For context, my 4 year old is undiagnosed, very likely autistic with a demand avoidant profile. Since we realised this we have been following the guidelines for parenting a child with autistic Pathological Demand Avoidance. The most relevant aspect for this situation is that we try to pick our battles - we have some non-negotiable boundaries which we uphold firmly with regards to health and safety, but try to keep rules to a minimum and don’t argue over what we are as the ‘small stuff’. His grandparents (who see him every couple of months) question whether he is autistic because he’s very verbal and makes good eye contact, but his school also feel that he’s autistic.
We were at our own house, grandma visiting. Son was jumping on one of those small trampolines for toddlers with a handlebar to hold onto, holding a toy car in his hand (one aspect of his autism is that he likes carrying small objects around all the time). He was holding onto the bar with one hand and holding the car in the other. This isn’t something that personally I felt was very dangerous. Bouncing and holding objects are both things he does to regulate himself and we bought the trampoline for this purpose.
Grandma asked son to stop bouncing with a car in his hand because it’s dangerous. She expected him to put the car down or get off the trampoline. Son said no and started to get anxious/angry. After a short back and forth argument I came into the room and both looked to me to settle the situation, so I became the middle man (although this was fair enough as his parent).
I wasn’t really sure what to do as grandma felt he was being rude by refusing and I should back her up and make him comply. But I didn’t actually agree that what he was doing was dangerous and saw his point.
Wwyd? Back up grandma because she’s the adult and she’d asked him to stop? Or explain that you didn’t agree with the boundary she was trying to set?