hello wise mumsnetters! I'm after some advice/reassurance/ sisterly solidarity regarding my little boys sometimes complete refusal to be alone.
Tldnr: should I pander to or be strict with a refusal to be left alone at home.
Long version;
Out of the home he is confident - for example take him to a soft play or park and he will run off exploring without a second thought (whilst also being able to come back to us intermittently).
He's always been a good sleeper and sleeps in his own room no issues. He won't come out of his bed overnight and will call me instead if he needs me but I think that's fair enough in the dark (though he does have a night light).
He's quite content being in the bath whilst I potter about tidying in other rooms and if he's engrossed in something like a toy or telly etc I can nip upstairs to get dressed etc.
But at other times he just is petrified of being alone - in our house or grandparents houses. We've just had an incident where I was in the kitchen and he needed a wee. Ok, off you go. He had to build himself up to this with cajoling then came back to ask me to turn on the light (pull cord right at the door). So I did this then went to sit on the stairs to wait for him (toilet under the stairs). He needed to see me and got upset, did his wee then came out in a heightened state, called me stupid and kind of lean-pushed me. So no story then which has made him cry and I feel like I've ruined his otherwise lovely day. He's told me to go away but obviously that's not what he actually means
He will follow me from room to room/up the stairs like a little shadow at times (is if he's putting his shoes on ready for school and I have to run up the stairs to grab something, he stops what he's doing and follows; if he's in his room and I pop into the bathroom or the next room he wants to come or stand in the hallway...). He wants someone within sight or in the next room if he goes to the loo.
I'm not sure how much is behavioural but some of is it definitely actual fear/working himself up into a panic and I don't know the best way to approach - do I go with it and risk him not being able to be away, or do I encourage him to things by himself (ie; just wait in your room for 30 seconds whilst I go and get that book or no story) - but then I feel dreadful he gets so scared and feel like I'm punishing something he can't completely control.
He's very articulate but can't explain what it is he finds so scary. In case anyone recalls an old thread I posted about his difficulties in behaviour at school last year - he's absolutely thriving now and the school are thrilled with him. He's made huge progress with emotional intelligence.
Help!