Please tell me it gets easier?

[Milehigh]

Im really struggling and need some hope that it does get easier eventually?!

I have three children under three. DS is 2 yrs 4 months and twin DD’s are just turned 1. Twins were an unexpected surprise, found out at 12 week scan there were two of them (another surprise), they were 2 months premature so ended up being 16 month age gap.

I’ve somehow survived and kept my head above water this past year, largely because DP had a job that allowed more time off, DS wasn’t too difficult and twins were really easy newborns/babies. In the last few months, DS has started nursery (and brought home every virus there is 🙄) DP has changed jobs, the twins have become more demanding of my time and DS’s behaviour has gotten a lot more challenging. DS’s behaviour is horrendous atm. He tantrums and whinges from the moment he opens his eyes until bedtime finally rolls around. He is constantly snatching off the babies and I have to watch him like a hawk as he pushes them over or hits them. He’s also decided he wants to drop his nap. The babies are chilled and sleep quite well but the weaning three times a day, the mess, the nappy changes and the nap maths is overwhelming. Not to mention when I take them out, lugging the two car seats and double buggy and all the other rubbish.

I’m on my own three days a week with them all and I’m losing my mind. I love them so much but it’s just relentless and I just feel like I can’t do it anymore. DP works long days and does do his fair share but there’s just too much for the two of us most of the time.

Twins are due to start nursery in sept as childcare costs are unaffordable for two until they get their hours. DS does 2 days a week. He’s on waitlist for another day, I’m desperate but they are full (not very well thought through).

Please be kind, I’m well aware that this is my own doing and my lack of preparation/forward thinking about DS’s nursery place plus lack of thought into how we would actually handle 2 under 2, let alone 3 under 2 etc etc. We have no family support despite numerous promises of help when I was terrified on finding out it was twins but that’s a whole other story.

Well I only had two under three and didn’t have twins but yes it gets easier. It doesn’t happen overnight but slowly it will start to get easier. You just have to do everything you can to get through each day at the moment. Spend as much time as you can with your older child whilst the twins nap as he will be missing his one to time with you.
Once they are all at school you will have three children at roughly the same age/stage. With any luck they will go to the same school and similar out of school activities so you will have more time to yourself.
It is also easier to plan days out once they primary age, especially if they are close in age.
Today we went for a costal walk to see the baby seals, then spent some time on the arcades and had chippy tea. It was so chilled and mine are now good company. You will get there.

I think this is probably going to be the most difficult stage. Twins mobile but zero sense, elder one not happy they are mobile and "annoying".

So yes it will improve!!

More nursery will help.

Do you go to toddler groups? We did most days.

Thank you. This is really reassuring. It’s so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel right now but imagining nice days out like you describe makes me feel better. It’s just hard splitting my time between them all when they all need me so much still, then I just feel like a crap mum all round for not meeting all their needs properly!

Thank you. Yes this is exactly it. It’s just the endless mess, chaos, crying and overstimulation all day. And never being able to relax or fully take my eyes off any of them for a minute.

Yes we do a couple of groups and meet friends at soft play, it def helps getting out of the house. It just causes other issues as I generally have to do the twins first nap on the go, then they get overtired. But generally worth it to occupy toddler and get out of the four walls!

More nursery is going to help so much!

Do you know other parents with a child the same age as your older one that you can swap play dates with?

When you have an extra older one they can "play" with each other or at least leave the twins alone. Then you can reciprocate and have twin with just the twins when your eldest goes to theirs?

I have dd1 then twins (3 year age gap though). There was a very memorable moment when I said to dh “you know what, it feels like it’s more manageable and I’m on top of things more now. Not sure what changed.” Dh laughed and said “you mean, now all 3 dc are in school for part of the day it’s feeling easier?… yep, I think that’s them being at school 😂”

But genuinely, that was the turning point. Different challenges but less physically exhausting. They’re 13-16 now and just the best (most of the time).

Have you looked in to a Mother's helper? I have a friend who was in a similar situation and her health visitor suggested this - they just come and give you a hand - maybe help with the babies etc while you spend some time with your eldest. Will be cheaper than childcare I imagine and might just give you an occasional break.

Your HV may be able to refer you to Home Start where a volunteer comes for a couple of hours a week.