Teens / Husband do nothing in the house

[lul1]

I don't work so they just say it's my job.

Youngest is actually 12. Oldest 14.

They do nothing. I used to have to sort my own pe kit/ homework / school bag / uniform.

I hade lots of MH issues and diagnosis and it's just too much. I don't mind doing the usual stuff but they do nothing not a single thing.

What stuff should they be doing at that age
? People say to punish them / take away phones but with all my issues I just can't care the drama afterwards.

I know if I do it they never will but it's just all too much I'm autistic too.

The kids don’t do anything because you they haven’t been taught to from a you age and because they watch your DH doing nothing either.

A 12 and 14 year old should be doing their school bags if they’re ever to become independent. My nursery age child manages to pack her own water bottle.

Assuming no additional needs the 14 year old should be able to sort all their school stuff out themselves. I would still wash clothes at that age moving towards independence in laundry after GCSEs. The 12 year old probably needs some prompting/ reminders but should be able to go and get PE kit etc while you sit on sofa and direct. By 13 I would expect just occasional reminder - oh it's Tuesday isn't it PE day?

Start a rule at a time OP. They must get their bags, kit, gear ready. Warn them you won’t be doing anything for it. Talk them through what you do in advance then leave them to it.

I would immediately stop doing everything.

At 12 when I started secondary school I had to iron my school uniforms by myself and it was my responsibility to make sure they were in the washing baskets or they wouldn't get washed. Before that I learnt how to iron when I was younger when my mum and dad would help me with my Brownie and Guide uniforms. I made my own lunches too and I helped my mum do the shopping and put it away. My dad and I washed and dried the dishes together every night. Bedroom had to be kept decent. Every Sunday it was my job to buy the milk, rolls and newspapers at the shop. We all took turns cleaning the cat litter and it was my responsibility on a certain day. I had my own hamster at 12 and it taught me about caring for a living creature as everything was my responsibility.

And so on and so on.

You say your husband does nothing either. It's the height of disrespect that everything is being left to you and your husband isn't backing you in teaching your teenagers to be more responsible and independent. It is a parent's responsibility to train your children to be independent, respectful, helpful people on their path to adulthood.

If this continues what will they be like as adults?

It has to start with your husband, and should have started a long time ago. He has taught them this awful attitude, he has a big job to sort out now. Teaching self care and independence is part of raising children. The 14 year old will be fending for themselves in a few years- how's that going to work if he hasn't been raised?

My 12 year old is responsible for his school bag, books, PE kit, doing his own homework etc. Explain to your children that you're not going to be doing these things for them anymore. Remind them the 1st few weeks, then leave them to it. If they forget that's their problem. They'll soon learn.

My 11 year old sorts her own school bag. I have nothing whatsoever to do with it. She ensures she has her PE kit when she needs it. She brings her washing down and I wash it and she supposedly puts it away.

She also does various jobs around the house.

Like others I would suggest your H is the problem. He is treating you like a skivvy so so are they. You need him to do more and for both of you to sit down with your teens and tell them what the new world looks like for them. Then sit back and have nothing more to do with their bags. Once they've forgotten their books a few times, they won't do it again. When they're at secondary school, they need to do this stuff for themselves.

Likewise, housework, they live in the house, they need to contribute. Apart from being lazy and entitled, they'll become lazy and entitled adults like your H