Is this really normal?

[CatCatCatCatCatCat]

I've never had a good relationship with my mother or been close to her. I haven't seen her in about a year. I was a child of the 90s and we played out on the street all day from morning to night only really going in for dinner! We've never had a close relationship. My own children have a different upbringing and don't play out and are mainly at home if not at school as we don't live in an area kids play out. The thing I'm struggling with is my kids are very very clingy and still follow me around everywhere including my oldest son 12. I find this quite smothering and I'm not use to it and everyone tells me their teens/ preteens stay in their room and never come out only for food. Mentioned this elsewhere and everyone is telling me it's totally normal and they still follow their own mums around everywhere and even their own adult kids follow them to the bath etc or they follow their mum round the house in their 30s is this normal? I never had that relationship growing up or even now with my mother so seems strange to me. Is this really normal?

30 year olds?

Yes they are all telling me it's completely normal to follow your mum round the house even to the bathroom and making me feel bad for saying I needed some space and they wish their own kids would follow them around

Not normal I think.
I'm a child of the 80s but certainly didn't follow my mother around the place.
My oldest is only 10 and if we are both home she potters about reading, doing art, organising stuff in her room etc. She will call me or come to show me stuff but not follow me about chatting.

My mum had a lot of time away from us as we was out on the street all day or in and out of neighbours houses, my kids are home all day every day unless at school.

I think you must know some odd people.

I mean, little ones like to be able to see their caregiver, but adults ????

not normal. My DC are home most of the day but chat to their mates on line and do their own thing all day

It's not people I know I posted on an online group

Ours still hung around us at 12. By 13 we barely saw them. Enjoy - it won't last long!

I don't mind them hanging out with me that isn't the issue it's that he literally follows me round the house (they all do) if I'm upstairs for a few minutes too long I get them coming to find me

Ummm no, not normal.
My dc are a similar age. They do NOT follow me round the house. If I leave them to it they can entertain themselves for hours.
And as for full grown adults following their mothers around, that’s just really weird.

Well I'm in the minority on there and being told I'm weird for finding it weird and I should have expected my 12 year old to still follow me everywhere as it's "normal"

No, it's not normal. My eldest will do his own thing and come and find me if he has a question or an issue. My youngest still wants to be with me a lot, but he's only little still! And plenty of time he can play on his own or with his brother.

You should start to be clear about this with your 12 year old, and that he doesn't need to follow you around.

I'm 24 and very close with my mum. I'd sat in the bathroom with her before and had a chat with her when she was in the bath. She's still my first choice of person to do some things with. But it goes both ways. I changed her pads after her hysterectomy when she was bleeding, I care for her when she's sick.

Some people are just close to their parents. It's not a bad thing.

No one said it's a bad thing I'm asking if it's normal as never had that relationship with my own mum? There are countless post like this.

Normal is different for every family.

I wouldn't say it's normal for them to not entertain themselves but as someone who had a rough teenage patch and then got closer to their mum again, cherish it because you never know what's round the corner

Yes a break down is round the corner 😐

That post about a 32 year old reads to me that when they visit, they continue chatting to their mum around the house as she's doing chores or whatever. It would be more weird to visit and sit formally, or sit alone whilst the parent was busy. That's a far cry from an anxious attachment that requires them to be in sight at all times.

I'd be concerned if spending free time with a child was leading to feeling suffocated and on the verge of a breakdown. That requires some intervention for the adult.

That was just an example, there's loads of posts saying they do the same thing sorry didn't link them all

Yeah I’m 32 and follow my mum around her house and she follows me when she’s at mine! I actually follow my aunties around their kitchens too 🤣

That post about a 32 year old reads to me that when they visit, they continue chatting to their mum around the house as she's doing chores or whatever. It would be more weird to visit and sit formally, or sit alone whilst the parent was busy. That's a far cry from an anxious attachment that requires them to be in sight at all times.

I agree with this

As someone who is very close to my mother in my 30s yes i see my mother usually every other day and when at hers spend time with her, not sure id say follow but with her all the time im visiting, but at 12 i was definitely doing my own thing, seeing friends or reading in my room. The ppl you have spoken to seem to be talking about themselves as adults not at 12 years old. Do your kids participate in after school/weekend activities

Ok when I use to visit my mum (haven't in years) I never use to follow her around the house or go upstairs if she went up?? Or sit whilst she has a bath and pass her shampoo etc? But like I said we were never close which is why I'm asking.

I don't know when it stopped by my partner was like this with his mum and brother. His brother was the exact opposite and needed to be alone which caused conflict

My sisters go to my mum's if off work sick and see them most days often twice in a day. Speak to her daily on the phone. I speak to my mum only to check in after Dr appointments or arrange to see her and see her once or twice a week since we had my daughter once or twice a month before that. It's a very different relationship. My partner still speaks to his mum every day some times 2 or 3 times but he doesn't follow her around anymore!