Asking grandparents not to smoke

[Molly211]

Hello, I’m looking for some opinions on whether I’m being overly precious about smoke.

I have a newborn and I’ve asked a grandparent if they could please not smoke on the day they come to visit the baby. Baby is premature and I’d rather not risk any passive smoke.

Grandparent has decided they’d rather not see the baby under those circumstances.

Am I being too strict on this? Should I, for example, allow them to just wash their hands upon arrival and not smoke for the duration of their visit?

Thank you.

will you never want to have your grandchild overnight?

or indeed ever be alone with your grandchild?

i thought the other grandparent was very ill?

and presumably you’ll never allow them smoking around your child?

someone say can they smoke around my children? i’d say, no

I know how you feel. I made my DM smoke outside in winter when I had a newborn. She's still upset about it now, 30 years later !!

@Italianita seriously?

Having looked at the already increased risk of SIDS for prem babies and the further risks around being around smoke, we decided on shower, fresh clothes, wash hands before holding our prem baby just while they were so small. As they got bigger 6m+, we did insist less but one grandparent actually gave up smoking as they were abstaining for long periods of time already!

I have a medical condition that precludes that anyway.

or even ever be left alone with them?

At first it seemed like an uphill battle to implement but my mum smokes before her morning shower, then because of the journey the quickest she’d be here would be 3+ hours. When DD was 3+ months she wasn’t allowed in the same room as DD for an hour.

DM is an absolute chain smoker smoked through her pregnancies/in the house with us but for us it was our way or the highway. She got on board pretty quickly.

No, sadly. I sustained a brain injury 4 years ago and my mind and body are scarily unreliable.

so not the “go to for childcare” for family and friends?

I used to be, very much so. My life has reduced down alot and having a grandchild on the way is slamming that home.

Smoke stays on your breath for 2 hours after a cigarette. So I'd say if it's been two hours and they have clean clothes and washed face and hands (Smokey hair tied back) I'd allow it but not otherwise

I wish I had stood my ground more on things against my MIL when mine was newborn and set the tone from the get go, my child, my rules. Unfortunately I did not, and it was only when covid hit and she refused to covid test before seeing my vulnerable daughter, and whilst I was on chemo, that I did.

We did not see her for over a year. I felt someone who couldn't put her first simply wasn't good enough. When we did see her again she was much more accepting of my 'rules' and I had no guilt that I hadn't done what was best for my child.

You are not denying her a relationship. She could see the baby first thing in the morning in clean clothes then go home and smoke all afternoon. Yes she might find it hard if she's a heavy smoker. Life is sometimes hard and there is lots of support available. Your priority is baby and then yourself. Not her.

Good luck.

You should tell them how excited you are for them to come see the baby, then explain why you don't like it for example baby is weak and vulnerable they can pick up things more easily and try to explain to them about Secondhand smoke can irritate and inflame a baby's airways, making them more prone to developing asthma and allergies. As well as this you do have to be mindful that quitting smoking or not having a fag will be hard for them especially if they are used to doing it. xx

You’re talking about third hand smoke here. Not passive smoking. Where have you got your information from about the effects of 3rd hand smoke on babies ? I don’t think it is worth blocking a relationship between a GP and their grandchild.

You do realise some of the drs and nurses who where caring for your baby probably smoked

Iv just realised how old this thread is