Think I’m depressed

[Crazy4uu]

Have a 2 yo and 3 month old and I just am not happy

i have 2 healthy kids, happy most the time (parents with toddlers IYKYK lol) and that’s all I want their health and happiness

i worry about their health and development constantly all day I can’t get a breather

eldest is in the thick of tantrums to where I plan nice days and I am suprised and happy when they go well and there’s no kicks offs
hes so strong willed it’s tough

my youngest is breastfed and I really regret starting as I can’t get a minute
she feeds so much she’s so fussy and such a light sleeper I’m not getting any sleep and even getting a bath I can’t do because she’ll cry as soon as I’m away from her

i feel so down and lonely and I’m so worried about damaging my kids because of how I am and how I’m feeling now. Im worried about my bond with my eldest being affected cos his sister is constantly with me she doesn’t let me put her doen

i just want to cry and think I might cry

And I feel like such a shit parent for moaning about my
healthy happy kids I don’t want moan

im really struggling I can’t stay in and I dread going out

You poor thing. You're deep in the trenches at the moment, three month old babies are hard work and with a toddler too, it's not surprising that you feel overwhelmed. Certainly a visit to the doctor would be a good idea.

Are you getting any time to yourself at all? You need to get some, you are physically and mentally exhausted and it doesn't make you a bad parent to need a break. In fact, it would make you a better parent. Any help you can get, you should accept, and don't feel guilty. I'm speaking as someone who was almost hospitalised with PND - once it was recognised and treated, I could get back to being myself and coping with life a lot better. Keep talking x

Please see your GP, you will be a happier mum for it x

And I will add, I had to stop breastfeeding when my baby was a few weeks old. I felt like the worst mother ever, but as time passed I realised that bottle feeding is absolutely fine and when your child is a bit older nobody can tell if they were bottle or breast fed. Nobody cares unless they are a judgemental twat. It meant my partner and family could help more and I could get some rest, which was vital to my well-being (and therefore vital to the baby's wellbeing ).

It's hard when they are both so young. It does pass, but that's not much comfort now.
Can you start the two year old in nursery? At least for a couple of days?

Thank you everyone. I am going to switch to formula feeding very soon. I’ll be a better mum if I’m more rested and if I can leave my baby with her dad or even my family etc (now and then just so I can rest)

DS does keep his nursery days which we’re lucky to do while I’m on mat leave, those days I catch up on housework and give my little lady 1-2-1 time. I always said I’d nap on these days but she really doesn’t sleep, her naps in the day are 30 mins max so by the time I’ve popped her in cot/moses basket she’s awake again it feels :(

j might speak to my GP when they’re open again next week. I feel so drained and anxious all the time and I had a panic attack today. And then wonder why my poor toddler has tantrums it’s my fault because I’m so bloody highly strung :( and I need to fix this I don’t want to affect them

i just feel so guilty and like a shit mum because I want to do the best for tjem

You’re not a shit mum. You’re exhausted and trying your best. What you’re doing is enough! Hopefully switching to bottle feeding will help give you some breathing space. Re sleep, I’m guessing you’ve tried all the usual things like dark room, white noise, making sure the cot isn’t too cold? Things change all the time at this age and she could start napping for longer periods soon. I’ve found that simple deep breathing exercises can help when feeling overwhelmed, you can do them whilst you’re holding the baby, it can help calm baby down too! Hopefully things get a bit easier for you soon 💐

Your toddler is having tantrums because it's a developmental stage, it has nothing to do with the quality of your parenting. They'd be having tantrums for Mary Poppins, I promise you

And the truly shit mums of the world don't tend to feel guilty about their actions!