Daughter is often 'mama-sjuk' (misses her mom all the time)

[Dragstra]

This is something that came up in past half year. She is turning 9 now and me and her mom split 3 years ago now. We split the week as live very close together and worked well. We were pretty relaxed if the one of the kids wanted to stay with me or their mother once in a while. We did separated trips and there was never any issue. Recently she started to say she missed her mom on my nights and we'd have her mom come and get her because she would get really sad. Now it's gotten to the point where she spends time here but sleeps at her mom's. My boy sleeps here half the time and there is no issue with him.
Recently her teacher sent us a message that our daughter is often anxious at school and says she misses her mom. It's so strange. When she was seven we did a 2 week trip to visit my family in Canada and I had to remind her to call her mom. Now, IF she knows she is meant to sleep here she can't go two hours without saying she misses her mom. If she knows her mom is picking her up later she is totally normal.

Sorry, I don't know if this kind of topic is usual here on this forum but I wanted to hear from some other parents before looking into a child psychologist or someting.
I am in Sweden by the way but I preferred to hear from some english speaking parents as it's easier to express myself in English.
thanks and happy easter to everyone.

I don't really have any experience, but could you arrange that for a period of time (several months) she sees you in the daytime and then goes back to her mum at night? Is that practical? I'm generally of the view that pushing these things just makes the feelings more entrenched.

I think you need to be led by what your daughter wants, not what you want. She's only 9, a lot of girls do just need their mum at that age. With the onset of puberty close by too, she may feel more comfortable having her mother close on hand.

I think 50:50 might be quite unsettling for some kids, I know I'd hate living between two places.

Yes DD never liked sleeping at her dads, there's nothing wrong with his and she had her own space and things, but it's just not what she saw as her room, with her things and her normal routine. Children are often more adaptable when little so it's not unusual that she is showing a preference now nor is it unusual to make do for holidays etc.

DDs dad used to bring her home at night around 7pm so she could bath/shower and go to bed then picked her up again at 8:30 am. It meant I never actually had a proper break but it's what DD needed.

When she says she misses her mum it's probably not just mum that she misses but what she sees as her base home.