My husband nor myself have a great relationship with his side of the family. They're dysfunctional to say the least.
I have stopped making any remaining effort with them because whatever I have done in the past is never reciprocated and my son is excluded by them for everything. my son was very unwell when he was younger they never got in touch with us (aside from MIL, but who hindered rather than helped).
Anyway she's having some problems now with her side of the family and everything gets relayed via me. She doesn't get in touch with her son for anything and often tests whether I've passed things on by asking him if I've told him. My husband has started to reply to her instead of me but she insists on coming directly to me and honestly it's exhausting. We've been on holiday and she thinks nothing of texting me while we're away her woes yet the times we've gone thru hell all I get off her is well it could be worse you just need to think positively. I feel like she's doing it to wind me up. If I didn't reply she'd ring my husband asking what was wrong with me. If I don't like their stuff on social media I get a text asking if I've seen it.
We had a fall out once after her husband (my husbands step dad) eluded to my husband having sex with a sex worker on his stag do then blocking me on fb while my son was ill & I was at home looking after him. His mothers response was that I couldn't take banter and was desperate to drive a wedge between them all. If anything it's me that has kept him seeing his mum because I know how I'd die if my son stopped seeing me when he's older. But I have so much pent up anger and resentment and this feels like more games from their side. My husband isn't close to them but she insists on giving me updates about them and asks me if she can come over to see us. If I say yes but I'll be out she rearranges for when I'm in. Talks incessantly at me, gets us all irate and pissed off with the tripe she comes out with then goes, ticking a box that shes seen us. She bends over backwards for her other grandchildren (ridiculously so) yet my son doesn't get a look in and clams up when she comes over.
I'm so sick of being sucked into her drama and acting as a go between for her and her son whilst getting left out of everything that would constitute an actual family. No invites for us for parties or days out etc and given different dates for holiday 'invites' that then suddenly change but happy to hijack my day to burden with me her shit and expect me to keep a day free at the weekend so she can come sit on my sofa and talk at me for 4 hours.
My son was once in high dependency at the hospital and he text all his family. Only his mum replied and made an excuse for her other kids, then fell out with my husband for not towing the line by expressing his hurt.
I keep processing them and trying to just leave it in the past and not waste energy on them but feel like every time they trigger me it all just comes back.