I KNOW I'm not the only one, but it would be really comforting to hear it.

[PeggySioux]

I'm a SAHM with one little girl under school age and a baby due next month.

Most of my friends are in very similar positions.

I recently noticed that I am the only person I know who has absolutely no family help and whose toddler doesn't go to nursery. Now, I'm not suggesting for a second that I have a hard lot, far from it. I am very lucky to be able to spend all week with my child (soon children) and lets face it, two under twos are perfectly doable by myself.

I just notice my friends forever putting their toddler in nursery "so they can go to the dentist / get a big supermarket shop done / catch up with the housework / spend some time with the new baby". And sending the children off to g'parents "for a breather / bit of time off".

I never ever ever ever ever get time off or a breather or catch up with the housework! And I will never ever have time alone with the new baby!

Please don't think I'm moaning - I know many people really do have a hard time, and really I know I don't. For a start I have a lovely DP in the evenings and at weekends to help out and let me have a bath alone! It would just be reassuring to know that there are lots of other people who don't have a support cast of relitives and a nursery to lean on. And manage fine.

I suppose it's the 'quality time with new baby' thing that I worry a bit about. It's okay not to have this - right? I'm a bit pregnant and hormonal so please don't flame me for having it too easy.

Personally, no. 2 was such a different baby and I don't think I ever have had the quality time I did with no. 2. I am also a SAHM, but with my DD going into nursery next term, I hope to be able to spend some more time with him than I have done...

Both sets of parents live overseas and I have no real help - all has to be paid childminding or I have a moment to myself when DH is home over the weekend, and my MN habit doesn't help matters...

Good luck with No 2.

PeggySioux

Of course you will be fine. Many women love being at home with small children and don't want it any other way. I assume that your toddler is not in nursery because you don't want her to be away from you, you think she isn't ready or you can't afford it. all of those reasons are perfectly valid.

I'm not sure about not having 'quality' time with the baby as I don't have 2 children but many of my frineds do and some of them don't use nurseries/childcare.

On the other hand if you think your toddler will be ready for nursery/pre-school at some point soon there is funding for 3 year olds to attend nursery. Some toddlers go for 2-3 hours at a time, 2-3 times a week which isn't much and could give you the 1 on 1 time with the baby if you really wanted it.

hello peggysioux - i am not in your situation (am SAHM but just have the one 16 mo at the mo and he is hard enough work!)but one of my very good friend's is and i know she felt EXACTLY like you before she had her ds2, she is a v upbeat person but she was very down about not having any other childcare possibilities etc and feeling very stuck at home..
her ds2 is now 4 mo and she has said to me that although its obviously hard work it is a lot more fun than she would have imagined.
All the very best to you - you sound like you are doing an amazing job
p.s. if i was in your position i would be feeling a lot more sorry for myself i am sure..

What Lazycow said.

Nothing is fixed in stone, your DD will grow and you might start to think she would benefit from nursery or playgroup. Or you might not - either way, you can change and adapt as time goes on.

when your baby comes, what might be crucially important is quality time with your older DD rather than your new baby - I found it all too easy to overlook my older child's needs because the baby was just so demanding.

then, it could pan out for you that your DD is ready for nursery just as your baby gets older and benefits more from time alone with you. After all, a new baby's needs are pretty straightforward (although constant!) and it might work out better for all of you that baby's turn at having you all to himself/herself comes later.

Thank you for the reassurance. Dd doesn't go to nursery because it's a luxury we can't afford at the moment. I know it will be fine and I know I'll manage. I must stop comparing what I do with what my friends do.

Peggysioux - it is just so easy to fall into the trap of comparison - guilty as charged ..

Hope it works out for you .... have you got anyone coming to help you when the newbie arrives???

PeggySioux

The government provide funding to pay for all over threes to attend a pre-school(can be attached to a nursery) for (I think) 10 hours a week during term time.

This would be valuable time for you to spend one to one with your new baby and very few children don't take to it, my ds1 absolutely loved pre-school and all the lovely activities they did.

A settling period can be unsettling for both of you but is well worth it in the long term.

Thank you sitdown - I have no objection to dd going to nursery, in fact I think she'd probably really take to it as she's a confident little thing and not clingy or anxious. She's not yet two though, so we have a little while to wait for the 3-year-old thing to kick in.

Actually, that's made me realise it's only a little over a year that I'll have two non-stop. And, as Iheartdusty says, one-to-one time with DC2 will be more important when he or she is one, than a teeny baby.

Thank you No1EBF, Dp has two weeks paternity leave so I'll have a bit of a breather and a spare pair of hands before cracking on.

...still waiting for someone to comment saying "Oh yes, I have two under two and no help and it's FINE!"

Hiya. I was in your situation when I had my second. I ended up getting a little help here and there and it was worthwhile. Even friends taking your older child to the park or coming over to play while you and the baby go for a nap can be great. I was reluctant to ask for much help as I felt they were all in similar situations - which they weren't really as most of them had some family nearer or husbands who didn't travel as much - but people are alway keen to help. And to grab cuddles with a newborn .

Make sure you get the help from your DP - PL for my DP was a good excuse to put his feet up and watch the cricket

Can't say it won' t be a challenge, but there is always MN...!!

to OP - you can manage, just make sure you don't put undue pressure on yourself to get all the washing/cleaning/washing-up done. take your time doing your own thing even if it means brushing your teeth at lunchtime and eating lunch at three. no-one will mind!

i think there is a lot of pressure to be the perfect mum, ignore the world and just look after baba. oh, and sling is perfect for carrying baby while chasing toddler! lol!

Hi PeggySioux, I'm in a similar situation to you. I also have one child (currently 11mths) and am expecting another (ds will be 14mths when no2 arrives). And, like you, I have no help at all from anyone else. Of course I get tired sometimes, I'm only human after all. However, I've made a lot of changes. Firstly, I almost never do any housework. It's just extra work and ds is hard enough work. I leave it all for dh. The same goes for supermarket shopping - I just hand dh a list, although I find I have to write brand names down too. Shopping for me is fine - ds just comes along with me!

As for spending time with the new baby, you should get dh to help you with 1st child, play/distraction/whatever so that you can take care of no2. If you're breastfeeding it should work out ok, you can read no1 a story for example while breastfeeding no2.

Don't worry! I never have time off for a breather either and yet I'm still here! It can be tough, but if you delegate some things to dh (definitely the housework) and throw the iron in the bin, it does get easier.

if you can afford it, getting a cleaner in one morning a week can make all the difference.

: )

I have 3 and one on the way, DS1 is at school and DS2 spends 2 1/2 hours a day at nursery.
I have no help from family/friends although before I was pg I did get a babysitter sometimes so I could ride my horses.

I'm sure you will be fine with 2 under 2, for me it is just about getting into a routine and being oganised

Hi PeggySioux. A kindred spirit. I have met very few people who do the whole two under two full time thing!
My ds was 19 months when I had dd. My sister and parents aren't far away, but they work full-time, and like yours, my dp is home in the evenings and at weekends.
People often suggest to me that I put ds in nursey (like I hadn't thought of that!) and a friend who has two the same ages as my two, who thinks I'm a hero!!
But I love it being the three of us. It's not easy peasy, but it is far easier than I ever expected. And dd (now 6 months) adores her big brother, and is much easier when he's there too - he entertains her.
Yes, my hair looks shite (really need to have it cut), my house is revolting, and it can be tough when they're both crying. But I can honestly say that I love it.
I don't do quite as much with my dd, but she's happy and there's plenty of time for that when ds starts pre-school. In fact, she'll appreciate the one-on-one time more when she's older. The only slight pang I get is that I can't sit and drink coffee with other friends of small babies.
We probably could stretch to nursery, but I don't want to - not yet. And I'd miss ds.
My top tips:

• go to loads of toddler groups so your toddler can let off steam and you can sit and chat with other mums.
• do your food shop online. Sainsbury's deliver for only £2.50.
• if you ever get them both to sleep, have a rest and don't do any housework**that's just an excuse. My two are both sleeping, and I'm in the corner of the sofa with the laptop screen angled so I can't see the devastation in our front room caused by two exuberant toddlers this morning.

Hi PeggySioux. A kindred spirit. I have met very few people who do the whole two under two full time thing!
My ds was 19 months when I had dd. My sister and parents aren't far away, but they work full-time, and like yours, my dp is home in the evenings and at weekends.
People often suggest to me that I put ds in nursey (like I hadn't thought of that!) and a friend who has two the same ages as my two, who thinks I'm a hero!!
But I love it being the three of us. It's not easy peasy, but it is far easier than I ever expected. And dd (now 6 months) adores her big brother, and is much easier when he's there too - he entertains her.
Yes, my hair looks shite (really need to have it cut), my house is revolting, and it can be tough when they're both crying. But I can honestly say that I love it.
I don't do quite as much with my dd, but she's happy and there's plenty of time for that when ds starts pre-school. In fact, she'll appreciate the one-on-one time more when she's older. The only slight pang I get is that I can't sit and drink coffee with other friends of small babies.
We probably could stretch to nursery, but I don't want to - not yet. And I'd miss ds.
My top tips:

• go to loads of toddler groups so your toddler can let off steam and you can sit and chat with other mums.
• do your food shop online. Sainsbury's deliver for only £2.50.
• if you ever get them both to sleep, have a rest and don't do any housework**that's just an excuse. My two are both sleeping, and I'm in the corner of the sofa with the laptop screen angled so I can't see the devastation in our front room caused by two exuberant toddlers this morning.

Thank you for the positives!

Phlossie - it's so nice to hear that you actually enjoy it, rather than just put up with it. I must agree that (barring the inevitable rotten days) I love being at home full time with dd and don't really feel the need to send her off to nursery just so I can get my housework done or my legs waxed. We do things together and yes, everything takes three times as long but it's so fab being there for everything she learns. She's still only a baby and there's the rest of her life to be at school, college, work. I am glad I haven't rushed to send her away, and I'm sure we'll muddle through in our happy little way when the new one comes along.

I'm in the same situation with a one year old and three year old. We moved abroad before they were born and dh works very long hours and often weekends too.
Like you I count myself lucky I get to spend so much time with my children without sharing them. I also loved the experience of taking dd1 with me to all my "appointments", though its not so fun now there are two of them
My mum did stay for the first month of dd2's life, which helped hugely, but other than that I get quality time with dd2 at night during her (constant) breastfeeds and me and dd1 grab the odd moment when dd2 sleeps through the day, but on the whole I think both girls enjoy us to all be together.