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How to ignore comparison?

7 replies

Louiserk · 05/04/2024 12:12

DS is 27mo and has a cousin 2.5 months younger than him on dads side

and it feels like DH’s family constantly compare the 2 and it irritates me to no end!
kids are all so different and do different things at different times

so I don’t get why they do it

But then the way they say things makes me beat myself up like I’m doing something wrong

for example, DS got a scooter for 2nd birthday and has been on it a little bit. Hes mastered it once but then now is back to standing on it both feet. So we’re still learning there! He will hop on and off his balance bike

but he’s also had balance issues and been referred to Physio due to his balance and sometimes walking with feet turned in
he didn’t pull to stand/stand until 1 and walked shortly after , was slow climbing. So motor skill wise he may be a bit behind

his cousin rides his scooter a bit more confidently. He also has 2 older siblings (9 and 5) so I feel this influences a child a lot

my DS is the eldest out of our kids (we have a younger DS 6 week old) and doesn’t interact with any older kids, there’s none on my side of family and we don’t see DH’s family much. He goes to nursery but is in the room with kids of similar ages of course

how do I / we ignore the comparison? Its with everything even down to once our son had a top and they’re like “Oh xyz has that too” like yep both in the same size and of same age and it was from Asda 😂 so millions of boys have it. But it feels like everything, and maybe DH’s side feel like it’s the same regarding their kid, compared to ours a lot

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Sparkle88K · 05/04/2024 12:32

I can relate to this! my brother & girlfriend has their daughter the day before my son was born. Both babies are first grandchildren on my mum & dad's side & they constantly compare the two of them.
I'm not close with my brother or his girlfriend so we hardly ever see or speak to each other, we are just very different people & don't have much in common & that's just the way it is. No bad feelings or falling outs, we are just civil.
I hate the constant comparisons, I've started weaning my boy & all hear about from my mum is how their daughter is weaning... I feel like our first little milestones are all compared & nothing is special. I bet they probably feel the same way too.
I've asked my parents so many times to stop it, but I honestly dont think they realise half the time, I'm trying to respond each time saying "oh that's nice" & let it go over my head.
It's hard when you've not had the best day & you hear how great they are doing, makes you feel like crap!

Louiserk · 05/04/2024 12:50

Okay thank you!!! It’s so hard and what you said about milestones is exactly right. Early on like I said my son was a bit behind on movement but he was a chunky baby too etc

the size comparison sickened me as they called my son massive , humongous etc

but DS’ cousin started crawling just before he did and he was younger so they went on about that. But DS walked quicker than his cousin, so I assume they mentioned that to them

its so annoying because all kids are so different. I realise this more and more with my 6 week old. And it’s sad I have looked forward to having a baby with no one to compare to because there’s no babies his age in the family. And it’s sad I think that the sad I felt the joy of DS wasn’t fully there with DH’s family because all they did was compare

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Louiserk · 05/04/2024 13:02

@Sparkle88K

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Sparkle88K · 05/04/2024 15:16

I Think all we can do is focus on our own little families & try not to let it take the shine off our own special moments.
Being a parent is challenging enough without having to deal with constant comparisons in the family xx

Mohammammy · 05/04/2024 16:02

No worries! In the future, those comparisons won't only irritate you, but your child will jump on board with you.
My aunt always compares me to her daughter, and it's so annoying. Besides, her daughter is unemployed and always asks to lend her money to do her nails and hair. Still, I'm the bad one.

Louiserk · 05/04/2024 19:33

@Mohammammy wow that’s so silly! And irritating. Goodness why are people like this🤦🏼‍♀️

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Louiserk · 05/04/2024 19:35

@Sparkle88K such a lovely and valid point. It is and comparison really does just consume you sometimes especially milestone wise !

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