Worried about 3 yo

[Toddlerdogmom]

My 3 yo has a lot of speech, never stops talking but it often makes no sense and you can’t have a conversation that makes sense.

I read how to talk so little kids will listen as I feel he rarely listens to me and often ignores me altogether which really annoys me (his hearing is fine) but it the conversations in that book are typical for 3 year olds we have a major problem, is it the book or my ds?

You really can’t get anywhere with the GP. Any intervention will have to be private. He came through his two and a half year check with no concerns but it wasn’t the most thorough process. And no concerns raised at nursery.

That's weird, I typed out a post and can't see it now. Apologies, because this duplicates info from the vanished post.

I am an ed psych in my day job and it sounds like there could be an issue, and you have been concerned enough to start a thread. A call to SALT will cost nothing and they may have some useful advice or resources to share. As you highlight it's not the vocabulary, or speech, it's the communication that sounds potentially a bit awry.

Useful link
https://treasureboxhickling.org/attention-listening-skills-building/

Thanks. I will possibly have to look into some intervention in the near future then. It’s difficult because of course hearing is a biggie but a child who can’t hear well is going to have limited speech and / or speech that is unclear. Ds has a pretty extensive vocab but doesn’t seem to ‘get’ conversational speech. On the other hand no concerns raised at nursery and can’t help but think they must have seen this before and then some.

DS was much the same at 3, the repeating myself used to drive me crazy. Our situation was slightly different as nursery did raise concerns and he works with SALT there once a week. Just to offer some hope he turned 4 in Jan and he’s changed drastically and can hold a proper conversation although still behind his peers. I read something online about modelling language to him instead of trying to get him to say something specific and that really helped. I know it’s not easy and people don’t realise how exhausting and frustrating it can be but he will get there.

We also had exactly the same issue with toileting and we’ve only managed to crack it at the start of this year when DS became impacted and was put on laxatives. I used to sit him on the toilet and as he was on medication he eventually couldn’t hold it. I think he just needed to see for himself that it wasn’t scary to do it on the toilet. Maybe give the ERIC helpline a ring about potty training- they’re incredibly helpful.

With all due respect, maybe you have to consider your reciprocal speech. In your responses here, its almost like you selectively hear/respond. And you describe your son’s issue only in ways that it inconveniences you, eg it’s a pain, it’s frustrating etc. This could also be his experience. You gave the pooing convo as a typical conversation but in that exchange it was you who repeatedly went off course, mentioning birthdays and Elsie’s party, when you could have stuck with paw patrol, an appropriate connection that he had made. 🤷‍♀️

Sorry if I upset you OP, I wasn’t to know you were under ENT and it had been checked so extensively. I was just trying to be helpful because I know several kids who were fine at 2 but then failed hearing checks at 3+ and needed grommets, including my godson and nursery missed it with him too because his speech was excellent and easy to understand, so initially everyone thought it was just bad behaviour/selective hearing, until he failed the chocolate test. There are also things like language processing disorders, but whatever it is I genuinely hope you get to the bottom of it soon, or even better it’s just one of those things that is outgrown soon.

Thanks @InTheRainOnATrain . I really don’t mean to be grumpy but it isn’t related to hearing. It’s selective deafness!

@existentialannie read it again. No I didn’t.

Thanks @Hopingforbetterluck . I guess it’s things like when he’s been hurt and can’t explain what’s happened. It’s a worry.

He also asks me the same question over and over (what’s that … it’s one of daddy’s tools … what’s that … one of daddy’s tools … what’s that … it’s a tool daddy uses …) drives
me bananas.

I know this is only an example, but from your posts it seems like you don’t have much patience with people who don’t get things from your perspective first time. The phrase ‘doesn’t suffer fools gladly’ springs to mind! Maybe simplify a bit. Will he know what a tool is at his age? No point in using the word in several different constructions, if he doesn’t. How about e.g. ‘We use it to fix things’, or even a practical demonstration of what it’s for?

Does he ever show any joint attention (so where you are both playing the same game, both commenting on the same story book etc)?

The description of difficulties with joint attention in this article sound a lot like the things you are saying about your DS.

https://teachmetotalk.com/2017/03/02/joint-attention-toddlers-why-its-important-for-language-development/

@maudelovesharold i am assuming that the poster I was answering isn’t three. I mean, I don’t know what you want me to say. Should I keep endlessly answering the same question on here? And please understand I’m not writing our conversations verbatim.

That’s interesting @WASZPy he doesn’t generally try to show me things etc.

Also, I’m unwell and so are my children. I apologise if I seem impatient. I’m much nicer normally honestly!

The conversation seems normal to me my 4.5 year old does the repeated questions thing and I repeat my self two times max and then say "I've told you twice it's one of daddy's tools "

Try not to worry
If it doesn't change and he is still not connecting with people when he does to school they will start assessing him but in my humble opinion he is a normal ( annoying ) kid

Thanks @pimplebum . This is the constant worry, is it normal, is it normal?

It doesn't sound normal to me. I have a three year old son too and he is capable of holding a conversation (though I will say he definitely ignores me sometimes 😂) so I understand why you'd be worried.

Sounds my little guy, a bit. He talks non-stop, is very articulate. Has a great vocabulary. But he will change the subject, ignore me or talk nonsense if asked t do something he doesn’t want to do. Like go to the bathroom or wash his hands, or get dressed or eat dinner. Seems normal to me! Adults put off doing boring stuff too, this is just a child’s way of dealing with it.

i am assuming that the poster I was answering isn’t three. I mean, I don’t know what you want me to say. Should I keep endlessly answering the same question on here? And please understand I’m not writing our conversations verbatim.

Obviously the poster you were answering isn’t 3, but the poster you were answering didn’t ask you what a particular object was, either, so I made the assumption that the example you gave was of a sample (not verbatim) response to your 3 year old? In your hypothetical responses to a hypothetical repetitive question your child might ask, you used ‘tool’ three times. I’m just suggesting that if your 3 year old doesn’t understand ‘tool’, then repeating ‘tool’ 3 different ways in your ‘explanation’ won’t help his understanding of what an object is.
If you use lots of different ways to explain something, and he still doesn’t take it in, then I can understand you getting frustrated, but that’s not what your example indicated.

@maudelovesharold i do realise what you’re saying but this is the problem with when you give specific examples on here. I mean, ds knew what it was, knows what it’s for, he’s actually pretty nifty with his tools but it’s all just illustrative.

It strikes me as a bit unsual tbh. Is he interested in making mummy happy? Getting praises? How does he respond to praises?

It’s hard to say. He does sometimes seem to like it, other times doesn’t care.

@Toddlerdogmom
The speech/conversation sounds exactly like my 3.5yr old. I raised it with the health visitor and we had an appointment last week where she went through a developmental questionnaire and observed DS. At this point she doesn’t have any concerns (I definitely think he’s behind his peers as my friends younger children hold conversations which my DS can’t but I guess all children develop at different rates!). I’d speak to your health visitor to get a review booked in (he should have had a 3 year development review?)

It does sound a bit concerning.

I'd ask nursery to keep an eye out for this issue specifically and see what they say. It sounds like the sort of issue that could be missed in a group care setting, unless someone was specifically looking out for it/for alert to developmental concerns.

In the meantime, I'd try and focus in on getting him to engage with a conversation and not allow it to deviate too much. For example, with the poo situation, you allowed him to not answer and then went with his change of subject. I would try and stick with the original topic of conversation until he has answered/engaged with it and then move on.

With repeated questioning I will answer twice and then ask them a question.

What's that?
It's Daddy tools.
What's that?
Those are Daddy's tools
What's that?
What do you think they are? (Or if you think language is a problem you can ask something like, 'show me how Daddy uses them?' Or 'Why don't you go and get your tools?').

Thanks. It is hard to know exactly when something is a problem and when it isn’t. It’s unclear because of the nonsense talk exactly how much he does / doesn’t understand. He’s often most articulate when upset or angry strangely enough.

Hi. I know this is an older post now and maybe you’ve got things sorted but if not I just wanted to chime in. I don’t think anyone really understands quite what you mean with the constant talking. It gets excessive but they are not actually being conversational at all. I know this may not be the answer you like but my son is/ was the same way, he was talking so much but couldn’t understand or answer most questions, didn’t follow basic instructions and I could see he was struggling to understand, most of his speech was just repeating things he’d heard(echolalia) and he ended up being diagnosed with autism. He is currently in speech therapy despite talking non stop to work on his expressive and receptive language skills. I hope this helps.