Am I too prescious about DD

[Mummydearesttolouells]

My DD is 5.5 months. I’ve always been pretty uptight about things when it comes to her and things do have to be done my way.
I’m pretty close to my parents so assumed I’d feel confident with them looking after DD while I was still pregnant but actually I really don’t feel comfortable leaving her with them which I know does hurt their feelings.
it’s really minor things that some people would brush off but it reallly bugs me. E.G, I always tell my mum to wipe DD from front to back and not to use wipe upwards. But whenever she changes a nappy she always at some point will forget and wipe up. I then get frustrated and take over. I have explained umpteen times how to do it properly and how I like it done but it just seems to go in one ear. Same with tiredness, I say to both my parents that DD is tired, but they’ll consistently try to continue shoving toys in her face to which point I have to take DD out of the room and rock her down and usually she’s completely over tired that it makes the rest of the day extremely difficult.

I left a list when they looked after her last and they felt I was telling them to suck eggs but I just explained that they don’t respect the way I like things done and therefore I have to do lists. They are due to look after her again on Friday and I am really winding myself up with the what could go wrongs. They feel they’re not that close with her as they hoped to be but from my perspective if you can’t respect and listen to the small things I ask then I just can’t allow you to be responsible for her while I’m not around.

AIBU and too precious?

Presuming this is your first born?

I think it is a bit over the top given your parents raised you! Presumably you turned out alright. It is probably coming across as hugely patronising.

That said, she's your child.

Just don't expect free childcare when you plan to go back to work if you can't be flexible.

Absolutely first born and I did actually go to put that in my post that I turned out fine!….

I know, it’s really hard for me to chill out and my and DP have actually discussed taking extended time off work because I really don’t feel comfortable leaving her. Shocked I feel so strongly tbh.

I think I would have to ask my mum if she's in the habit of wiping bacteria from her arsehole to her vagina

If you don't like the way they look after your baby then stop using them to look after your baby!

So are you watching every time your Mum changes her nappies?
Yes you are being precious and you either trust your parents or you don’t!
Absolutely nothing worse than being undermined and patronised .
Every human being on this earth approach childcare slightly differently and unless they are being obviously dangerous or abusive you should calm down and respect that your Mum is a caring Grandma.

You either allow them to watch her and except some small things they do might be different, or you care for her 24/7 yourself. Giving them a list is ridiculous, and if they are that unreliable or you're that uptight, just do everyone a favour and never have anyone watch your kid.

Unless your parents are so careless that they put your child in actual danger, I think you need to find a way to lighten up. You're making yourself and your parents miserable.

I can understand the wiping from back to front being a concern because this can cause infections. You are right to keep bringing this up.

Personally I wasn't ready to have other people aside from my DH watch my baby for long at that age, it is only once she's been 7/8 months family have looked after her without me there. Could it be you're just not quite ready? You don't sound precious to me, though. You love and care for your baby and don't want her to be overtired or to have bacteria introduced to her vagina!

The wiping back to front you should raise of course.

But honestly, the rest of it.. if this is how precious you want to be then don't get them to look after her.

You're also preventing the relationship between your daughter and her grandparents developing.

I think there must be some kind of magic when it comes to babies and UTI's. Baby poo goes everywhere right, and if your baby is anything like my girls that means having to clear it out from their vulva and vagina on a regular basis 😳

I have no idea how they don't have a continual UTI, but when it's basically smeared everywhere, I'm not sure the direction of the wipe is important any more.

it's important for the future though obviously.

Aah this stuff is hard OP. Basically no one will be able to care for your baby exactly as you would, because you’re her mum! Totally with you on the wiping though and the winding her up when she’s tired would be frustrating too as you’re the one who has to deal with the consequences. I have found this gets easier as they get older (I’m only a few months ahead of where you are.) You will find you relax a bit, your parents will get better at it too, and when baby is a bit bigger they are more resilient and don’t seem quite so fragile. It’s frustrating to not feel listened to, maybe just a frank conversation with your parents about how it makes you feel and why certain things are important to you. I would decide which things really are important though and which to let go.

This! We had to clean poo out of my daughter's intimate areas 3-8 times a day never had an infection! Several times a week she needed 2 baths to clean her down (allergies) no infection. It is much more important once they are toddler age from this perspective getting the habits right early is helpful but maybe relaxing this for now might help build trust.

How much of the instructions are nice to do and how much are red lines. If you give someone 10 things they probably won't read it and ignore the whole thing missing the key things due to overload. Pick 1 or 2 things that really have to be done as you prefer and let other things slide.

My daughter was much older before she was even left with my partner with me out of the house completely due to covid and she was left with nursery before she was left with relatives due to personal circumstances. Unless it's essential it's up to you how much or little you leave your daughter and then you have to weigh up the benefit to you for them having her for a while and then the downsides of things not being done perfectly to see whether the overall situation is a benefit to you and your daughter

Agree! Pooh is already over this area unless they always poo backwards.
As long as the vulva is clean it really doesn’t make any difference which direction you clean in !!
Baby girls very rarely get a UTI in my experience.