Newborn won't be put down - how do I proceed?

[GreenBirdy]

This is my second but I honestly can't remember what I'm doing. It was pretty horrendous with them too and I think I've blanked it out!

Baby is c.1 week old. So super early days and I know it can all change - 4th trimester and all that. All the posts I've searched for on here are about how baby doesn't nap in cot/moses/crib etc. This is also true for me BUT the issue I am struggling with is that it's not just naps, it's overnight sleep. Baby won't be put down for sleep (or at all tbh) so either I or DH have to take shifts to sit up with him. We just tag team all day and night and I have short sleep times due to baby being EBF.

I've tried swaddling, white noise, bum down first, warming mattress first etc. I have also tried co-sleeping and he won't settle either.

My qu is - how do I proceed? Do I just keep trying to put Baby down to sleep every day and hope he gets it one day? I'm right in thinking I just have to get through the next few weeks however I can.

I'll be honest, after my last one being so difficult to get to sleep I was really hoping this one would be able to be put down. I
know I'm being unrealistic to expect it all to be OK 1 week in, I'm just struggling to remember how I maintain hope that it all gets better!

I wouldn’t try every day or you’ll get frustrated and exhausted. Try every 5-7 days or so and there might be a change at some point.

Sling for day. For night, I managed to set up a complicated arrangement where I slept propped up with lots of pillows with baby on my chest, arms across her and my elbows supported on pillows. Baby in sleeping bag so no blanket over her. No doubt would fail the SIDS guidelines but was better than me dropping from exhaustion I reckoned, and she never rolled or slipped out of my arms (I am a light sleeper though).

Hopefully yours will “get it” quicker than mine!

It’s very early days.
but I had an un-put-down-able baby and it was exhausting so I do feel your pain.
he’s fine now but 11!!!

this phase will pass. In the meantime google the pick up put down method. I def got some results from that but prob not when he was that young.

also, a sling or baby carrier helps if you want to not cuddle him for a while. As do walks in the pram and drives in the car!

People will tell you not to but I survived the night times by lying next to baby while he fed off me. And I then rolled over to the other side of the bed once he’d popped off to sleep (dh was in the spare room)

That sounds hard! It sounds like you already know the answer, i.e. it will sort itself out in time. But that's not much help when you are getting 2 hours of sleep a night. Every baby is different. You can help them get to sleep and stay asleep by doing things like a bedtime routine, rocking in a pram, taking them for walks etc. Ideally they would learn to self settle, but that can take time. You can't sleep train a newborn. Just do whatever you can to get everyone the most sleep. That might mean feeding him, then passing him to your partner to hold while you sleep before the next feed. Things will straighten out soon, you just have to hang in there for a few more weeks. Enjoy those newborn cuddles! Best of luck x

I did the same, eventually using a V shaped pillow to support my arms and keep them away from the baby. I felt at first like I was going to kill him but it was honestly the only way.

Yes! I had a V shaped pillow and it was a godsend. Went round my back and supported my elbows.

The only thing that helped my velcro baby was putting a top of mine over his mattress like a sheet and making sure it was all tight and safe. My smell settled him for a while. I had to sleep with my arm through the cot bars to hold his hand many of times.
Eventually he did learn to feel safe knowing I was still around and my smell was there so I'd get 2 hours sleep.

Congratulations on your darling newborn. I had one or two velcro babies OP. It does get better eventually but at a week I was still in unputdownable mode. I agree with others - don't worry too much about routines at the moment and do whatever it takes to get whatever sleep you can. With the best will in the world the early days are tricky! In the end I used to put them down in the crib right next to the bed, put my hand through the bars and tap gently and rhymically on the bum area whilst quietly shh shh ing. I think this would be easier nowadays with the next to me cribs. In the end I was bum tapping in my sleep I'm sure. In fact one of my adult daughters still sits and strokes her eyebrow if she's tired or troubled - a throwback to DH and I taking turns to lay with her as a toddler trying to get her off to sleep by gently stroking her eyebrow which naturally caused her to close her eyes.

Just to add too it's ok to pop baby down even if they shout so you shower and ear etc. You matter too!

You could try putting a hot water bottle on the mattress where baby's head will go, and pop them down when it's nice and warm (not hot obv). We had to do this for first month of DD2 life.

How can a baby not be put down. Baby is put down and yells because it wants to be held 24/7. Somehow you have to make the baby understand this won't be happening. You will end up stressed and exhausted and that won't help anybody.

Sling for day and safely co-sleeping at night not my first choice but what was safest in the end.

Our parents thought pfb would get idea if they intervened and waited it out - sent me away - she outlasted them and it just led to a distressed baby and mother. By 5 months with a lot of work did get her in cot part of the night - hopefully you'll manage it before then.

I would say, this early in the game just take each day as it comes. This week little one might not want to be put down. But next week everything could have changed and he will happily go in the cot/sling/pram.

If possible I would keep persisting with a sling, little and often.

At 1 week most of the babies couldn't be put down in my NCT group by 4 weeks it was just my daughter who couldn't be put down at all and another who often couldn't be put down. there were 7 babies

My daughter couldn't be put down at all she was in my arms for 23h a day until 18 weeks when her reflux was properly treated and we started looking at food allergies. About 40% babies have reflux at 4 months these then to find being out down hard and might need to be more asleep before being put down. You can do the drop test to see if they are asleep enough keep straight but bend your knees and see if the wiggle at all. We did contact naps and cosleeping solely until 5 months when she started sleeping in the pram as I did pram walks too. We coslept until 2 when we put her in her bed but from 1 she spent the start of the night in the cot.

I found that my DS was a side sleeper. Wedged two rolled up towels under the moses basket sheet. Sleeping went from 10 min stretches to a couple of hours - it made enough of a difference to allow me some time where I wasn't attached to my baby.

He was still velcro during the day though

Slings saved my sanity, he just wanted to be held constantly

It does pass, I absolutely remember how brutal those early days were, and he wasn't my first, but I promise that it gets better ❤️

I do wonder about reflux with pfb it was definitely an issue with next baby - but pfb also ended up ND and did when weaned have mild food allegories and intolerances (and was bf )and both older ones as soon as they could roll were side sleepers -so hard to pin down what the problem was but pfb was very much a Velcro baby.

You’ve probably tried this but I’ll just share as this eventually worked for me in the same situation:

laid baby down on my side of the bed (think she could smell me) then laid next to her with my face pressed on hers with hands sort of under her armpits as though I was going to pick her up. Blasted the white noise.

once she’d been asleep for about 10 mins I’d release my hands and then try get a bit of kip while keeping my face pressed on hers.

After a few weeks I managed to get her to sleep in a purflo sleep nest which is sleepsafe. I would deliberately place her with her head touching the edges.

Sending you positive vibes. How exhausting. I could not and would not go back to that!

Oh give over. You can't be manipulated by a newborn baby. As mothers we are their safe space and comforter, of course they want to be held!

Thank you so much to everyone that has posted. For both the advice and the - generally sympathetic - sentiments. Apologies for delay in reply - trying to grab every moment to rest!

Good advice on sleeping methods with v pillows. Thank you @Sleepygrumpyandnothappy and @minipie

I know I have to just accept it's a difficult and hard time, but bloody hell, it's hard sometimes.

@Superscientist - thank you for the stat from not. Gosh your story sounds hard

@Motherofpearlxoxo - thank you for that detailed advice, much appreciated. It paints such a funny but cute picture in my mind and I will prob try it!

@GreenBirdy may I ask how you got on please? I am searching old threads as my DS is the same - two weeks old and won’t be put down flat in anything!

@autumnfoxes I'm here now too. Safe bedsharing and also chest sleeping while trying to use the cot sometimes just for practice/future goals. For safe sleep info see the @ cosleepy account on Instagram and lullaby trust