 9 m and developmentally the HV has placed her at around 18-24 months.

Dd refers to herself in third person . She has extreme tantrums , she has a lot of vocabulary but doesn’t use it unless listing things. She has only just started asking a question occasionally. She won’t ask us for anything she needs she will say a phrase to us for us to repeat back to her eg ‘which cookie do you want a brown one’ which means she wants a chocolate cookie . She taps us then says it then taps our mouths to indicate we need to ask her what she has just said. It’s all a bit back to front if that makes sense eg she will do that and say ‘park which slide the red one’ meaning she wants to go to the park and on the red slide.

We’ve been waiting for speech therapy for 7 months after her initial assessment where she couldn’t follow any instructions at all and wouldn’t engage with the therapist but the wait times so long.

The HV said she’s making some progress so that’s good but I feel she’s very behind . No conversational language at all. She has a diagnosis of ASD but that was private and there’s no service or follow up private or nhs anyway. Is this just ‘normal’ for autistic children will she catch up ?

You might be better asking in the SN Children section @Definitelysure

Pronoun reversal, immediate echoing, delayed echoing and using a part of a caregiver's body to request what she wants all feature in the diagnostic assessment for ASD, so by that yardstick, yes, that's normal for autism. That isn't to say that all autistic people will show those features of autistic communication. In terms of whether she will catch up, unfortunately no one can tell you as the spectrum is so wide. I would be tempted to look at other areas of her cognitive development to set my expectations. For instance, does she complete puzzles, solve problems etc (thinking of tests of intelligence that don't rely on social communication and interaction). HV is right that the fact she continues to progress is a good sign.

I’m just wondering if she will always be delayed by the standard set by developmental checks or if with therapy she will catch up, but accessing therapy is so difficult I think I’ll have to find a private SALT and OT or too much time will be lost ?
She is definitely making progress but her way of communicating is sometimes very complex it’s like deciphering a riddle with the way she words things and if you don’t catch it quickly she descends into a meltdown through frustration. I think the picture communications may help her but I’m unsure how to do that myself so I think I need SALT for her asap

Yes she is actually really good at puzzles , she has good number and letter recognition will list off things and is actually in some areas I would say ahead but developmentally by the tests the HV does very behind and behind physically too but she has no physical issues it’s psychological (eg won’t walk but can walk, won’t kick a ball won’t ride a bike/trike as scared of the pedals )

If you can afford to, I would get support privately, yes. Have you contacted the charity ICan? You can speak to a SALT over the phone for free who could give you some ideas of how to support her whilst you're waiting.