Working mum- burning out?

[Cdu2021]

Hi all,

I started a new job at the beginning of the year. It's a very intense and chaotic company, and while I'm well paid and have worked intense jobs before, I am overwhelmed.

I have a 5 year old and a nearly 3 year old who doesn't sleep well. I am stressed by my job and have no patience with the children, who constantly seem to be having tantrums and wanting me.

DH also works in a demanding job, but despite us arguing many times about it, I still do the lion's share of the family's chores and planning (laundry, shopping, cooking, sorting out medical appointments, bills, any house or school related stuff, car etc!!). This is a major argument between DH and I, and he just doesn't realise or want to realise that my mind is constantly occupied and overstimulated either by my stressful intense job, demanding children, domestic stuff.

My question is: should I resign from my job and take a lower paid, more chilled role (we can afford it and DH would be supportive)? What annoys me is that it feels like I can't cope with my job because of how much energy my children need from me... and I don't know if that's just natural given their age, and I should just accept it, and be grateful I can afford to take a more relaxed job... or would it be massively different if DH supported me more? There are things he can't change: our 3 year old doesn't sleep well, and the children seem to want me and need my attention more than DH.

I am constantly feeling like I'm about to have a nervous breakdown either at work or with the children (I'm tearful, super angry, banging my head on the walls etc), so it can't go on.

No, your husband needs to step up or you pay a cleaner for doing chores at the family home and a babysitter to help with the children.

I think it's sounds like your DH should support you more but that if you can afford it and actually want to, take a less stressful job and let him carry more of the financial burden if he won't pull his finger out with the household stuff. I have a very stressful intense job and a young child too and feel like there is always someone needing me, constant demands on me at home and work, and like you, feel just totally overwhelmed and overstimulated with the endless thinking and rushing about trying to spin all the plates. I hope it gets better for you soon.

This is tricky - you’re obviously (&rightly) feeling a lot of resentment towards DH for not supporting you - would this really resolve itself if you took a different role because of his failure to step up? I would say for me it wouldn’t - it would probably fundamentally damage a marriage for me.
I think the only way DH will understand is if he does actually take some of the load. Can you calmly divide things up a bit more fairly (eg every other night one parent deals with the 3 yr old, the other gets earplugs) and tell him it’s this or couples counselling?