Feeling guilty about how i am towards my dd 2.7 (she's a little live wire!)

[natsnix]

i'm feeling really guilty at the moment. dd1 is 2.7 has speech delay and also dealing with arrival of ds2 10 weeks ago. she has always been tantrum prone and a bit challenging but it seems to be getting worse. i'm feeling guilty because i don't seem to be handling her very well. my patience and tolerance seem to be non existant at the moment. i don't see the point in smacking at the moment. but verbally i'm saying some pretty horrible things e.g. "go away", "look what you're doing to mummy"... & swearing, although not directed at her. i know she is feeling really frustrated with the speech delay, but her understanding is good, and i suspect she is playing up just because she can. i set boundaries and stick with them. we spend the majority of our time together. she starts pre-school end of april. any advice, similiar stories/reassurance would be great.

Cannot offer much advice but will bump for you. My DD was a live wire and I used to find myself saying similar things. Sorry I'm not much help.

Your dd's behaviour will be likely to get worse for a bit with arrival of new baby.

You, I'm guessing are exhausted with new baby and learning to juggle 2.

Cut yourslef a bit of slack, things aren't going to be perfect while you all readjust.

IS there any particular times she plays up/flashpoints for either of you?

What kinda things do you tend to do during the day?

Toddlers really do take it out of you, And yes, it will probably pass as she builds her capabilities to match with her understanding - it is mostly frustration and particularly with not getting their own way.

It is worth thinking about ways that you can stop yourself blurting out the not so nice things. Because the biggest problem is that she can;t understand it for what it is - it all getting on top of you. Instead, there is a risk she could learn that that is how she should deal with situations too - and before you know it she will be shouting and being nasty to you - vicious circle.

Poor you, sounds like you are having a really stressful time of it. Can you get some help from friends or family, to give you a little break to recharge? You've had a busy time of it with the arrival of DS2. Try not to be too hard on yourself, and choose your battles.

Have you tried naughty step? Or star charts? And have you tried ignoring/i.e. you going away instead of telling her to....?

When my DD (3.3) is being really whiney or rude I often warn her, then lift her and take her into another room and tell her to stay there until she is calm. It works sometimes

yes, i'm finding it hard adjusting to life with two (he's a little treasure though, so lucky there). i've made a real effort with her when he sleeps to engage in an activity, reading, painting, play doh, beads, etc etc. its normally worse when she's tired. we dropped her afternoon nap a couple of months before ds2 was born, and i think sometimes she could benefit with a nap in the afternoon, but this would mean she's not tired in the evening and quite likely to resist bedtime and tantrum for a while... also, she;s quite a shy-bod and does not interact with her peers as much as she could, but i put this down to speech delay??

The best thing for me (instead of 'go away' and swearing within their earshot which I havew done too) is distracting myself and them when I feel my temper going. I change rooms, change activities, tickle them - anything really rather than me get cross with a tired dd about something unimportant in the great scheme of things!

Agree with PotPourri about finding other ways of coping without blurting out how you feel. Its not a critism (see my earlier post) but I regret not holding my tongue.

They can be so hard at this age. Love to you hon. Hope you have a calm and peaceful night

I do have to ask (and I promise you I'm not being funny) but why did you choose to have 2 children?

I ask as the mother of a full on ds who doesn't sleep and I have no imaginings that I will ever have any more

stressteddy...always planned to have two..not sure why??? part of the reason being that neither of us are have huge family so thought a sibling would come in handy. must point out that the little iminx is pretty good around her little brother, so have no real concerns there. she just needs extra extra time with a mummy who has the patience to give it to her. have tried leaving the room etc when i feel the red mist approach, but the little minx follows, and quite often hangs of my jeans...!!! i just seem to go to bed feeling so so guilty all the time.

ah guilt - that old emotion that's just made for Mums!!!!
We all have it and you most of the time we shouldn't
Thanks for answering me, I promise you I wasn't being funny just tres curious. I would have loved 2 but having had my ds I now know I never will. Too hard IMO

I find it can help to imagine you are being watched or filmed and this can stop you flying off the handle. It doesn't work for everyone but might help some of the time

Try not to be too hard on yourself. If you stop yourself from reacting just once tomorrow then you have done well. The next day you can do it twice and so on

Good night hon and hope you are ok this weekend

natsnix - I really sympathise with you. DD is also a maniac live-wire and it was grindingly hard work coping with her when DS was born (19 month age gap). I'm afraid I don't have any advice as I just sort of muddled through it myself. Have you seen a thread by 'redmist' re: dealing with the brewing anger? Do a search for it...there are some excellent tips.

In the mean time, try not to be too hard on yourself. It does get better.

cheers princecharming, i'm off to feed little one now, but will have a look at the redmist link tom...its good to hear others have been in same boat.