Toddler hitting, how to tackle?

[Zarah786]

Feel like I’m failing!

DD was nothing like this but DS has had this hitting tendency since he was 6 months old, he would hit his sister and pull her hair very occasionally but he’s always had a strong grip.

Generally he is well behaved, listens to instruction, becoming very independent, likes to dress himself, tidied up after himself, very caring, always sharing his snacks with his sister and loves family activities. He turns 3 soon and definitely went through terrible 2s but one thing I cant seem to deviate him from is his hitting, always his sister and now me and now accompanied with when he’s upset (the usual toddler being upset over toddler things).

I stay calm, either give him timeout/naughty step, he’ll then cry come crawling back until I address him and he’ll be fine. But that hasn’t stopped him from hitting again a few days later. Other method I’ve tried is just walking away and ‘ignoring’ although the situation calms down we’re back to square one in a week or few days. Lastly I’ve also tried being stern, we will say no, no hitting and show what soft hands mean and he follows along but again always back to square one.

Other than that his behaviour is amazing, can take him out, plays nice at preschool and never hits his dad.

Sometimes months will go by and we think he’s out of the ‘phase’ but recently it’s been more weekly and want to nip it in the bud before it becomes a habit 😢’

Anything else we can try?

You’re handling it well- staying calm, telling him no, immediate consequences, time away to calm down. The only other thing you can do I think is encourage talking about feelings and let him know it’s ok to be cross, just that we can’t take it on others, and encourage him to verbalise what’s wrong. That might be dependent on his speech, if he’s not quite talking fluently yet then it’ll come, hitting is usually a sign of frustration they can’t express. The only other thing is just keeping an eye on triggers. Is it more likely to happen when he’s hungry or tired for example?

Thank you, I will try and help him verbalise it, his speech is coming along but not developed enough for him to express feelings. He does understand happy, sad, angry faces however so could be a way to help him tell me.

It is usually when he’s tired, after yesterdays outburst he held me and fell asleep. We are transitioning out of naps so could explain the recent moments. The hitting also happens when he’s frustrated too, this morning after trying to distract him from something that upset him he just started hitting so then he had a time out which wasn’t working and then distracted with play and he happily joined in.

With his sister I feel like he hits her for fun?

I just want to make sure my actions aren’t actually making things worse…

No you’re doing fine honestly! My DS has not long turned 3, speech has really come on and we’ve found that is has (touch wood) stopped. At one point he was so bad that preschool wouldn’t have him for a full day because he’d refuse to nap there then get ragey in the afternoon. He was a thrower not a hitter but the sentiment is the same. Their advice was to go back to half days and wait until 3 then he’ll have the language to express feelings and cope fine without the nap- and they were totally right!

Just every time he does it you say a loud clear "NO" and lift him up and away from whoever he is hitting and whatever he is doing. There is no point debating or talking about kind hands etc, just "NO" and lift him away from what he wanted to do. Over and over until he gets it.

Found the book 'there's no such thing as naughty helpful to understand what everything feels like for them.
Like others have said, hopefully when his speech develops this will help.