Know I need to sleep train, but really don’t want to

[ItsMissChanandlerBong]

It’s been another nightmare night of my baby waking repeatedly and me and my husband are exhausted. It’s not even 1am!

Our little boy is 1 and has never been a good sleeper, needs a lot of support to fall asleep and resists it no matter how tired he is. It’s got to the point now where he’ll wake and won’t even be held by us, just tries to sit up constantly.

I feel he needs to learn to self settle. He goes down reasonably well at 7.30pm with cuddles and a bottle, but without fail wakes at 10 and from then it’s a battle.

I’ve been told to settle him in his cot at his bedtime instead of cuddling/feeding, but how when if I do his he crawls around manically and shouts? What method has worked for people? I can’t bear the thought of him crying for me 😢 but this can’t continue

@ru53 That’s amazing! At least fetching is temporary. I’m gutted I couldn’t breastfeed, but it has made this easier. We’ve only just started very gentle sleep training. So far it’s ok 🤞

Stage 1 is encouraging him to fall asleep in his cot. We basically put him in his cot and sit next to him in a chair. The first 10 mins he crawls around his cot giggling, then he starts getting upset, so I stand up and bend into the cot to soothe him to sleep. It’s hard as he does reach up to me, but he doesn’t actually cry when I’m soothing him in the cot so that’s good. He falls asleep after another 10 or so minutes.

The next stage I’m going to start peeling away my support. I’ve introduced a comforter to help. I’ll probably sit in the chair and shush rather than stroking his head etc. If that goes well I’ll gradually stop shushing and hopefully edge out the room.

I know this will take a while, but I’m determined to cause minimal upset. I can’t have him crying for me in the cot. If he does start getting very upset the training goes out the window.

You're having a tough time OP, I feel for you! Follow your instincts, there's a reason letting him cry feels wrong to you. You do not need to sleep train and especially don't do it if you don't want to!

You are not doing anything wrong and there is no issue with fragmented sleep for little ones. They can't learn to self-soothe at this age - self-regulation comes over time from hundreds and thousands of instances of co-regulation, which is what you have been doing.

May I suggest some sleep accounts on Instagram that will help you make things more sustainable for you but allow you to keep being responsive to your little one, and no fear-mongering and no making you feel bad. You've been doing a fab job!

https://www.instagram.com/lyndsey_hookway?igsh=b2F4d3B3eWlwY3dm

https://www.instagram.com/infantsleepscientist?igsh=Z2N6NDlieXN2cWxi

https://www.instagram.com/iseethemoon_sleep?igsh=N2FjczFwMDBybG81

My son has always been an awful sleeper. We tried sleep training, reluctantly but thoroughly, at 11 months and it was awful. Didn't work, after 10 days he was still waking constantly and getting more and more upset so we stopped (we weren't just leaving him btw, we were going in at intervals)

At 13 months, when he was learning to walk, it was absolutely exhausting, his brain was so busy he just couldn't settle.

Things got (very) gradually better each year and at 4.5 he semi regularly sleeps through and on nights he is awake will happily lay down with me and listen to a story.

He also never settled in our bed 🤦 From 8 to 18 months I sat in a travel cot with him and climbed out when he was asleep 😂 At 18 months we took the side off his (long abandoned) cot bed and he'd lay down with me, it was so much easier. He's been in an adult single since turning 3 and I often sleep with him in there.